Starbuck Queen Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 I last posted on this site a long time ago. Briefly, my then boyfriend had cheated on me twice. With a girl and a guy. The girl ended up pregnant but got an abortion. We reconciled and eventually got married. We share 2 kids (both under 2yo). Throughout all this I became horribly depressed. It was really bad. I am now on antidepressants. I thought we were doing better. We attend marriage conuseling almost weekly. Well, I suspected he was chesting again because his behavior changed. So, I have been secretly reading his email.. Mostly he has been flirting with girls he meets on line, but last night he wrote to one girl that he was going to meet her. I did not realize this until he actually left the house. He also said they may meet up tomorrow at a local bar. Well, as the title says the truth hurts. I really thought we were going to make it for some strange reason. But since I have been snooping I don't know how to tell him that I know. Should I just break it off, should I pretend to "catch" him if he goes to this bar on Fri? Plz help. StarBuck Queen Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 Welcome back. Unfortunate that the circumstances aren't happier. Every situation is different, of course. Years ago, I did some snooping myself following a counselor's theory that my then-wife (now ex) was involved in an extramarital affair. His recommendation was a private detective, which I really could not afford at the time. So I did my own amateur sleuthing, eavesdropping on an extension one night. Once the call ended & she came downstairs, I confronted her about it. She was mad. Actually, furious! I really had some nerve doing that, she said. Her tune quickly changed once I impressed on her that she was the adulteress, & how lucky she was to be alive & unhurt at that moment. In many countries I could have had her beheaded or stoned to death. Not to mention how many homicide victims have met their fate at the hands of a cuckholded spouse? Anyway, back to you. In your case, there isn't a marriage, so he may feel there isn't the same kind of tie. As such, it may be best to just end it, saying that the relationship is no longer meeting your needs, & you want to move on before spending too much time & youth in an unrewarding relationship. If he presses you for more specifics, then perhaps you can tell him you know what he's been doing, you don't have to say how. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
wanda1974 Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 Just tell him you've been reading through his emails...why not?????? Once they cheat, they are under investigation until the trust comes back. My nickname through my 8 year marriage was "inspector gadget", if that tells you anything. In 8 yrs, I caught him cheating on me RED HANDED 5 times....It weas time for me to fly...... good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
onlyhuman Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Terrible thing to go through Starbuck Queen,I feel for you. You really have to look after yourself now!Your health is bad,depression is not good,this can and will drag you down if you let it. Personally I would just tell him because of the way he has been behaving it brought up memories of his past indescretions.Just tell him you found out that he is cheating again.In my veiw he was on probation and did not deserve full trust, your gut instinct was right. So many time we tell people here the same thing, YOU DESERVE BETTER! Anyone who is attending counseling and is cheating is a double scum,sorry for saying that but its true. I would ask himto leave for awhile until you decide wether this is worth the cost to you, your health and children! Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 In many countries I could have had her beheaded or stoned to death. You know, I often thought about saying that to my cheating ex-wife. Just to mention it casually; "wow, if we lived in Iran, I could legally kill you. Lucky break for you, huh?" Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 [sNIP] Just to mention it casually; "wow, if we lived in Iran, I could legally kill you. Lucky break for you, huh?" Actually, when Tracy was whining about how unfairly she & the OM were being treated, I did suggest that she contact the police or sheriff's office, & see if they would let her look at some case files. I told her to look at how many homicide victims died at the hands of an enraged spouse who had just made the same discovery I had. She took another 2½ weeks to pack her stuff, & the other man actually came with a U-Haul on the move-out day. Had the unmitigated gall to act self-righteously indignant when I declined to help carry anything. But they both left alive & unscathed. So I believe she was being treated more fairly than she had any right to expect. ________________________ If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be - Yogi Berra Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Should I just break it off, should I pretend to "catch" him if he goes to this bar on Fri? Plz help. After further review, I'm now thinking that making a scene would be of questionable value. You are already upset enough, do you really want to escalate it any further? Perhaps best to simply leave it with that the relationship is no longer meeting your needs, & you now need to consider what is best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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