Human relationship is complicated...did I do the right thing?

[Springsummer]

After I confronted this person who is leaving and one level above me. (I think she purposefully sabotage my career and I went to her office and told her I will fight). next day, I saw a technical book which no doubt she put it in my desk. I put it in the common area instead. well after more than 1 year I have been doing her job? why she didn't give me earlier?

 

so, she came ask me why I didn't want it. I said it's of an older release. I should have said straight I don't want her ****. instead of finding an excuse.

 

today, she sent me a link to a technical seminar and cc the manager which is half continent away(this is **** too, why can't they just find a local manager? the director is ****ty). I am so used to be polite and grateful. so I replied saying thank you. and said I had never taken any training and that I just figured things out along the way, but training could still very useful.

 

urg.......it so sucks! if you were me what would you do? just ignore the person or as polite as me.

 

The thing with this person is she sometimes is nice but on occasion will insulted me, and down right took away the project from me( I was the apprentice of the field under someone else who just left and this person was soft and did whatever she wanted) and give to someone in another province who had no experience., because leading the project was a sure way to get promoted.

 

She has the manager and director by their balls I think. director has zero experience in the technical field of my team. She is the only one left in the team 6 months after I started my job.

 

It is strange...after I confronted her for the first time in my life and she is nice to me? must have a guilty conscience. she indeed has been sabotage my career, not just my suspicion.

 

sigh....have no idea how I should react...did I do the right thing? if you were me, what do you do with such a person?

[Springsummer]

she was one of my two references for a pool (qualified people for a certain level position). but all she had to do was confirm my experience)

 

but like she told me she doesn't feel sorry for me because it took her years and years to obtain the position while I am here less than two years. ( but people were leaving that's why positions have been opening up in the team) so the positions (1 person left for a even higher level position after here for only 2 months. She was the one who filled that person to that position) will go to someone whom she gave the project instead of me....long story...

 

so any way, I am wondering what exactly is this person? she actually has well intention for me? or very good at faking nice?

 

my conclusion is she has been faking nice. because if she is genuinely nice to me, she wouldn't try to please me after I told her off and confronted her? I sure as hell won't.

[Springsummer]

Maybe I shouldn't have replied and said thank you. That ease up her guilty conscience. Maybe that's what she wanted.

[alphamale]

personally? I would look for a new job

[Springsummer]

personally? I would look for a new job

 

trying.

 

I told her I won't work here as level 2 if I don't get promoted to level 3. and then she talked to me in a private room for an hour, trying to convince to stay and wait for future opportunities. she is leaving, why she still care? guilty conscience? that was when she told me she doesn't feel sorry for me.

 

I wanted to leave months ago, then I got into the process of qualifying for a pool and a job in another team. Passed for the pool, but apparently not the job as I was told by the manager that the manager already had someone in mind. They just still need to go through this bureaucratic process though.

 

and this guy..........I don't want to never see the guy again. and this department is jut walking distance away from my home. so I procrastinate.)

Edited October 2, 2019 by Springsummer

[Springsummer]

Ran into this guy this afternoon.........he looked at my face and I looked at his face...so close... and kept walking...hell, he is really a heartthrob. so much so, the first thing I went back to the office/cubicle was to check myself in the mirror...and wish I could be prettier...and wonder: hell, how did I look to him?

Edited October 2, 2019 by Springsummer

[basil67]

Did you smile at him? It's the single thing which makes one more attractive to the opposite sex.

[Springsummer]

Did you smile at him? It's the single thing which makes one more attractive to the opposite sex.

 

that's the thing with me. I don't know how to smile at someone I am attracted to (too self conscious if my smile will look good).

 

Today was turning the corner so didn't have any time to react. but last time we were walking toward each other....I looked away. oh, I really hate myself. Helpless...I think I am going insane.

[mark clemson]

Is this thread about the problem boss or the "hearthrob"?

 

 

If the bad boss is leaving, good for you. Just sit tight/be polite/play the game until she's gone. Easy one. If she's NOT leaving, then yes find another job.

[Springsummer]

Is this thread about the problem boss or the "hearthrob"?

 

 

If the bad boss is leaving, good for you. Just sit tight/be polite/play the game until she's gone. Easy one. If she's NOT leaving, then yes find another job.

 

sigh.....they are related.

 

and not so simple.

 

she is not really my boss per se. just reporting to. the thing is after she is gone, I should be in her position. but they wanted to give somebody else who is doing consulting. that's abusing of authority. as the position should be given to somebody who had gone through year long HR screening process to be placed in a pool, which I am. I was advised by 2 managers from other teams that I should file a complain. It is not the private sector that they can just do whatever they want.

 

so, I am going to stay and fight. They have to justify the decision, which I do not think they can. and they do want me to stay because how the hell they are going to find someone else with my skills? the management is just idiotic. I just need to reason with them. No one is here though, so I have to wait a few weeks for the person to come back.

Edited October 2, 2019 by Springsummer

[mark clemson]

Fair enough + sounds like you have a reasonable plan. It sounds like you're going to approach the request to get the position with a logical plan, rather than emotionally, which I think is wise. Work politics can get quite tricky IMO.

[clia]

I can't completely follow what's going on here, but her giving you a technical book and a link to a technical seminar indicates to me that she thinks you need to improve your technical skills if you want to move up.

 

If you apply for a promotion or don't get a leadership position you feel you should get, the right thing to do is sit down with the person who made the decision to find out why -- what skills do they think you are lacking, what can you do to get those skills, what is the path for you to get to that point, etc. Have you ever done any of that?

[stillafool]

^^^^This OP, makes complete sense to me. Have you done any of that??

[preraph]

I can't really judge the specific situation because I don't even know if you're reading it right. But the fact is, she's one level above you and in business, you be professional, nice and polite with all your coworkers, at a minimum, and you listen and take guidance from those above you.

 

It sounds to me that she has years of experience on you and that you think you kind of know everything, but that she can see from her vantage point that you have some knowledge gaps you could fill in to improve yourself and she has so far given you two tools to do that. If I were you, I'd read that book. What can it hurt? And also read that link. And see if you learn anything. If she was on your own level or one below you, then you'd be free to ignore those things, but she's above you. I think you're causing unnecessary trouble for yourself by rejecting what she has to offer.

 

As far as her removing you from a project, well, maybe she saw a deficit in your work, and that is why she is trying to give you tools to correct that. Or maybe it was for some other reason entirely that you will never be privy to. All decisions in business that affect you aren't necessarily made because of you.

[Springsummer]

I can't completely follow what's going on here, but her giving you a technical book and a link to a technical seminar indicates to me that she thinks you need to improve your technical skills if you want to move up.

 

If you apply for a promotion or don't get a leadership position you feel you should get, the right thing to do is sit down with the person who made the decision to find out why -- what skills do they think you are lacking, what can you do to get those skills, what is the path for you to get to that point, etc. Have you ever done any of that?

 

she should have given me those when I started doing the job, not after 1-2 yr. all the while she has had the book and info. I figure things out myself, which is easy for me as I am technically smart. She had the training to do the job while I am not, but I can still do the job competently.

 

the thing is no one else here is better than me.

 

You have no idea....the person who made the decision has no knowledge in my field. They just listen to this person, because she has been here a long time.

[Springsummer]

^^^^This OP, makes complete sense to me. Have you done any of that??

 

first thing I talked to the director and asked what's his concern about me. didn't say anything....he just say let's talk about it after he comes back.

[Springsummer]

I can't really judge the specific situation because I don't even know if you're reading it right. But the fact is, she's one level above you and in business, you be professional, nice and polite with all your coworkers, at a minimum, and you listen and take guidance from those above you.

 

That was what I did. but didn't work. after the showdown she is nicer to me. what do you make of this? some people response to strength, not weakness

 

 

It sounds to me that she has years of experience on you and that you think you kind of know everything, but that she can see from her vantage point that you have some knowledge gaps you could fill in to improve yourself and she has so far given you two tools to do that. If I were you, I'd read that book. What can it hurt? And also read that link. And see if you learn anything. If she was on your own level or one below you, then you'd be free to ignore those things, but she's above you. I think you're causing unnecessary trouble for yourself by rejecting what she has to offer.

 

As far as her removing you from a project, well, maybe she saw a deficit in your work, and that is why she is trying to give you tools to correct that. Or maybe it was for some other reason entirely that you will never be privy to. All decisions in business that affect you aren't necessarily made because of you.

 

well, she did say I am a guru or expert of this and that and I learn quickly to others though. I can do a lot of things that she can't.

 

that's why I said this relationship is complicated

[Springsummer]

anyway, I am kind of like a buddy to 2 senior managers. They say I should file a complaint should such thing happen.

 

That's why every internal job hiring must be posted on a website. and give people a period to file a complaint. that's exactly to prevent such thing from happening.