I think I’m smitten with my Boss's Boss

[confusedinadaze]

This happened two years ago. I was starting a new job; very nervous. I drove up to the front of the co-operate building, pretty much all nerves. A handsome man, sharply dressed comes walking towards me. He looks angry like I did something wrong. I am nervous looking for a place to park. I’m sure the look on my face wasn’t very pleasant. I roll the window down, and he’s a kind man- just wants to help and tell me where to park. I think the minute our eyes met, there was this inexplicable intense chemistry. I didn’t know him, yet I did? Has anyone experienced this before?

 

Turns out he’s the boss of my boss. Over the years we saw each other on and off but never interacted much. I think he knew I was engaged. Broke off the engagement this year, many reasons for that.

 

Since that morning, when our eyes met and things happened I haven’t been able to forget him. It’s such an awkward situation for both of us. Also, I think he might be taken. Why does he look at me the way he does?

[Foxhall]

Love at first sight

 

universe may be pushing the two of you together

[norudder]

You said it's awkward for you both, how do you know it's awkward for him at all?

Sounds like there might be some attraction/chemistry but he is unavailable because 1. He is in your chain of command at work and 2. taken (if he is).

 

Doesn't really matter why he looks at you. For all you know he just gets off on a little flirty eye contact and doesn't think twice about you after business hours. It should all be professional anyway and you should focus your mind and attentions elsewhere. Maybe wonder why he is holding your attention at all when the healthy thing to do is acknowledge (to yourself) that there's attraction, but process and move on from it because....see reasons above. Maybe you want an unavailable fantasy after ending an engagement? I have no idea. I think everyone should have a great therapist they see for life in general and when stuff like this pops up.

 

I don't recommend taking any action on this or giving it much mental space or emotional energy. It's a waste. Invest in yourself in better ways. Good luck!

[Maddie82]

He's the big boss so don't go there.

[d0nnivain]

It's all in your head. This is one sided on your part.

 

He's the big boss. He didn't get there by being shy or stupid. You work for him. It would be inappropriate for him to ask you out. However if he was inclined to go there, he knows how to find you.

 

2 years ago he told you were where to park. It was nothing more for him.

[preraph]

As you said, you were feeling vulnerable and nervous. I'm sure you had high hopes for the job, but also fears. Then your first experience is a helpful guy who just happens to be high up in the company, a nice experience. I just think it had more impact on you at that time because of how vulnerable and fearful you were at that time, so he got elevated a little to "savior."

 

Like Donnivain said, he's had two years to act on it if he wanted to. So I doubt it's a burning passion for him. And if he's taken, you know full well you shouldn't do anything about it, and if you do, it won't end well for you. If he'll cheat on her, he'll cheat on you.

[mark clemson]

Ah, the handsome, kind, successful, flirty alpha male. So desirable.

 

It's all in your head...2 years ago he told you were where to park. It was nothing more for him.

 

Agree with the wise dalmatian and others here. Also the point about him being your boss and that making him off limits.

 

HOWEVER, if you've found "your type" here, there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking out men like this (except not at your place of work) and attempting to land one. I suspect you will have a lot of competition, but that doesn't at all mean you'll never find one. GL.

[Gaeta]

You came in contact with a powerful and confident man. It impressed you. Now forget about him. Your brain goes back to him because you probably have not come across someone like him before. You're probably lonely with no interesting prospect in view so your brain goes back to him.

[anika99]

I think peraph summed it up. He was kind and helpful on a day that you were anxious and worried and so you have built him up to be more remarkable than he probably is. Now you're in a similar situation. You have recently ended a serious relationship and you are looking for a safe place to land.

 

I doubt that he thinks of you as much as you think of him. You say it's awkward for both of you. How would you know? You think you know what he thinks and feels? You don't even know if he's married or otherwise involved. Considering his position it's highly unlikely that anything will develop from this little crush of yours. Workplace crushes can be fun. Makes going to work feel a little less mundane, puts some pep in your step, so it's okay to enjoy a crush but don't mistake it for reality.

[BaileyB]

Think you are what - infatuated with a man who probably doesn’t know your name?

 

I agree, workplace crushes can be fun... as long as you don’t make the mistake of believing that it is more than it is.

 

I’m sure if this man was asked about that day two years ago when he gave you directions, he would not remember the event or recognize you as anything more than “a girl who works in the same building.” He was probably just being polite and kind to you, as he has done the same for others in the past two years.

 

It’s amazing the stories we can make up sometimes when we start to project our thoughts, hopes, dreams, wishes... on other people. I’m sorry.

Edited October 2, 2019 by BaileyB

[vla1120]

Being your boss's boss, even if he is truly available, I doubt he would be involved in a workplace affair. Plus, if he was and it ended badly, he wouldn't be the one to lose his job.

[confusedinadaze]

Thanks for all the responses. I’ve dated men like him prior to meeting my ex- fiancé, so it’s not just about him being handsome, smart and flirty. I think it was something more.

 

Having said that, I’ve never acted on my feelings towards him. I don’t think I will, unless he contacts me first. I doubt he will. He’s made it quite obvious that he’s into me. But, it was last year at the Christmas party when he was leaning against the wall on the other side of the dark room- staring at me in a sad way that really got to me. I didn’t look back at him, since my fiancé was right next to me but I wish I did.

[Gretchen12]

He didn't get to be your boss's boss by not going after what he wants. If he hasn't gone for you, it's because he doesn't want to. Charismatic and caring makes him a good leader but also got you smitten. You don't know how many other men and women in the company really like him as well.

[BaileyB]

it was last year at the Christmas party when he was leaning against the wall on the other side of the dark room- staring at me in a sad way that really got to me.

 

You really do like to create stories and project meaning onto things that are rather unrelated. For all you know, he just got a text from his wife that said “Honey, I’m not happy with you because...” and he was thinking about what he was going home to that night. Or maybe, he wasn’t sad at all but thinking about something that didn’t go well at work that day. My point being - you don’t know this man and you have no idea what he is thinking.

 

I agree, he didn’t get to his position by not going after what he wanted. He also didn’t get to his position by having workplace affairs with young girls who indirectly report to him. And if he did, he is not a smart man... and, you don’t really want a man like that anyway.

[Springsummer]

T I think the minute our eyes met, there was this inexplicable intense chemistry. I didn’t know him, yet I did? Has anyone experienced this before? ?

 

I think I did.

 

Like you know that person already, maybe from another life time. A feeling of familiarity, even you just met that person

[Springsummer]

Thanks for all the responses. I’ve dated men like him prior to meeting my ex- fiancé, so it’s not just about him being handsome, smart and flirty. I think it was something more.

 

Having said that, I’ve never acted on my feelings towards him. I don’t think I will, unless he contacts me first. I doubt he will. He’s made it quite obvious that he’s into me. But, it was last year at the Christmas party when he was leaning against the wall on the other side of the dark room- staring at me in a sad way that really got to me. I didn’t look back at him, since my fiancé was right next to me but I wish I did.

 

I would say go with your gut.

 

Is he more important or your job? you can always find another job, but can you always find such a man?

[Springsummer]

You really do like to create stories and project meaning onto things that are rather unrelated. For all you know, he just got a text from his wife that said “Honey, I’m not happy with you because...” and he was thinking about what he was going home to that night. Or maybe, he wasn’t sad at all but thinking about something that didn’t go well at work that day. My point being - you don’t know this man and you have no idea what he is thinking.

 

I agree, he didn’t get to his position by not going after what he wanted. He also didn’t get to his position by having workplace affairs with young girls who indirectly report to him. And if he did, he is not a smart man... and, you don’t really want a man like that anyway.

 

How do you know OP like to create stories? she has only made two posts so far. do you know her in person.

 

that's despite the fact your hypothetical theories may or may not true.

 

Let's find out if he is single or not first. if he is taken then forget about him. If not, you can go after him and quit your job. why must it be an affair? can she marry him and happily ever after?