NomiMalone Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 (edited) xMM and I are mainly in NC (we play the same sport and once in a blue moon still unavoidably cross paths). Our turbulent A lasted for roughly a year, and when things ended for good, I went through days, weeks, of debilitating pain to finally arrive at a better place mentally. For the most part, I’ve reclaimed my life and am happy and optimistic most of the time. I’m grateful to no longer be feeling the guilt and pain I did in the A. However, I feel as though I’m now stuck at a road block at this later stage of healing. I can’t seem to truly let go because the fact is I’m still in love with xMM (not that I’d ever let him know). I still feel heart broken over him on some days and can still easily have a good cry about it all. He’s clearly a liar and cheater with little morals or empathy. Furthermore, I’ve heard through the grapevine that he was fired from a previous job for misconduct. Knowing all this, I can’t for the life of me figure out why I’m still hopelessly in love with him. Is it because not enough time has passed for the wounds to heal properly? Is it because I have some deep-seated FOO issues I’ve yet to unravel? Is it because the only side I ever saw of him was the kind, charming, loving side? What is wrong with me? Edited October 2, 2019 by NomiMalone Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 (edited) Is it because not enough time has passed for the wounds to heal properly? This would be my first guess. Also seeing him even occasionally may be re-triggering your feelings. Make sure you're doing things that help to create a new life/new phase of your life for you. New activities, socializing, groups to participate in. This will not only boost dopamine but help your sense of identity shift away from association with him. If it keeps up for too long you could consider talking to a counselor/therapist. Edited October 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator fixed quote 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NomiMalone Posted October 6, 2019 Author Share Posted October 6, 2019 (edited) @mark_clemson, thank you. You’re right, I need to make an effort to bring new things into my life. I don’t think complete NC with xMM is possible without one of us quitting the sports club, and neither of us wants to (he also does volunteer work there.) However I have no desire at all to jump back into the A, so I hope in time, these feelings of sadness will pass. (I’ve already made up an excuse to not go to the end of year dinner because he’ll be there with his wife.) I also remind myself how short life is, and how foolish it’d be to waste anytime on a man who’d never be available. Yesterday I went to see my doctor who diagnosed me with circumstantial depression. For me that was a wake up call to take a year or more out from dating (SINGLE men) until I have worked through my issues. It won’t be an easy or short road but I’m sure it’ll be worth it. Edited October 6, 2019 by NomiMalone Link to post Share on other sites
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