lonelyplanetmoon Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 I knew eventually he would reach out, and yesterday I got the breadcrumb text. “For what it’s worth I just wanted to say that I hope you’re doing OK” It has been 4 months since he moved out and about 3 months of NC. I have been doing great and feeling happier than I was while in the relationship BUT my other self FREAKED OUT! I had a flood of emotions and had all these thoughts about what to reply with. I can’t even remember them all now but there were a lot of replies that buzzed through my head. Anger: Why the F would you care? You got what you wanted. Have a nice life don’t contact me again. Cordial: I am doing ok. Just gettin on with my life. Good bye. Other : Don’t contact me again unless you want to reconcile. Truth is I don’t want to reconcile, but why would I still want to write this? What also got me upset was thinking about engaging with him again after my response. Being broken again as half healed wounds were gouged open. Luckily my crazy emotions only lasted for about an hour, and after thinking about it, I really feel the most powerful response I have is NO RESPONSE. NC means that he will never get the ego boost or the relief from guilt or the satisfaction of knowing... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 After reading your post it is clear that silence is what would be needed in this case. BTW.. silence is the loudest sound anybody can hear...it's deafening 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 Agreed with Art Critic. My recent ex and I had several fights where she walked out on me - threatening to leave the physical place we where (2x on vacation in opposite side of the country) and once while at the beach celebrating my birthday. And several times we argued she would say she would lose me. And several times, especially after she said in June that she wasn't sure she wanted a relationship right now (funny, she's back on the site where we met - maybe for an ego boost...maybe for a fwb type thing...though she can't stay late so I don't know what she expects to find...) and that she was afraid of losing me. And yet she decided to end things....so while I broke NC for the first 10 days because I couldn't accept it and I thought it was just another argument....when I realized she was serious and I realized (a bare inkling) that I deserved a lot better I haven't contacted. Proud to hear you chose to let the emotions work themselves through and that you stood your ground and didn't respond! You don't need his validation or presence. I know I had a terrible falling out with my life long best friend at the end of another relationship 6+ years ago. After 4 or 5 months of not talking to him, I heard through one of my siblings that he said "I can't believe you'd throw away this relationship"....not worth getting into details but Art Critic is right - silence roars. Link to post Share on other sites
django Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 I'm sorry, op. I know it hurts, but I get the feeling you were waiting for a message like this somehow. The maelstrom of emotions such a tiny thing can evoke is always surprising, but I think what's most heartbreaking is just how tiny the thing is. We're sitting on the edge of canyon and the person who carved it out turns toward us as they walk away, just to show us the light in their eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Bluebelle38 Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 I also feel you were waiting for this text. It means nothing so block and start moving on. After all this hurt how could you ever trust him again to not leave you. Have you him on a pedestal? Write a list of all his bad points and read it whenever you get a pang. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Luckily my crazy emotions only lasted for about an hour, and after thinking about it, I really feel the most powerful response I have is NO RESPONSE. NC means that he will never get the ego boost or the relief from guilt or the satisfaction of knowing... The id once again loses to the rational mind. Congratulations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Yes, you did the right thing. Now I guess you need to block him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelyplanetmoon Posted October 5, 2019 Author Share Posted October 5, 2019 Thanks all for responding. Yes I was expecting it and it was what was weighing on me during this time. I do know him and he has been hot and cold for most of our relationship. I knew it was a matter of time. I feared that I would go back. But now that I am here I know I don’t want to go back to him. The mind/ego is a tricky thing. It tricks you into thinking that things would be rosy “if you both tried enough”, that things “could be” so great “if only” etc. And truthfully it is so, so easy to go there...down the rabbit hole. What I have had to do was to focus on his actions in the present. And think about how things actually are. Once I focus on the truth and be honest with myself, then I know there is no going back, regardless of how deeply I loved him. And yes blocking is in the plan. I just have stuff on my computer I need to put on a drive for him. Then it is adios. Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted October 6, 2019 Share Posted October 6, 2019 Thanks all for responding. Yes I was expecting it and it was what was weighing on me during this time. I do know him and he has been hot and cold for most of our relationship. I knew it was a matter of time. I feared that I would go back. But now that I am here I know I don’t want to go back to him. The mind/ego is a tricky thing. It tricks you into thinking that things would be rosy “if you both tried enough”, that things “could be” so great “if only” etc. And truthfully it is so, so easy to go there...down the rabbit hole. What I have had to do was to focus on his actions in the present. And think about how things actually are. Once I focus on the truth and be honest with myself, then I know there is no going back, regardless of how deeply I loved him. And yes blocking is in the plan. I just have stuff on my computer I need to put on a drive for him. Then it is adios. OP, Bolded a section of your response. It represents how I'm trying to handle my recent breakup. When thoughts of "us" or her pop into my head or I feel hurt and ashamed because her dumping me out of nowhere and not doing it to my face, I'm reminded that while she had a lot of the qualities I want/need in a significant other, things weren't always rosy and I deserve better treatment than I got through most of the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneGirl Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 I got the breadcrumb text of: "Hope youre doing okay" too like 6 days ago. But his was really manipulative as he followed it with "you don't have to reply to this". Lol IGNORE See whether you reply, nice or rude, any attention is still attention, so ignore away my lovelies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelyplanetmoon Posted November 1, 2019 Author Share Posted November 1, 2019 Yes agreed. Good for you that you are able to keep NC. Very true about the attention! They don’t deserve it. Ignoring is the only way off the emotional roller coaster. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneGirl Posted November 1, 2019 Share Posted November 1, 2019 Yeah and even if you reply angrily, it still gives them power because they were able to get a rise out of you and they actually feel good they still have a hold on you. Its all really psycho if you ask me. The best revenge is being really happy and moving forward and NC like never before like they don't exist. Like even if you have to pretend being happy, its good to be in that positive mindspace, it works like "positive affirmations" and eventually your mind will adopt that mentality. It has helped me sooooo much with keeping my head above the water. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelyplanetmoon Posted November 1, 2019 Author Share Posted November 1, 2019 Yes I am with you JG! I have been working on self love and self care which are along those lines. It is true that sometimes you have to fake it til you make it. Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted November 2, 2019 Share Posted November 2, 2019 Hi! Good for you my friend!!! I just got a breadcrumb from one of my exes and promptly hit the delete button! Then he sent 5 more texts!!! Keep moving forward and doing you! They will still be chasing ego boosts while you will be achieving your dreams! Have a beautiful day my friend! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelyplanetmoon Posted November 4, 2019 Author Share Posted November 4, 2019 Thank you divegrl. I always enjoy reading your posts btw! Link to post Share on other sites
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