Foreigner girlfriends wants to marry only 2 months in

[rovert2000]

I am less concerned about her leaving you, than you signing up for a marriage full of misery.

 

Nothing you have said indicates that you two have laid the foundation for a long and happy marriage. You are smitten with a hot girl who is wrapping you around her finger.

 

She is looking for a mark and found one.

 

Good looks do not make problems go away. Good looks do not settle arguments. Good looks are only skin deep and eventually fade.

 

But hey, it's your life. If you want to take an extremely high stakes gamble - and can afford to lose - go for it.

 

The odds are stacked way against you, but some people believe in miracles.

 

Thank you for the continued responses. I really do appreciate them and am starting to open my eyes better. Good responses too

[mark clemson]

i just need someone to tell me that she will probably leave me after she gets what she wants.

 

 

She will probably, actually make that almost certainly, leave you after she gets what she wants.

 

 

My friend, you are not thinking straight right now.

[rovert2000]

There is a cultural expiration on marriageable women in China as noted by the "leftover women." So what she is saying from that perspective does have some substance.

 

I'd say flip a coin but this is your life you would flipping into the air. It does look bad that she wanted to marry after one month. That is against her but like she said time is precious.

 

It also bothers me that she lapsed in her communication efforts while you were apart.

 

I think the prenup that was mentioned by BD is the best option if you are inclined to marry her. Other then that I can't offer any good reason why your marriage to her should be a greater risk or suffer less success then any other.

I've never been able to predict who would have a successful marriage.

 

You would be wise to let this go but I have a feeling that "what if" will always be in the back of your mind.

 

I’m happy you understand the culture there. But even with that said. Do you think I should steer clear like everyone has said. Everyone has gave very good reasons. Just wondered what your final answer would be since you know that leftover woman culture and also if I do a prenup

[BaileyB]

Have you asked her about a pre-nup? And what was her response?

[preraph]

Once she's legal and his money runs out. However, she won't be legal anytime soon. I can't remember how long it took for the guy I know but it was quite a while. And meanwhile, she can't work or anything.

 

I wonder if she even realizes that just marrying doesn't mean she's an automatic citizen at least not in the US. If all she wanted was citizenship, she could try for it right there where she is. She's looking for someone to support her, because she will not be able to work if she's not legal. It was something like 3 years before that couple I mentioned got through the process.

[salparadise]

She's as transparent as can be. She has a destination that she's determined to reach, and you're the ticket. That's the game. She's counting on the fact that your emotions are easy to manipulate. Just say no, and you'll see how loyal she is. It's a con, man, she has as much as said so. Don't bite.

[mark clemson]

Rovert, as has been said above, she doesn't love you. She hardly even knows you, nor do you really know her after only 2 months.

 

This is about her getting you all giddy with sex and hormones and then using you as a path to a better lifestyle. She is playing hot/cold games with you as well and this has made you emotionally vulnerable.

 

Take a step back, don't grasp at straws.

 

Suggest you talk to several attorneys about what's at stake if you marry then she suddenly wants to divorce.

 

There are many places where prenups mean essentially nothing as they do not supersede the local laws. Often it's just lawyers making a few bucks for something essentially useless. Then they make even more money arguing about it in court, even though it counts for nada. That might or might not be the case where you are.

[BaileyB]

Rovert, as has been said above, she doesn't love you. She hardly even knows you, nor do you really know her after only 2 months.

 

This is about her getting you all giddy with sex and hormones and then using you as a path to a better lifestyle.

 

Suggest you talk to several attorneys about what's at stake if you marry then she suddenly wants to divorce.

 

Exactly.

 

Educate yourself. You may say - I’ll marry her and hope for the best... That’s all well and good, but you would be wise to talk to an attorney to learn EXACTLY what you risk - what is she going to be entitled to, if she decides she doesn’t “love” you as much AFTER she gets her citizenship, as she did BEFORE.

[Ruby Slippers]

It's abundantly clear she's an opportunist and, if you're so foolish to marry her, will take you for everything you have.

[schlumpy]

I’m happy you understand the culture there. But even with that said. Do you think I should steer clear like everyone has said. Everyone has gave very good reasons. Just wondered what your final answer would be since you know that leftover woman culture and also if I do a prenup

 

If she signs the prenup and you want to marry her then go for it. You won't get a better guarantee then that. I will have to rely on your perception of her avowed affections for you.

[Mr. Lucky]

I’m guessing in your eyes. She is most definitely going to divorce and probably find someone else after she gets her permanent residence?

 

No, there’s an equal chance she could stay and make your life miserable for years to come.

 

My friend, you’d basically be marrying a stranger. Like a good poker player, you’ve only seen that which she’s allowed you to. One dates for an extended period of time followed by a year-long engagement for very specific and noteworthy reasons...

 

Mr. Lucky

[pepperbird]

She did show genuine love and interest though. I also really love her a lot. Lately I've been feeling torn and just wanting to marry her so I can be with her. I didn't like how she said all that but I'm hoping she wants to stay in the country with me and live a happy life with me forever.

 

 

As a fellow Canadian, allow me to introduce you to the idea of CYA ( cover your ass). If you really do want to be married to this lady, visit a lawyer first and talk about what sorts of protections you can put into place for yourself should this all be a scam. If it is a scam, they'll protect you, and if it's not, they won't really have any effect on your relationship. It will give you at least some peace of mind.

 

In all honesty though, it sounds very much to me like she is just using you. I am very sorry that's happening.

[mark clemson]

So what did the lawyers say, OP?

[Foxhall]

hmmn interesting thread,

 

as someone who loves the exotic lure of the foreign woman- Mexicans, Malaysians and so on, and also by nature I am a bit of a gambler,

 

so Id be prepared perhaps to take a chance on marrying her,

 

I am not advising you to do this, two months in sounds way too early,

 

but if I sussed her out for at least a year and felt she was quite loyal, then Id be prepared to take the risk,

 

everyone in life has self interest at heart, but it might still work out,

 

as I said on another thread I would not want a golddigger though either,

 

Id suss it out but Id be prepared to take a calculated risk I suppose.

[anika99]

Yeah.. I would also bet that there is more than one guy she is trying to land, there always is.

 

This! It's why she was ignoring you during her last visit. Because she's already got her hooks into someone else. If you were her only prospect she would have been all over you the last time she visited, working her little butt off trying to convince you to marry her. She cut you loose because she's caught a new sucker and now she's working on him.

[Mrin]

"I am so glad I married that hot woman from another country that I barely knew who started issuing marriage ultimatums after dating for 60 days!" said no happily married man ever.

[schlumpy]

I have a Korean friend of many years. We were coworkers. He decided he wanted to get married. He went back to Korea for 30 days and met through various means and relatives several women.

 

He spent most of three weeks with one of them and even slept with her but it wasn't working out. He had about ten days left and he was getting desperate so he asked one of the women he had met to marry him and she said yes.

 

She came to the states within two months and they have been married (happily I assume) for about 32 years. They had two children, a boy and a girl. The son is an electrical engineer living in California and the daughter is in pharmacology. She married an FBI agent.

 

No one was more astonished that his marriage worked out then myself. His family is from a story book. I've thought about it many times over the years and I have no real answers as to why they succeeded where others who have followed the populist script for a successful marriage have failed.

 

I don't know if the sex was "Great" or their love was deeper then the ocean. I can only attribute what they built together to respect and honor.

[Whodatdog]

This girl has an agenda, and has for a while. She told you she wanted to marry and have children, not that she wanted to marry you and have children with you.

 

A previous post made a good point. If you marry her, you will marry her family. Theres a very very good chance she will want to bring her parents over and have you support them. Im not sure that she would ultimately leave you, because thats not her agenda. Its having family and children and a place for her parents to live. You would be the paycheck that would allow her to do that.

 

Shes on her best behavior now because she needs you to say yes. I think if you marry her, the rest of you life will be her way, not "our" way.

 

This is a lifetime decision for you. I really think its very risky.

[Whodatdog]

She did show genuine love and interest though. I also really love her a lot. Lately I've been feeling torn and just wanting to marry her so I can be with her. I didn't like how she said all that but I'm hoping she wants to stay in the country with me and live a happy life with me forever.

 

No she didnt. Genuine love and interest is shown at the worst of times, not the best of times. The only thing genuine here is her acting.

[devilish innocent]

My uncle did something like this. He had a girlfriend from an Asian country who was in his country on a temporary visa. She wasn't ready to leave so he agreed to marry her. The relationship eventually ran it's natural course, they divorced, and she went back to her country. My uncle knew they were taking a big risk on the marriage. He just didn't care. I don't think marriage meant that much to him. For me, it was always important to wait until I had a rock solid relationship before marrying anybody, so I don't think I would have done the same thing. It's just a matter of what you personally value.

[Marc878]

You're old enough to know the deal here. Cmon