anxiety_aerial Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 Dear people from LoveShack, i’m a guy in my twenties, who has dated a couple of times in the past, and is seeking for some advice to get a successful relationship with a girl. I know there are a lot of factors playing a role in it. As in your behavior for example, your way of acting and so forth. My question is, is it actually okay/normal that you have never fought or had a discussion with your SO for example, after getting to know each other better for 4 months or more? I mean that the relationship would get very dull/boring after a while according to a lot of people. The idea with this girl, is that she has never met a person like me before and I never met a person like her before. That has so many good qualities. But I have my insecure moments sometimes like “I’m too clingy, or I’m not doing something right etc” not jealousy . And Im just scared not to look clingy/insecure sometimes. I’m not a clingy or insecure person, but sometimes I have the feeling that I come over as one. And it just isn’t clear to her how she can’t find any bad traits on me but me thinking and being a stubborn person. It had no impact on us whatsoever. This story may be confusing to follow, but I truly like this girl, and want to date her and simply stay together for as long as possible of course. Do you have any sort of tips for “insecurity / anxiety / unsureness issues” that one person may have while being in a relationship or starting to get into one? and what can you do to keep the romance actually ongoing? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 Drama is not required in a healthy relationship. My husband & I don't fight. Sure we have disagreements; nobody is going to be 100% in sync all the time but we are not mean about it. As you are getting to know somebody most folks are insecure. We wait for the other shoe to drop. That is pretty normal. The trick is to look past the insecurities to the facts. take a deep breath & have a little faith. Obviously if you are staring at serious red flag, investigate but trust & verify. As for keeping the romance alive. . . just be with the person. Do romantic things together. Talk. Listen. Snuggle. If you are long distance, send a flirty text every so often. Use snail mail so the person gets something tangible. Arrange time when you can actually be together & talk about the plans to close the distance. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 Drama is not required in a healthy relationship. My husband & I don't fight. Sure we have disagreements; nobody is going to be 100% in sync all the time but we are not mean about it. It's the same with my partner and I. There are ways to resolve conflict without resorting to "fighting", as most of us would define the word. It doesn't mean disagreements don't happen but as d0nnivain said, drama is not necessary. A big part of making any relationship work is time spent together. So, how much time do you spend together in person? How often do you keep in contact when you're apart? You say you're worried about coming across as clingy or needy. Can you elaborate on that? In which ways do you fear you're appearing needy to her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 well in the early stages people try to sell or project the best versions of themselves or the versions of themselves that they think the other person wants to hear, in my experience this is only sustainable for a certain length, you eventually get tired of being someone you are not or always trying to please people, so its only at that point do you realise are you really compatible or not, if you are being quite truthful, essentially I mean putting all your oddities out there ( I am thinking we all have a few oddities) and you are still clicking well, that would indicate it is a good match. Link to post Share on other sites
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