Met someone great but...

[Eternal Sunshine]

So I recently met someone through a work function. He is 6 years older than me and we relate on so many levels. He is a loner who has never been married and has no kids. He loves to travel and often does it alone.

 

He has a better paying job than me and takes me out to expensive restaurants. We have been on only few dates but he really thinks it through and takes me to quirky places. Seems very into me so far.

 

My main problem is that he has a beer gut. He has an attractive face and was probably very good looking when he was younger. Right now though, medium sized beer gut is really bothering me. I think that given my age, it’s unrealistic that men in their 40s won’t have greying hair and beer guts. But..how do I become less superficial?

 

I’m ideally looking for a travel partner who I also have great sex with, nothing too committed.

[stillafool]

I've always been into good looking men with nice bodies. When was younger, I met a guy through a friend who was overweight but had a good looking face. I looked at his body and said no way. He convinced me to go on a date with him and by the end of the night I was smitten. When we finally had sex it was the most intense I'd ever experienced in my life. You never know this guy may turn out to be the love of your life.

[preraph]

I don't know how to tell you to get past the beer gut. I could get past it if everything else was good enough (and if they didn't drink beer constantly....). From what you've said, he reminds me of me except I'm an old woman now, but travels alone, kind of loner, never married.

 

It's possible he was hot when younger and having too much fun to want to marry. Just know that since he's been a loner, don't expect that to just go away. He's likely always going to need some space (Unless you find out he's lived with women a lot though not married and so that means he can do it).

 

Why not just get to know him and you will either find you like him enough to overlook the beer gut or you don't like him that much anyway and so the beer gut doesn't end up being the only drawback. And see if he drinks too much and then how you feel about that if so.

[fromheart]

I'm in my 40's, I work out 6 days per week and don't drink or smoke. Was one of the best looking young men in my area, and too much self pride to let my looks fade before their time. I've seen it happen to a few of my old friends who didn't stop drinking or taking drugs, they look bad.

 

Mens ill health has been normalized for too long. I wouldn't date a woman with a beer gut. No need for you to settle for someone who isn't looking after his health. Ten years from now, he may be experiencing heart problems.

 

This isn't very attractive and not relationship material.

 

If you don't want to see his beer gut, don't settle for it because of nice restaurants and what was once a good looking face. How we treat ourselves is how we treat others. The maintenance of our physical and mental health, is an absolute priority.

[Twizzlestick]

I work out a lot and keep in shape, about to turn 40. I’ve a few peppered grey hairs down the side. You can’t hold that against us . Folk get greys in their twenties even.My ex had grey hairs a 26. Didn’t bother me, she just dyed them.

 

Can’t help re beer gut. I mean. How big are we talking? Like mini pregnancy? I wouldn’t like that in a girl to be fair.

 

You say “beer” gut, but it might be fat because he over eats and doesn’t exercise. Granted still unattractive to you. Beer doesn’t have a direct line to special beer fat. Fat is fat and the body just stores excess things as fat on the waistline - if prone. I’ve a friend who gets fat legs, not a fat waste .

 

Excess beer does make you fat but doesn’t mean it’s because of beer. That sounds confusing, I think I’ve just confused myself.

Edited October 3, 2019 by Twizzlestick

[Ruby Slippers]

When I met my last boyfriend, he was recovering from surgery and had a bit of a belly, kind of out of shape. Four months later, at age 50, he was back in Marine Corps shape, loved showing off for me doing push-ups before bed every night, trim and ripped, starting to get a visible six-pack. He went from the body of a couch potato to stud in just 4 months.

 

For me, it's a pattern than men I date almost always get fitter once we get together. I've never complained about their bodies, but I guess my fairly healthy lifestyle helps motivate them.

 

I say give him a chance. You and I both know how hard it can be to meet anyone even close to what you're looking for!

[thefooloftheyear]

Eh....Maybe he's thinking the same thing....Like maybe he's picking apart something about your body that isn't so great...I do remember you posting about how at your age you are noticing that you are disappointed in how your body is looking....Understand, I am not being critical, just pointing this out...

 

Also, as a guy that is very fit/muscular be careful what you wish for...Most of us wont be tolerant of too much out of shape, in terms of what a partner looks like...Perhaps for some of you, its better to not be under that type of pressure as you get up there in age and cant or don't feel that motivated to look like you did when in your 20's..It can be hard work and definitely not for everyone..

 

 

And these are younger women...Do the same polling with older women and its probably more lopsided in terms of what type of body "flaws" they find tolerable...

 

Maybe give him a shot...if its a relationship you are looking for..if its just sex, there are plenty of hardbodies willing to give you a romp I am sure..

 

TFY

[schlumpy]

Nope. It bothers you now - it will bother you later. Some people cannot control where fat is stored in their body. Will you expect him to get surgery?

 

Let him go. There's someone out there that won't require him to jump through any hoops for their attention.

[PRW]

 

And these are younger women...Do the same polling with older women and its probably more lopsided in terms of what type of body "flaws" they find tolerable...

They are just virtue-signalling in the video. Kinda like when they break up with a loser but they tell him "It isn't you, it's just me",... or they tell the guy "I'm just not ready for a relationship" and get engaged to another guy shortly after.

 

If they had two guys standing there, one ripped and one dad-bod,...they would be giving the google-eyes to the ripped guy in spite of what they say. I watch this in action with every meetup event I go to,...it's a singles group of 4600 members,...most of them in their 40's, 50's.

Edited October 3, 2019 by PRW

[thefooloftheyear]

If they had two guys standing there, one ripped and one dad-bod,...they would be giving the google-eyes to the ripped guy in spite of what they say. I watch this in action with every meetup event I go to,...it's a singles group of 4600 members,...most of them in their 40's, 50's.

 

They can google eye all they want, when the reality hits that every inch of their body and practically every morsel of food that isn't clean they eat will be looked at and potentially scrutinized by someone that spends most of their life "walking the walk"..., they snap out of it...And at middle age, when most women have at least one issue about their body they cant stand?.....Wanting and being practical/realistic are not the same...

 

 

TFY

[d0nnivain]

Have you actually seen him naked yet? Maybe the sex will be so mind blowing that you will be wiling to put up with it? It's not ideal but are you sure it's a deal breaker? You have some shot at reducing the beer consumption, improving the diet & introducing more exercise into his life once you are a couple. On the other side you have no ability to create a quirky travel buff, who otherwise has his act together & is a good companion from whole cloth. Think about what is "fixable" (in theory) vs what is never gonna change.

[rightondude]

"it's not a beer belly it's a fuel tank for a sex machine!"

[Foxhall]

 

I’m ideally looking for a travel partner who I also have great sex with, nothing too committed.

 

lol classic, I enjoyed that line:D

 

I dont know, I guess at around the 40 mark it is going to be hard to find the perfect fit, there will be at least one or two things that you have to look past,

 

perhaps just a matter of getting him on a treadmill, this beer gut issue??

[lurker74]

You can't be less superficial. You like the guy but you aren't blown away by him and until you are blown away, you'll always nitpick. He's had his chance to wow you and rather than wow you, he's only meh'd you, so you have two choices...

 

1) Move on and let him have a chance with someone else;

2) Bang him a couple of times and see if the sex is worth it.

 

As a 40-something who is reasonably fit but not cut and who grew up a nerd, I can tell you that I have the old-school desire to make your toes curl, your eyes roll, and your brain melt in bed; without being the girl magnet in college, I had to learn to develop other skills. It doesn't always end up that way it does but way more often than it doesn't...maybe being quiet and not completely fit causes him to go into overdrive in bed.

[MsJayne]

Chubby people need love too, and weight can be lost. That said, middle-age is cruel and plays nasty tricks on our appearance, (well, all of us except supermodels), and if imperfections turn you off you may find your older years very lonely. If you really like him I would say stick with it because you might find your perception will change and he'll become really attractive to you, but only if you do really like him. If you're only there for the fun dates it's a bit unfair to lead him on. He sounds like a class act.

[chillii]

Yep , the way middle aged women talk round here they're obviously all still models themselves right. Yet even op admitted she was having trouble herself.

Some men get bellies if they don't look after stuff but most women l found had bigger bellies than most men and bums legs twice the size they should be. Aging's fine but expecting a model bf , which many do, well.

Biggest problem l had ending up single again late 40s , was meeting someone still even close to a good body l can tell you, rare as hens teeth in women, thought l was doomed for sure.

And date sites , tell me about it, strange how so many only had 10 face pics, that's it, or some cleavage was as low as pics went.

 

So l'd really love to see all these middle aged women banging on all over the internet as if they still look like they're 20s complaining about men let me tell ya, they all must really be something.

And funny how men get the shallow thing thrown in their face.

l'm still very good but it took some finding believe me, luckily though gf's better built than most later 20's yr olds, 51.

Edited October 3, 2019 by chillii

[chillii]

Personally though l think there's also on the other hand some def' upsides to this day and age. Because some women and men too actually, if they do know how to look after themselves , can look really good these days , 20yrs younger than say people back in our parents day.

[alphamale]

you have to look at the whole package sister

[stillafool]

The young girls in that YouTube video's bodies weren't all that great considering their age so; I see why Dad bods are okay with them (that is if they have money)

[Art_Critic]

But..how do I become less superficial?

 

 

Perhaps realizing you yourself are also getting older and no longer have the body of a 20 year old.

 

Think about it.. by picking on his beer gut you are ignoring your own dating partner perceived shortcomings from the aging process..

 

Look at yourself differently/more realistically and maybe that will help you with this issue.

 

BTW.. I'm not picking on you, only answering the question you asked because I felt it might help.

[OnlyHonesty]

 

I think that given my age, it’s unrealistic that men in their 40s won’t have greying hair and beer guts.

 

 

Perhaps, but I'm older, have barely any greys and no beer gut. But I strength train several times a week, have a reasonably healthy diet and don't drink much alcohol. It's not so much age, but how active a person is, and what their diet is like. Therefore I wouldn't say it's unrealistic, just maybe rare. Maybe you could try meeting people through more active...activities, or fitness / active related.

 

As for it being superficial. I'm not so sure because having a beer gut is a health risk, and makes cancer up to 50% more likely.

[amaysngrace]

Beer guts minimize penis

[winny]

you become less superficial by working on yourself. why do you associate a person's worth to their external appearance. i would suggest you try to evaluate the person's character first. and if that is top quality then you should ignore these things. he can always exercise and lose weight.

[Timshel]

If they had two guys standing there, one ripped and one dad-bod,...they would be giving the google-eyes to the ripped guy in spite of what they say. I watch this in action with every meetup event I go to,...it's a singles group of 4600 members,...most of them in their 40's, 50's.

 

 

Interesting...When out and about and around other couples, I never see this myself. I see couples of all shapes and sizes. Some are both in good shape, some one isn't or both.

 

Personally, when I was single, I withheld my google-eyes until they opened their mouth. Why waste lust on a big fat nothing burger, ya know.

[fromheart]

That said, middle-age is cruel and plays nasty tricks on our appearance,

 

No, you can get to 40 with a couple of decades of good diet and exercise behind you, or 20 years of healthy living behind you. Women of the latter category in their 40's can be stunning.

 

And nature is forgiving, you could start working out right now and still reverse the damage of an unhealthy lifestyle.

 

But to imply that middle age is the source of ill health or fading beauty is incorrect. Human beings were meant to exercise.