DKT3 Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 Hard to say Mark...is he cowardly or just doesn't value her enough....you know, I would jump in front of a bullet for my brother but not likely for a friend. Gettinoverit it's no shock that you fell for this guy. Its common when in a bad situation to attach yourself to someone less than based on something you were starved of in a bad marriage and overlook all the red flags. Question is what do you do now? Your angry but anger will ease, will you allow him to weasel back in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gettinoverit Posted October 3, 2019 Author Share Posted October 3, 2019 (edited) Hard to say Mark...is he cowardly or just doesn't value her enough....you know, I would jump in front of a bullet for my brother but not likely for a friend. Gettinoverit it's no shock that you fell for this guy. Its common when in a bad situation to attach yourself to someone less than based on something you were starved of in a bad marriage and overlook all the red flags. Question is what do you do now? Your angry but anger will ease, will you allow him to weasel back in. Well, there's the nub. Will he weasel back in? My best friend says anger is good because it brings about change. The problem is, anger is not sustainable in the long term. The answer to your question is: I hope not. He's weaseled back before, but things feel different now. First, we came to a head over what to do and he made his choice - his marriage. So I walked away and started working on accepting it. Then he started dithering, and I almost - almost - caved. Until I reminded myself that NO decision IS a decision. Now he's pulling the friend card, and that is killing me, because it appeals to my strong sense of being kind, being strong, being a good person. But it's killing me! That's my issue right now. And of course, with the "friend" card, there's always one side (me in this case) that's hoping that maybe if he sees me one more time, talks to me one more time, he'll suddenly see what he's losing.....yeah, no, not gonna happen! That's the trick your mind plays on you. But this experience a few days ago - that hit me like a sucker punch. Because his actions scream loud and clear I'm here for you when it suits me, but in adverse circumstances I'm outta here. And of course, that is NOT someone even close to what I am looking for. Especially when the hypocrisy of claiming to be that person and then running like a coward runs alongside it. So the difference this time is that my eyes are now wide open to who this person really is, in a way they weren't before. I'm hoping that'll be enough for me, or at least a very solid start to help me stay strong. It's a work in progress but heading the right way! On top of that, I have a close friend in an A right now. She is getting swept off her feet. Now I know (as does everyone reading this!) it is doomed, but my point is: I've never had ANY of that! No hotel rooms, no dinners, no gifts, no sweet nothings, no songs sent to me, no sweet messages. What on EARTH am I doing here?! All this stress and not even any of the fun?! What a waste of my time! Edited October 3, 2019 by gettinoverit Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 The "good" people of the world are often targets for the "not so good" people. It's as if they feed off their positive energy. They drain them and move on, never thinking they've done anything wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 I always looked up to my MM. Idolized him almost. Believed all the nonsense he spewed about courage, integrity, being a good person, doing the right thing, etc etc. With all due respect gettinoverit, your MM (married man) who is currently lying and cheating on his wife is your first indication that the rest of this description is incongruent and quite an oxymoron. Good that you are seeing who he is, and always has been at last. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gettinoverit Posted October 5, 2019 Author Share Posted October 5, 2019 With all due respect gettinoverit, your MM (married man) who is currently lying and cheating on his wife is your first indication that the rest of this description is incongruent and quite an oxymoron. Good that you are seeing who he is, and always has been at last. Yeah Timshel, with all due respect, I'd rather focus on the positive aspect of this, that I am finally seeing it, rather than the negative aspect of it all where I've been a total moron. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Now he's pulling the friend card, and that is killing me, because it appeals to my strong sense of being kind, being strong, being a good person. Being a friend to someone else's husband you've had an affair with unbeknownst to her is being kind, strong, a good person? Seems to me not being his friend would be kind, strong, a good person. And of course, with the "friend" card, there's always one side (me in this case) that's hoping that maybe if he sees me one more time, talks to me one more time, he'll suddenly see what he's losing.... From reading your post it seemed to me you'd decided he wasn't someone you admired or wanted anymore. Is it possible that no matter how wonderful you seem to be the fact that you cheated with a married man might somehow be the dominant factor in his view of you? Because his actions scream loud and clear I'm here for you when it suits me, but in adverse circumstances I'm outta here. But, then, didn't his actions toward his wife scream that to you before this incident happened? Have you asked yourself why it bothers you when he mistreats you but didn't bother you when he mistreated his wife? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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