My luck with online dating is going downhill

[guy45]

Hey everyone,

I feel like I've been having the worst luck with online dating. When I first signed up for Match around 2 years ago I could at least get a date like every month, now it's been like 5 months and I've only met one person which I wasn't even compatible with.

 

Does it have something to do with the website?

Why is it that I could get several dates early on but not now?

(I still look the same)

 

Is there a better option than Match?

I tried Pof and Tinder but my luck is even worse there.

 

Thanks in advance.

[mr_ybor]

That's nothing. I went from 4 dates (1 that turned into a short term relationship) in two years, to zero dates in going on seven years. Online dating had gone awry. The whole format is a failure.

 

Match never had anything. It's absolute trash.

Edited October 4, 2019 by mr_ybor

[Flame Aura]

Is there a better option than Match?

Yes - real life.

[nospam99]

OP, I had a similar experience:

- date per month for a little over a year

- nothing for the last six months

- steady decline in 'quality' during the date per month period

 

I also observe the:

- the same women on the OLD site as two years ago

- the same women, for the most part, on Match, POF, OKCupid, ourtime, eharmony, and zoosk

 

I conclude that in my demographic (nearby 55-70 y/os):

- there is a semi-permanent population of OLD ladies who

- for whatever reason are not satisfied with me or any other guy

- yet stay on OLD for YEARS searching for unicorns

- and that I have already 'fully explored' that population

 

Generally (but I do make very rare exceptions) they don't get a 'first chance' with me if they don't pass my filters for location, looks as shown in their photos, or personality as shown in their profiles (a subjective assessment) or if they have statements or criteria (e.g. height, age, or location range) in their profiles that say or suggest they would have no interest in me

 

Generally (but I do make exceptions) they don't get a 'second chance' with me if they:

- don't respond to an unsolicited message from me

- meet me and then friendzone me

 

At the moment I'm metaphorically 'playing' (as in fishing) two women who had previously ghosted me. Both have shared exchanges of messages within the last two weeks that represent themselves as 'interested' in meeting me. LOL because it would not be the first times when such message exchanges have 'gone cold'. However I'm patient and even enjoy the slight excitement of the 'game' aspect enough to keep trying (hunting and fishing again). I figure I'm not getting a 'hit' without taking 'at bats'. But OLD is not the only game I'm playing.

[guest569]

Maybe the old dating sites are falling out of favour. I stopped using it cause they're all on tinder and I don't feel comfy having a detailed profile on display.

[chillii]

l'd just like to know wth so many women put in 10 face shots for pics, one of the cat , and that's it.

lt just amazes me. That friend that just joined a site was showing me last night , it was the same as back when l used a date site.

Craziest thing l've ever seen, he showed me dozens and dozens of them.

Half of them even then go on to say in their write up that they won't answer anyone that doesn't have good photos and at least one full body shot.

Can you believe that , wth is that ?

 

One l read had no photos, none. But even she goes on to say she won't answer messages with no photos.

You know what , l borrowed his message thing and wrote her a message saying wth cheek you have saying you won't answer without a photo, wth do you even look like.

Guess what, she replied back, with a photo and ummmm. ohhh, shyt , not a pretty girl , not a pretty girl at all. Buttt, does that not just make her statement even more ludicrous.

Maybe l'll email the a few of those dozen head shot ones huh .

 

 

All l can say is no wonder you guys have a few issues on date sites.

Edited October 4, 2019 by chillii

[Michelle ma Belle]

Have you been online and active consistently for 2 years or come and go? What's your routine? What are you looking for?

 

It's no secret that the newer you are the more attention you will get right off the bat - fresh meat kind of thing. Fact.

 

People who remain on and active for more than 3 months are red flags and seen as possibly being too picky, indecisive, non-committal or in some cases, players. And if you're on multiple sites at the same time, even worse.

 

I mean, how do you feel when you see the same faces online for months and years on end? Don't you wonder why they're still there? Particularly if they're looking for a serious LTR. It's one thing if someone is just playing the field and wants to date but nothing serious - you would expect them to be online and active.

 

My advice, take a break. One month on and a couple of months off. Get some perspective. Online dating has changed tremendously over the years and not necessarily in a good way. Sometimes you just need to switch things up.

 

As for better options, it's all subjective. I've tried them all in the 10 years I've been back to dating. POF has always been my go-to and where I've always gotten a LOT of dates and even made some great friends along the way. Match was my worst experience as was eHarmony. At the end of the day, they're all the same. You just have to figure out which one feels right for you.

 

Good luck.

[Twizzlestick]

But surely to be seen online for more than 3 months - you’d have to be seen by someone who themselves was on there - 3 months ? In which case that would be pot calling the kettle black.

 

I don’t think 3 months on tinder is too picky myself. Have you seen tinder in the U.K. ha? You’d do well to find a quality partner in a year. And that’s putting some serious effort in.

 

OP.......

 

for guys the experiences and downsides have differences than to girls (who have their own complaints about OLD)

 

There’s a reason the much maligned tinder swipe thing works better than POF for example. POF, OK Cupid, Bumble (with its insistence that girls message first) are all utter trash and diabolical in the U.K. you just join a sea of other dudes sending pointless messages that fill up girl”s inboxes and it’s common even if you’re a good looker with a great offering to see your message unread or deleted. Great for girl egos, not for you.

 

With swiping, at least it takes joint effort. There’s no messaging until you both swipe and then you have more of a captive audience than say on POF. Granted even then getting a reply is pot luck, and it’s not necessarily down to you. Figure in window shoppers, bots, flakers, insta ego models and you get the gist.

 

I’ve tried hinge, it’s not a greatly used app in the U.K. but had minor success. Worth trying that.

[normal person]

How old are you and where do you live?

[guy45]

How old are you and where do you live?

I'm 27 and I live near Los Angeles. I would like to try meeting people in real life, but the best idea I can come up with are Meetup groups or just randomly meeting people at the places I shop.

 

For Meetup groups I feel it may work if I get lucky and find the right group after a lot of trial and error.

Meeting people randomly such as talking to cashiers is pretty luck based.

 

Online dating is really difficult for me at least, but I feel given the right approach it could give me good results, like mentioned such as using Tinder instead of Match for the swiping feature which makes matching easier. Even though it's still a lot of work I'm sure.

 

Anyways what I'm saying is that I am trying to meet people in real life (which is a fairly slow process since I'm still looking for a good job)

but I'm hoping I can make things work online in the meantime somehow.

Edited October 4, 2019 by guy45

[some_username1]

From personal experience and also what I hear and read it seems that this is just the natural order of things for the average male.

 

Firstly, the common denominators in all that time are you and age so it seems reasonable that as your age ticks up you become less visible especially if your search age range has not ratcheted up accordingly.

 

But in general I am of the opinion that the best time to date online as a man was when it was in it’s infancy. More and more men will have joined these apps and sites and in bigger ratios than women so over time it is to be expected that there will be a degradation in the experience of male users who are not in the top percentile.

 

There is also the issue that because matches and conversations are so easy to start and usually lead nowhere women, when you do get a match, don’t take the whole thing seriously and aren’t fussed about actually going on dates.

 

I’ve got the best pictures I’ve ever had at the moment (at least going by photo feeler) and yet this is the hardest it’s been for me to get a date and the ‘quality’ of my options has dramatically decreased from a few years ago when I was in my mid 30’s.

 

The whole thing just seems to be an exercise in frustration for most men and women, for different reasons.

[Gretchen12]

Oh wow 27 is so young to be online dating. I thought in your 20's there isn't much isolation. But location probably again a huge factor. You said you live NEAR Los Angeles? You probably know it'll be easier if you lived in LA, right? A lot of young singles don't want to live in the suburbs where it's mostly families. Your lifestyle becomes more isolated and routine, just going to work and grocery shopping.

 

If you don't mind driving to LA, there are a lot of places to go and things to do. When you go do fun things you will meet people. You shouldn't have any problems.

[Michelle ma Belle]

But surely to be seen online for more than 3 months - you’d have to be seen by someone who themselves was on there - 3 months ? In which case that would be pot calling the kettle black.

 

 

Not necessarily. When I've done OLD, I rarely stayed on for more than 2-3 weeks at a time before I shut down my profile for several weeks or several months regardless if I've met someone or not. Sometimes I'd return to the same site while other times I would try out another one. I think the longest membership I've ever had was on eHarmony which was 3 months PAID and that felt like a bloody eternity.

 

 

There are numerous profiles who setup shop permanently online. We've all seen them. Doesn't matter how long you've been away, when you log back in, they're still there. Some never change a damn thing about their profiles and some seem to change their photos almost daily fooling us to think it's a new member only to realize it's the same dude just repackaged. I've chatted with those men in the past and 8 out 10 times, they're "lifers". So now I stay away from those men no matter how attractive they are or their profiles may be.

 

Of course, women do this too.

 

I'm just saying if the OP sees a decline in his activity, perhaps he needs to shake things up a bit; disappear for a little while that way when he returns, he's 'fresh meat' again OR change up his photos to spark new interest. Not much else is in your control when it comes to OLD.

Edited October 4, 2019 by Michelle ma Belle

[mr_ybor]

Oh wow 27 is so young to be online dating.

 

Younger age groups use online dating the most.

 

https://www.pewinternet.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/9/2016/02/PI_2016.02.11_Online-Dating_0-01.png

 

 

 

There are numerous profiles who setup shop permanently online. We've all seen them. Doesn't matter how long you've been away, when you log back in, they're still there.

 

This is much, much less common (almost to the point of being on existent) on the more modern apps: Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, CMB, etc. The 'OLD' sites unsurprisingly have more 'old' hangers-on.

 

I'd stick to the mobile type apps if you're looking in the late twenties age range and want a reasonable churn of opportunities. The desktop-focused stuff is a toilet.

Edited October 4, 2019 by mr_ybor

[normal person]

I'm 27 and I live near Los Angeles. I would like to try meeting people in real life, but the best idea I can come up with are Meetup groups or just randomly meeting people at the places I shop.

 

This is really the best idea you could come up with? What about a bar? Women go there actively looking to meet men. How about a party? Plenty of women there as well, also with the intent to socialize.

 

Still, online dating is a perfectly viable option if you fiddle with it. Fine tune your pictures, profile, buy some "boosts" or whatever increases invisibility, and use them on Mondays-Thursday at 9 or 10 o'clock pm, when women are likely to be at home looking at their phones. You'll get plenty of matches.

[mr_ybor]

This is really the best idea you could come up with? What about a bar? Women go there actively looking to meet men. How about a party? Plenty of women there as well, also with the intent to socialize.

 

You know where I've had a lot of luck?:

 

1. Someplace(s) with a specific scene you're into. Back in Phoenix, the alt scene really played out in certain parts of town, certain bars, and certain coffee houses were the thing. Getting to be a regular in those kinds of circles really brought me more dates and subsequent girlfriends than anything else. Hard stop.

 

2. Instead of bars themselves, which can be hit-or-miss and are often noisy, cliquey and non-conducive to conversation, the general æther in-between and around bars (the street, coffee shops, merch/book stores, quick eateries, food trucks, galleries, and so on) in really active parts of town. The big, co-opted type places with a number of restaurants which are super hip right now kinda fit that bill as well. I guess what I'm saying is crawl. Met a couple of GFs during the bounces.

 

How about a party? Plenty of women there as well, also with the intent to socialize.

 

Crux there is you have to be invited to parties to end up at them. I almost never get invited to them. Depending on the demographics at them too, they might be good or suck (lots of couples, just non-serious party types, etc.) as well. Total crapshoot.

 

Still, online dating is a perfectly viable option if you fiddle with it. Fine tune your pictures, profile, buy some "boosts" or whatever increases invisibility, and use them on Mondays-Thursday at 9 or 10 o'clock pm, when women are likely to be at home looking at their phones. You'll get plenty of matches.

 

Sunday night is peak activity on dating apps.

Edited October 4, 2019 by mr_ybor

[chillii]

Have you been online and active consistently for 2 years or come and go? What's your routine? What are you looking for?

 

It's no secret that the newer you are the more attention you will get right off the bat - fresh meat kind of thing. Fact.

 

People who remain on and active for more than 3 months are red flags and seen as possibly being too picky, indecisive, non-committal or in some cases, players. And if you're on multiple sites at the same time, even worse.

 

I mean, how do you feel when you see the same faces online for months and years on end? Don't you wonder why they're still there? Particularly if they're looking for a serious LTR. It's one thing if someone is just playing the field and wants to date but nothing serious - you would expect them to be online and active.

 

My advice, take a break. One month on and a couple of months off. Get some perspective. Online dating has changed tremendously over the years and not necessarily in a good way. Sometimes you just need to switch things up.

 

As for better options, it's all subjective. I've tried them all in the 10 years I've been back to dating. POF has always been my go-to and where I've always gotten a LOT of dates and even made some great friends along the way. Match was my worst experience as was eHarmony. At the end of the day, they're all the same. You just have to figure out which one feels right for you.

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

l don't really get that though tbh, few years maybe but 3mths.

To me if someone is genuinely looking for a serious long term relationship or marriage then they'll be on there for a while for sure , years maybe. Because that's very hard to find you have to be picky and very selective the right person only comes along every few years if that.

So to me the 3 mth thing would say more like she has no picker and she'll just end up wasting years and years anyway because she's just going out with no bodies real one after the other and getting nowhere .

Or she'll be back in a few years because she just chose another dud .

So it doesn't really make sense to me because it takes a lot longer than 3 mths to find someone really worthwhile .

At the same time though yeah l get how superficially things would probably appear the way you say , it's crazy really but l guess to most it would.

 

Not sure if it's been something lasting and real you've looked for , but if so , do you think online is the reason that hasn't happened ?

Seems some have had real success there's been quite a few marriage stories around the forum, so it can happen, but most in general seem to end up with the friends and short relationships and it often seems like it's not really much help for anything more than that., maybe even damages a persons real chances keeping them out of the real world so much .

 

l always wonder if the same person never went near online stayed away from computers and did life instead in that way, would things have worked out different for them and would've the right person just came along the old fashion way.

Edited October 4, 2019 by chillii

[Foxhall]

Have been away from the online dating scene for about seven months now and certainly not missing it (was in and out for about 5 years before that)

 

absolutely yes the longer you are on any site with the same profile, the more stale it becomes,

others members also notice that your there a while and take the view your not able to meet anyone and so on,

 

therefore Id say re-invent your profile or put a different spin on it if you've had no success after 6 to 12 months,

 

freshen it up keep it new to have any chance.

[SumGuy]

Was on Match about 2 and a half years ago, met someone, then on again about 6 months ago. Plenty of women, but the ones that really thrilled me seem to come in batches about 6-8 weeks apart. No trouble getting dates/first meets, but I tend to only do 3 a week max. About 1in 3 go to a second date. Sex is not an issue either, in fact need to sometime slow things down as I want more than that.

I’m in my low 50s but live in a smaller pop, but denser, metro area than LA. As to meeting women that fall into on paper what I am looking for Match has been great.

[elaine567]

Is it possible you are getting pickier?

Maybe at the start you were more open to giving more women a chance.

[Gretchen12]

Is OLD seasonal? Maybe new people sign up after finding themselves alone at Christmas and Valentines day or as a new years resolution.

[mr_ybor]

Is OLD seasonal? Maybe new people sign up after finding themselves alone at Christmas and Valentines day or as a new years resolution.

 

 

Yeah, you ever heard of cuffing season?

[Ellener]

I must admit the match.com OLD website ( the only one I'm familiar with ) is pretty awful, for no other reason than the way it's organised- which is primarily to sell advertising, memberships and add-ons.

 

You have to change your profile daily to even get new matches, the actual matching up isn't very accurate, and the emails from match.com about matches are most frequently links which don't work except to log you in ( usually to a screen which says you have no new matches! ) which I presume is to get people to keep going to the website and making the profiles look active- because it shows up as when you last log in?

 

Basically you search for yourself! and hopefully some of the profiles in their database are real and still active. It's really not as much of a service as it's marketed, maybe that will be the next lawsuit against them

 

In terms of hitting dry spells I imagine a lot of people who are open to actual relationships are not going to be constantly dating multiple people, well I know I won't. I don't have that much time for one thing! Match.com doesn't have a 'temporarily unavailable' type notification which might be useful, so there's a really disjointed feel to the whole experience, it doesn't seem very practical or relevant to real life. Someone could be invested in seeing one person for now, travelling, working, taking a break but unless they switch off their profile being viewable they'll just keep appearing in the daily matches, wasting people's time.

 

I would not take it personally anyone who is frustrated. It clearly doesn't work well on the whole, but makes too much money working badly for someone to make it better!

[chillii]

l'd just like to know wth so many women put in 10 face shots for pics, one of the cat , and that's it.

lt just amazes me. That friend that just joined a site was showing me last night , it was the same as back when l used a date site.

Craziest thing l've ever seen, he showed me dozens and dozens of them.

Half of them even then go on to say in their write up that they won't answer anyone that doesn't have good photos and at least one full body shot.

Can you believe that , wth is that ?

 

One l read had no photos, none. But even she goes on to say she won't answer messages with no photos.

You know what , l borrowed his message thing and wrote her a message saying wth cheek you have saying you won't answer without a photo, wth do you even look like.

Guess what, she replied back, with a photo and ummmm. ohhh, shyt , not a pretty girl , not a pretty girl at all. Buttt, does that not just make her statement even more ludicrous.

Maybe l'll email the a few of those dozen head shot ones huh .

 

 

All l can say is no wonder you guys have a few issues on date sites.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well , this'll crack you up , l asked one chick why do you have 8 head shots and nothing else , no one has any clue what you really look like.

 

She replied.

My body pics are private

And only a select few will ever get to see

Men who question will never know

 

Ohhhh, shyt, ok then, l'm so heartbroken, l mean just wtf.

So there ya go fellas, a first hand look into the IQ of that which alludes you.

l'm sure she's beating the ques all waiting to see such magnificence , of with sticks.

Her face shots btw , looked very very average at best l'm afraid, and she actually looked like she could be quite weighty, which probably explains it all.

Edited October 6, 2019 by chillii