Pkami Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 Ive had a friend with benefits for 2 years now, everything has been well and good but she just hit me with the fact she has started seeing someone else and im actually hurting from it. Im realizing that I have feelings for this girl. It sounds dumb and it's most likely my fault for not taking the relationship to the next level but shes never said she wanted more either. We both agreed on the friends with benefits thing from day 1 and never questioned it. We were laying in bed after dinner and a movie and she broke the news to me. I was calm and everything, told her i understand, but after she fell asleep I just felt hurt about it and had to leave. I texted her i would miss her and she texted me back the same. It's been you know, not even a week but its starting to really tear at my mind and heart. I havent texted or called or anything, been no contact so far to not show her im hurt from it. I believe im in a strong position with the no contact but im starting to get thoughts of reaching out which cant be a good idea. Has anyone else had the experience of developing feelings for a FwB? Do I stay the course of no contact? Do I tell her how I really feel when/if she contacts me again? Any advice is appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 I mean, you can tell her you were surprised that it hurt some and ask if she ever thought about trying to be more than FWB with you. But I kind of think that if she did have that on her mind at any time, you'd have been able to tell she was falling for you and hinting. So at least think it all through before you just talk from your emotions. See if there were any signs. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 Don't even bother trying to contact her. It's the best way to move on. If you reached out and told her how you feel it would only make matters worse because the feelings weren't mutual if she was seeing someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 I mean.. she's already seeing someone else, so obviously, the feelings weren't mutual. I'd stay no contact not just for your own sake in moving on, but also to respect her decision and her new relationship. Unless of course you are ok with just being friends with her. But one thing to note also is that she could one day cut contact too because her new guy isn't comfortable with her hanging around her ex fwb. Best to just leave things now as it is and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
beldar Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 Get real!! It was FWB. NOT a relationship. It was just about bumping uglies. Get over it. Frankly, in my book, the FWB thing is the ugly. It's all about being shallow. After you've been in one you become less able to give or receive love. Self inflicted damage to your soul. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pkami Posted October 4, 2019 Author Share Posted October 4, 2019 It was only after she told me she was seeing someone else that I realized I had feelings. I left out the fact that she actually did this once a while ago, it was about two weeks before she hit me up wanted to see me again, but I guess I didn’t have the feelings I have now. I’ve never done the fwb thing before so I didn’t really know what would happen. If she contacts me I guess ill have to tell her how I really feel, that I can’t see her anymore because you’re right, it’s literally self inflicted pain I can’t blame her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beldar Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 That's right. Just be honest, and don't let her baffle you with smoke and mirrors and empty promises. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 Has she ever acted like she wants you as a real boyfriend, wanted to go on dates and that type thing? If not, I guess she doesn't. But yeah, if she shows back up, you should tell her you now have feelings for her and don't want to just to FWB but that if she has any interest in dating and seeing where it went, you'd be up for that. But that means actually asking her on dates and treating her like a woman, not someone to just have sex with. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Or she got tired of waiting and thought you didn’t like her. So she found someone that actually showed his feelings for her. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 I wouldn't tell her how you feel at this point, OP. She's already turned her attention to someone else. And are you sure this isn't just your ego talking? You say you didn't realize you felt this way until she told you she was dating someone, so I am wondering if this is more about pride than genuine feelings for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rjc149 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 it's most likely my fault for not taking the relationship to the next level but shes never said she wanted more either. She probably hinted at it or implied it, if she did want something more. Women with anxious attachment styles are usually afraid to take the lead with relationship milestones (ie. "I love you" or "the talk"), for fear it won't be reciprocated. It was only after she told me she was seeing someone else that I realized I had feelings. Yup. Rejection breeds infatuation. That's what you're feeling. Keep to NC. Do NOT puke up your feelings to her at this point. Show that her new relationship does not threaten you, that she is free to date whomever she likes, and that you can easily move on to other options as an attractive, high value man. If she reaches out, be friendly, and ask her if she's still seeing anyone else. If she is, respectfully decline to continue a conversation and tell her only to contact you with the intention to rekindle a sexual/romantic relationship, then return to NC. This removes you from the friend zone. If she's not, arrange a meeting, DO NOT MENTION YOUR FEELINGS, keep it light, flirty, fun, and hook up. Rinse and repeat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Me Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 It was only after she told me she was seeing someone else that I realized I had feelings. Honest question...DO you actually miss her or just miss the regular easy sex? Link to post Share on other sites
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