I am gay and I am interested in a much taller guy who I find intimidating

[Michael99]

I have had my eyes on a guy at my school's gym for a while, and I find him really attractive - however, the problem is that I also find him very intimidating, since he is so much taller and bigger than me.

I am 5'7, slim and not particularly strong, and he must be at least 6'9 and he is also really muscular and looks very powerful overall (wide shoulders, large arms and very muscular all over).

And while I do of course find that really really attractive, it also scares me a bit - especially if he and I are alone at the gym.

And we typically are fairly alone as well, since both of us go there early in the morning, and he also usually looks very focused and concentrated, which makes him look very strict.

And sometimes when we are somewhat close to each other and do the same exercise, I always feel a bit frightened when I see how much heavier he always lifts - it's always 3-4 times heavier than me in everything I have seen him do so far, and with less effort as well.

And all of these things make me feel really anxious to walk up to him, because if he dislikes gays and gets annoyed even one bit, then I will be completely defenseless - he could just casually pick me up like nothing and lay me down on my back in like a second to "teach me a lesson" if he wanted to, even if I had tried my best to fight back, and this scares me and makes me hesitate to approach him.

 

Do you know what I can do in order to get his attention in a good way?

Edited October 4, 2019 by Michael99

[Flame Aura]

Do what every mature grown adult does and do that really really weird thing called talk?

[Timshel]

Ok, you make sense, so you'll need to suss him out a little. You say he lifts more weight than you. Why not ask for tips from him. Tell him you want to lift more but not sure how to get there and see what he has to say.

[mark clemson]

Agree that you should attempt to engage him in conversation and see if he has any interest. You are wise to be cautious. If he's not gay, hopefully he's not bigoted or anything.

 

IF you end up starting a relationship with him, also be cautious. Relationships quite often end on an emotionally rocky note and if he's truly angry/jealous/deeply hurt then that is another time physical violence could possibly occur.

[preraph]

Is it generally known at your school that you are gay? If so, then he already knows and maybe him looking strict is to warn you not to try it.

 

I like Timshel's advice. You certainly can't just jump right in and find out if he is gay or likes you. You'll have to see if he even wants to talk to you about weight lifting and normal guy stuff. You may not even get that far if he knows you're gay and has an issue with it.

 

My feeling is that if he were gay and interested, since he is such a big tall probably confident guy, you'd probably already know he's gay and interested.

 

Doesn't he ever have a girlfriend? I mean, he's six-nine so if he's straight, seems like he'd have a girlfriend at some point in the past.

[Michael99]

I haven't told anyone at my school that I am gay, and I haven't had a relationship with any guys there either.

But this guy at the gym is really really attractive to me, so I feel that I have to take a chance with him.

I am not sure if he is gay himself, though.

 

I have found myself reacting in a specific way when I walk past him:

I sort of lower my head to the side and to one of my shoulders a bit and gaze up at him, kind of like I am shyly trying to check him out.

I think it's partly because I find his size intimidating, and partly because I am interested in him.

[RecentChange]

You need to find out if he is gay - most estimates guess that 10 percent of the population is gay, so you have a 90% chance that he isn't.

 

I come from San Francisco - many sorts of sexuality etc are accepted here - heck my straight husband gets hit on by men fairly often, he takes it light heartedly and declines....

 

That said, not everyone reacts like that, I don't know where you are, or what the personal beliefs of this huge guy are - but I think you are wise to be cautious - it could very well put you in an unsafe position.

 

Just asking someone out, or even cold approaching rarely works - even for heterosexuals.

 

So TALK to him. Try to make some small talk - what was he doing before the gym, where does he go after. What does he study, does he play sports, things like that.

 

Just try to chit chat with him like an acquaintance. If he gives you a cold shoulder, there is your answer to leave him alone.

 

If he is receptive, start to try to find out more, like if he has a girlfriend etc. If you two are old enough to drink, perhaps ask him his favorite places, that might give you some answers.

 

I will say, just like hetero dating, if he is this huge, fit, handsome man - he probably has many people desiring him (male and female). The hotties get the pick of the litter when it comes to dating.

[Michael99]

Yes, I will try to approach him next time I see him.

 

It's that possible scenario when we turn out to suddenly be alone at the gym (probably the locker rooms) and he goes for me in some way that I find the most intimidating.

It is very unsettling to know that I would have absolutely no chance if he did something like that.

But I will try approaching him next time.

[The Outlaw]

Break the ice by making small talk to start. Relax. Breath. If he's receptive, just slowly ease into it. If he isn't, just back off.

[preraph]

Even though you haven't told anyone you're gay, don't you think some people can tell? The likelihood is he isn't, the percentages are against it. But I don't see why you can't tell that by whether he's hanging out with girls or not. I mean, if he's a popular or attractive guy, he'll have girls around him.

[RecentChange]

I would stop thinking of it as "approaching" for now. Don't hit on him. Don't make googly eyes

 

Someone would have to be really off their rocker for beating someone up for asking if they are on the football team.

 

I would just say something like - "I see you in here often, what are you training for? I would guess a guy like you plays football but maybe I am wrong".

[preraph]

If you are looking at him that way you described when you see him, he surely already knows you are interested.

[Michael99]

If you are looking at him that way you described when you see him, he surely already knows you are interested.

The way I have looked at him on two occasions has been that way that I described:

I lower my head a bit to the side so that it's somewhat close to one of my shoulders, and then glance up at him, probably with doe eyes as well now when I think about it.

All of this happens on its own, without me actually thinking about it.

 

Is this a very obvious sign of interest?

And what is the psychology behind that head tilt part?

[preraph]

Well, what it seems like is sneaky, like you're sneaking looks instead of just saying "Hi."