FoodLo Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 Hey, I (male) have this one friend (female) for some time now and recently I felt more and more that she treats me different than her other friends (male/female). I don't know why. Examples would be that she rarely asks me to hang out. When I am with her I see her asking all her friends what they wanna do on some day but she never asks me. I would sit next to her and she would ask people what they are doing at the weekend. But she never/rarely asks me. If I text her and ask her if she wants to come out to a certain place with a few friends she mostly says "maybe, I don't know if I feel like it". But now the plot twist: 99% of the times she says "maybe" she shows up at the place I invited her to without telling me and is like "oh I got here by accident". Why is she doing that? Why is she not straight up saying: "Sure I will be there!". Also, sometimes she just completely ignores me when we are in a group. Once I came over to her place with a few (female) friends. I came to her place and she just ignored me, completely. She introduced herself to my friends, didn't say hey to me. My friends even asked me why she ignored me cause they noticed it. (These are just some examples) Now, I tried to just let her be. I don't need a friend like her. I have closer friends. But every time I do that. She texts me and is like "oh hey we haven't seen each other in a long time". Sometimes I just wanna say "Yeah cause every time I ask you to do stuff you say maybe" (although I know she is gonna show up.) It's annoying and her "hot and cold" moods aren't really making me enjoy this friendship more. Have you guys ever experienced something like this? I am really bad at confronting people so that's why I am looking for similar experiences first. I know talking to her would probably help, but I just don't know why she is like that. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 Since she clearly is happy with the status quo, I'd suggest you just come to grips with your frustration/annoyance and let it be what it is. She clearly wants you to keep being her friend and sees you as an important part of the group, but also gives you lower priority. It may be that, you a male and her a female, she's trying to be sure you don't get non-platonic ideas about it if she pays a lot of attention to you. Or possibly she sees making you "last pick" for her maintains her status within the group somehow. While that's perhaps annoying, it doesn't have to be something you get bent out of shape over. Also please note that I could be way off in my theoretical "reasons" here. You point out that she doesn't mean that much to you - continuing that is probably the way to go with it IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoodLo Posted October 4, 2019 Author Share Posted October 4, 2019 Since she clearly is happy with the status quo, I'd suggest you just come to grips with your frustration/annoyance and let it be what it is. She clearly wants you to keep being her friend and sees you as an important part of the group, but also gives you lower priority. It may be that, you a male and her a female, she's trying to be sure you don't get non-platonic ideas about it if she pays a lot of attention to you. Or possibly she sees making you "last pick" for her maintains her status within the group somehow. While that's perhaps annoying, it doesn't have to be something you get bent out of shape over. Also please note that I could be way off in my theoretical "reasons" here. You point out that she doesn't mean that much to you - continuing that is probably the way to go with it IMO. Well she means a lot to me actually. But seeing what she does I don't think I should invest too much since she does not reciprocate it. The thing that is annoying me is just that she won't let me go. I try to keep my distance, not talk to her, stay away and she always comes back but then treats me like she doesn't care... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 She definitely does not reciprocate it. She's only okay with being friends and even barely that. So if that's why you're hitting her up, you may as well stop and find someone else to be interested in. She's not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoodLo Posted October 4, 2019 Author Share Posted October 4, 2019 She definitely does not reciprocate it. She's only okay with being friends and even barely that. So if that's why you're hitting her up, you may as well stop and find someone else to be interested in. She's not interested. I care less about whether she is interested or not. I am just annoyed by her behavior as a FRIEND. The question is whether someone had a friend like this? Someone who seems like they don't care but won't let one go? Like I think when we wouldn't text, etc... we would probably go separate ways pretty fast but she just won't let me go... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 Fine. Quit asking her to do stuff. Why do stuff with someone you're annoyed at who acts weird. She's probably afraid you want more than friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 If she was really your friend, she'd make ample time for you and wouldn't ignore you. I'd cut ties and walk away. I don't know the full story, but she may only see you as a friend if or when it benefits her. And if that's the case, people like that, aren't ever worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoodLo Posted October 4, 2019 Author Share Posted October 4, 2019 Fine. Quit asking her to do stuff. Why do stuff with someone you're annoyed at who acts weird. She's probably afraid you want more than friendship. Quite frankly I did want more than friendship but I made that clear and she still kept texting me... And in addition we went on "dates", cuddled, etc... People thought we were dating. I never made a moves cause I wasn't sure whether I should or not. I didn't feel the 100% confidence to make a move. Maybe that's why she is pushing me back to be a "normal" friend. Cause I never made a move. But well, if she isn't willing to wait for me being sure then she isn't the right one anyways. Cutting ties will hopefully work. We haven't texted in a few days but give it a day or two and I will get a text. . . Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 Yeah, makes sense. Well, you either weren't confident enough for her OR she just decided after dating you that you weren't someone she wanted to keep for a boyfriend. I mean, that's what dating is for, seeing if you like someone that way or not. She may have just decided she only liked you for a friend. Anyway, she's not very anxious to be with you, so I would just leave her alone. She knows where to find you if she decides she misses the friendship or whatever it was. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 Should she text you after you've cut ties don't respond. The silence will speak for itself and she'll get a clue, but that's all you can do at this point. Nobody deserves to be put on the back burner and treated as if they just don't exist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoodLo Posted October 4, 2019 Author Share Posted October 4, 2019 Should she text you after you've cut ties don't respond. The silence will speak for itself and she'll get a clue, but that's all you can do at this point. Nobody deserves to be put on the back burner and treated as if they just don't exist. Yes, that's what I think too. It's just hard because I still have some kind of feelings for her. My friends told me the same as you guys! So I guess I know where I will go from here. It has been a good time with her while were "dating". Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 First lesson, then, is that the first requirement of you having feelings for someone would be that they like you back that way. Otherwise, it isn't a match and you're just liking who you hoped they were, not who they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoodLo Posted October 4, 2019 Author Share Posted October 4, 2019 First lesson, then, is that the first requirement of you having feelings for someone would be that they like you back that way. Otherwise, it isn't a match and you're just liking who you hoped they were, not who they are. Well, I am pretty sure she liked me too. I don't know why she doesn't anymore. Or do you consider it normal that we were holding hands in public, I could touch her butt, or when someone made a joke about my hair (it's weird:eek:) she said "Oh don't worry my last boyfriend and another guy I hooked up with in the past had hair like yours ;)". Let's not talk about she wanting me to delete Tinder.... So, she liked me. Obviously. And it's hard to get pushed in the back in the friendzone. But after a week or so and no contact I will be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 Oh, I remember you. Well, but when you first start dating a person, you give them the benefit of the doubt and you hope you like them. But then most of the time, the longer you know them, there will be something that you don't like and you quit dating them because they might be for someone but not for you. or they might be for friendship but you don't feel that way about them to be more. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 How old are you and this girl FoodLo? It will make a big difference to my comments. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoodLo Posted October 4, 2019 Author Share Posted October 4, 2019 Oh, I remember you. Well, but when you first start dating a person, you give them the benefit of the doubt and you hope you like them. But then most of the time, the longer you know them, there will be something that you don't like and you quit dating them because they might be for someone but not for you. or they might be for friendship but you don't feel that way about them to be more. True I have to agree. However, for me it is easier to just not be friends for now. But she won't let that happen and then acts so distant when we hang out. What does she expect? That I am over what happened in like 10 minutes? Link to post Share on other sites
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