I can’t even...

[preraph]

^ I have a good old friend who's gone through a bad time with her sister, who lives in another state. They used to be close. I kind of think her sister is maybe addicted to prescription meds because it does seem like she changed. Anyway, my friend cut her off, but they have siblings, so it's impossible for her to stay detached and she has a meddling sister in law too that likes to stir up trouble. It's been real hard on her.

 

I would say to just be strong and stand your ground with her as far as contact. Not meaning to stand your ground and be party to a Thanksgiving quarrel, but really you be the one to decide if you interact with her and try not to let others interfere with that. And don't block her but just ignore her when she's reaching out if you don't feel like getting involved. Don't let her manipulate you by telling others you don't return texts or whatever. If they bring it up, just tell them you've had to set limits with her and don't give them anything they can tell her to fuel the problems. Just basically don't offer info and that will make it clear you don't want them in the middle.

 

If you see her at a holiday, be polite, but when she tries to use that to start up contact again, if you don't feel like it, just ignore it. I actually told mine I was taking a break from her.

 

Just set up boundaries and try to stop her there instead of escalating or staying around where she can escalate. If she tries to corner you, do like you'd do to anyone else you didn't want to talk to, excuse yourself and walk away. Stay off her social media and block her from yours if you think you don't want her knowing your business. Only you know what things you need to stop her from doing but I'm just saying feel free to set boundaries with her. Being someone's relative shouldn't be a life sentence if it's bad for you.

[The Outlaw]

She maybe a narcissist, but she's likely also very insecure given the need to lie to you to tear you down. Psychologically speaking, most people don't do this unless it makes them feel good about themselves. It gives them power, but, do you think that perhaps she's jealous of you in some way?

[amaysngrace]

Why on earth would she be jealous of me???

 

She has the perfect life, judging by her instagram.

 

Honestly I think I’m just her designated person to unload all her bad feelings onto. I was getting positive attention and she didn’t like it so she felt bad and tried to hurt me back.

 

She is sick. That’s about the most honest thing I ever heard her say. This time last year I was willing to have her gone from my life because she pulled me to the ground. I got bruised from that. Then she slapped me at one of our girls’ dinners so it was twice in the same summer.

 

We did counseling but she wasn’t honest, owned nothing and didn’t really seem to even be processing what the therapist and I were talking about. She couldn’t form her words and basically just sat there with her arms crossed.

 

I figured she is who she is, she tried, I accepted it and moved on. I really thought we were in a good place.

[schlumpy]

Why on earth would she be jealous of me???

 

She has the perfect life, judging by her instagram.

 

Yes, of course but have you ever publicly acknowledged her perfect life?

[amaysngrace]

Yes, of course but have you ever publicly acknowledged her perfect life?

 

It came up in counseling because she said I’m jealous of her. I answered her and said, “I don’t want to be you, I’m happy to be me.”

 

Was that the wrong thing to say? It’s the truth.

[The Outlaw]

Why on earth would she be jealous of me???

 

She has the perfect life, judging by her instagram.

 

Honestly I think I’m just her designated person to unload all her bad feelings onto. I was getting positive attention and she didn’t like it so she felt bad and tried to hurt me back.

 

She is sick. That’s about the most honest thing I ever heard her say. This time last year I was willing to have her gone from my life because she pulled me to the ground. I got bruised from that. Then she slapped me at one of our girls’ dinners so it was twice in the same summer.

 

We did counseling but she wasn’t honest, owned nothing and didn’t really seem to even be processing what the therapist and I were talking about. She couldn’t form her words and basically just sat there with her arms crossed.

 

I figured she is who she is, she tried, I accepted it and moved on. I really thought we were in a good place.

 

It was just a suggestion. Since she was less than honest when you were in counseling, there is nothing more you can do. I know you said you don't want to, but just stay away from her as much as possible.

[amaysngrace]

Thanks Outlaw. It’s so hard since we had plans for thanksgiving.

 

In my head I know she most likely just wants an effort from me to show that she matters to me. That’s why I drove all that way for counseling.

 

I’m just tired of her feelings being the only ones that count.

[The Outlaw]

You're welcome. And I know it's never easy to just cut someone out of your life, but I've done it a number of times. Not trying to be selfish at all, but I'm a firm believer that sometimes you have to put yourself first. That's something I learned the hard way. But she sounds brutal. And she can't be as happy as she pretends to be if she's actually happy at all. It's a façade to hide how she really feels. She's put up this elaborate front to hide who she is because she's afraid of how she'll be viewed. That's how I see it. But again, I hope it works out in the end.

[Mr. Lucky]

This time last year I was willing to have her gone from my life because she pulled me to the ground. I got bruised from that. Then she slapped me at one of our girls’ dinners so it was twice in the same summer.

 

Wow amaysngrace, we’ve had some drama in our family with one member vocal on their views and intolerant of the same in others, but only harsh words, never physical violence.

 

I’d be done and would encourage anyone else to do the same. Wouldn’t wait around for Strike 3...

 

Mr. Lucky

[amaysngrace]

Ugh, so she finally reached out to remind me of book club this Thursday and she said she hopes I can make it. This was by text, so I just texted her back”no thanks” then she’s asking if I’m going to girls dinner next weekend and invited me to stay at her house. I haven’t answered her back from that at all, these texts were all from yesterday.

 

I don’t know how she can act like it never happened or be so nonchalant about lying to my face. Yes I’m going to girls dinner and I definitely don’t want to stay at her house but I really don’t even feel like interacting with her through text anymore.

 

This sucks so bad because I’m going to see her sometimes, like next weekend at dinner. I just don’t see the point in pretending anymore. It’s hardest because I’m Christian, I’m suppose to forgive, but maybe I can just forgive and still distance myself. I just don’t really want to be in the position where she can attack me just to make herself feel better. I don’t want to give her that opportunity.

 

If she’s lacking inside I feel bad for her and all but it’s not my responsibility to see she gets well. She wouldn’t anyway, with me around. She’d just use me to get a quick fix while the problem still remains. So maybe me being this way, distant, is going to help her in the long run.

 

I need to do something different though. It’s insanity otherwise.

[preraph]

As a Christian, forgive yourself for not being Mother Theresa. You tried. How she behaved in counseling says it all. She expects people to just do what she wants how she wants regardless of her own actions.

 

Maybe on this thing you're going to, arrive late, leave early. Or arrive whenever she won't be there yet or will have already left.

[amaysngrace]

Why not address this with her?

 

Ask her pointedly why she intended to hurt you with that lie.

 

That’s exactly what I did last year when she was being physical with me. The first time I let it go, the second time I distanced myself, she recognized my distance and we came to the mutual decision to go do counseling together.

 

I drove up there a few times to go and it was so apparent that she wasn’t receptive to it. One time she even expressed that she wanted to figure out why she’s so mean to me and the counselor told her to practice gratitude. Sounds simple enough to me.

 

I don’t know how to incorporate that into a conversation about her lying to me because that’s what I’d like to mention to help jar her memory. Being grateful for me and lying to me are just too conflicting.

[amaysngrace]

Girls Dinner was tonight and my sister said I misheard her. She never said that.

 

Then she said if she did say it there’s a reason why. wtf?

 

She’s such bull****. And the worst part is now I see who her little group is. And I’m a little sad about it but whatever. It sucks but really I don’t care if they’re this little brainwashed clan, if they need that then so be it. I don’t need them in my life anyway.

 

They won’t take my sparkle.

[preraph]

She gaslighted you. If she really is a narcissist, what I've read about them is that they can NEVER admit they're wrong or apologize. One thing I read is that they might feel bad about something later but not apologize or admit but instead do something extra nice for you. I'm still waiting...

[LivingWaterPlease]

So maybe me being this way, distant, is going to help her in the long run.

 

I need to do something different though. It’s insanity otherwise.

 

I'm glad to read you're going to be distant with her, amaysn. I would definitely keep my distance from anyone who'd slapped me unless they apologized and told me/showed me they were going to do better. Even then I'd be cautious until they'd earned my trust.

[amaysngrace]

She gaslighted you.

 

That’s exactly what I told her she was doing. I really should’ve just avoided her altogether but I fell into the trap. I was stupid to drink and think I could navigate the situation well. I did okay, I mean I didn’t punch her in the throat like I wanted to or anything, but I could’ve definitely handled it better.

 

Honestly I don’t really care what happens going forward.

 

I met up with a childhood friend for lunch and she has the same thing going on with her own sister from time to time. Our sisters were best friends growing up but my sister dropped her at some point. But my friend says her sister is mean to her too sometimes but right now they’re in a good place.

 

And I have another friend, my bestie, and her sister and my own are extremely close and the older one is mean to my friend sometimes. Maybe it’s just a thing older sisters do to their younger ones, be mean. Idk.

 

Anyway, I’m done. I went to confession because it was bothering me to have to cut her off but even the priest agreed that being Christian is one thing but protecting myself is important too. He told me to put up a boundary, a wall around myself to protect myself and my heart from her.

 

So there’s that.

[preraph]

I'm glad you got your priest's support on that. No one needs to accept so much negativity into their life. You can do it when you feel UP to it, and avoid her when you feel you don't want to deal with it. In the end, you do have to just stop caring what her sick self tries to do to you. I hope no one else is supporting her bullying you like that.

[amaysngrace]

If they are, preraph, they’re just bullies too. No big loss there.

[amaysngrace]

She called my cell an hour ago but I didn’t hear it cause I wasn’t near it. I really don’t want to get sucked back in.

 

I feel sorry for her but it’s not my problem to solve. Thank goodness for that Priest and his wise words. It makes it easier when my heart is being tugged at.