Lotus_Luna Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Those in a long term relationship, would you suggest looking for someone you have a passionate head over heels attraction to or someone you have a strong and healthy attachment but not so passionate? I see pros and cons with either option. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 It's best to find both of those in one person. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 I think passion and strong attachment are both sustainable. My husband and I have been friends for 20 years, married for almost 2. Even though we dated and broke up when we were younger, we've always been there for each other. I think since we've married, the passion has increased since it was built on a solid friendship. Now we've had kids together, and it feels like we're doing something we should have done years ago. With my GFs, we've been together a few years now and we are still crazy for each other. Last night GF#1 practically jumped on me like a kid and curled up in my lap to cuddle. Her energy level is amazing, and no sign of slowing down since she hit 30. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Of course, after 4 years I am more passionate now about my boyfriend than when we met. There is a difference between passion and infatuation. I did not go through infatuation-butterflies when I met my bf, I fell in love while dating and getting to know him. Sometimes I look at him and think 'my god I love this man so much it's crazy!!'. I'd say our physical relationship, our kisses, our look in each other's eyes, are more passionate now because it means more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 ^ awwww! You are very lucky, Gaeta! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Pretty much in the same boat as Gaeta, and it's great! My first marriage started out with tons of novelty-induced "feels," but after a few years it was obvious that things were not going in the direction I'd anticipated. The gears were starting to grind. We were not actually good for each other, no matter how much superficial "passion" was there in the beginning. With my fiance now, the four years since we met have flown by, and he's been such a consistently wonderful influence/presence in my life that I fall more and more in love with him all the time. I never even knew that I could "swoon" over a guy until we'd been together a couple years. My heart literally starts beating faster if I look at him for a while. I think that newness = uncertainty = excitement. THAT has definitely faded. But it's been replaced over time by the certainty that he loves me and is 100% by my side. He makes me feel absolute cherished, and novelty can't beat that. In terms of our physical/sexual relationship, it just keeps getting better so far (increased quality AND quantity), even after living together for a couple years, which most people seem to think is a passion-killer. I'm going to be very sad someday when we're just old and our bodies start breaking down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 We're 20 years into our relationship, and I can assure you that passion and a deep, healthy attachment (love) are sustainable. We are each other's best friend, and still have sex almost daily. Look for both in a person, and work on maintaining that deep connection. The rest will usually follow. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 dayum central! I don't even have daily sex in a brand new relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 It's rare but it does happen. My marriage is one of the rare cases. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 I think both are vital for a healthy relationship. I had no passion in my marriage and always felt unfulfilled and like I was missing something. In my current relationship, we have both. I did feel the butterflies and head over heals craziness for my bf in the beginning. Now, 6 years later the butterflies aren’t really there anymore. But I feel head over heels in love with and crazy attracted to him still. And, we have a great companionship and attachment to each other as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 I think for many people the initial new relationship energy (NRE) and intense love eventually fades into a less intense, more familial LT love. Probably takes longer for some than for others. However, clearly from the posts above that doesn't happen for everyone. Very happy for them! Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Choose both. For me my passion doesn’t fade over time, but for others it does. I’m pretty clear and honest with myself with what I really want though. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 6, 2019 Share Posted October 6, 2019 Now that you’ve heard from the lucky 1%, let me add some input from the rest of us. Passion ebbs and flows over the course of a decades-long relationship, affected by children, career, health and life’s other responsibilities. To stay connected takes effort and focus from both partners, and that sometimes just sustains a baseline. No different than fitness or saving for retirement, discipline and motivation are keys. Perhaps a select few are sprinkled with marital fairy dust. For the rest of us, the rewards are great, but so is the effort involved... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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