preraph Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 Well I imagine a lawyer will beg to differ. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 No they actually wouldn't, which is why among the first things they advise is to stay in the home. Why is that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ias61489 Posted January 29, 2020 Author Share Posted January 29, 2020 3 hours ago, PegNosePete said: Look you need to stop being a doormat here, and start using your backbone. How she feels about the conflict of interest??? Who cares how anyone feels? It's a violation of the law and you should do something concrete about that, not talk about "feelings". You also need to stop talking to your wife about these things, the TVs etc. If your wife tries to talk to you about it, just say "talk to my lawyer". Let me clarify... My Lawyer said she is going to talk to my wifes lawyer about the conflict of interest. She said depending on what was said It might not make a difference having him recuse himself. She said he is not the worst to deal with but she Is going to talk to him about it and he may choose to do it on his own. She stated there is alot worse people that she could have gotten, all depends on how her talk with him goes. I forgot to ask about the TV and her coming in on sunday as requested to get things and of course me just packing her stuff up but I will be doing that tomorrow. I have a lawyer and the ball is rolling and im not just giving in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ias61489 Posted January 29, 2020 Author Share Posted January 29, 2020 3 hours ago, DKT3 said: No they actually wouldn't, which is why among the first things they advise is to stay in the home. Why is that? I forgot to ask my lawyer today but Im gonna send an email and ask. I did post a question about it on avvo and had one response . This is what she said. Unless you have a court order or written stipulation giving you "exclusive occupancy" (which you can and probably should get under the circumstances), you wife still has a legal right to re-enter the former marital residence. That said, if you have already filed for divorce, the automatic orders that issue with your filing would prevent her from removing anything from the former marital residence without your consent or a court order. I suggest you get in touch with a local NY divorce attorney immediately to discuss all your rights, responsibilities and options so you can plan to avoid as much conflict as possible to obtain a satisfactory outcome from your divorce. Good luck! So do I be an a** or just let her come get the stuff. In terms of packing up I think Im just gonna do that myself. Im gonna ask my lawyer if its ok first. Forgot to ask today. My wife asked me to come in sunday to pack up and then come on Feb. 8th to pick it all up. My question for my exes gonna be who is coming to help because if she does have a new bf you can be damn sure I dont want him in my house. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 I think she has a right to get things like personal documents, diplomas, etc.... but I would not allow her to leave with any item I didn't look at. My thought is that she may have something hidden in the home that she doesn't want you to find and is trying to retrieve it. Maybe an old phone that you could possibly recover texting from that would place her in a bad light. Maybe letters or presents from her lover she doesn't want you to see. It could be anything. Don't allow her to take a handbag or purse when looking for her items. See if you can get a third party to help in case you need to leave the room. It's your call. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 It's quite a complicated issue and if you ask a lawyer you will get an answer that tells you your and her legal rights. But that isn't necessarily what works in practice. Yes a lawyer will probably tell you that since it is the marital residence, she has the right to come and go as she pleases. But in practice, if you change the locks, she will find it very difficult to realise that right. Since she has moved out, whilst she still has part ownership, it is no longer her home and you have a reasonable expectation of privacy. Gaining entry would be difficult, it's unlikely that law enforcement would look kindly on her forcing entry especially if you're home at the time, and she might need a court order which is probably not worth the cost/hassle. So yeah, if I were you this is what I'd do. Box up all her stuff, put it in the garage or somewhere she can collect it without entering the house. If she says she wants to come in and look around just say no. If she mentions anything that isn't in her boxes, just say you don't have it and all her stuff is in the boxes and it's not your problem any more. Don't bother wasting lawyer time on it, especially when they'll tell you an answer that is legally correct but not necessarily helpful in practice. I think this is what you were told on the other forum: you got told your legal rights, but that's not particularly helpful in practice. I certainly wouldn't bother with an exclusive occupancy document, or discussing your rights and responsibilities etc... just a waste of lawyer fees. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ias61489 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Share Posted January 30, 2020 12 hours ago, schlumpy said: I think she has a right to get things like personal documents, diplomas, etc.... but I would not allow her to leave with any item I didn't look at. My thought is that she may have something hidden in the home that she doesn't want you to find and is trying to retrieve it. Maybe an old phone that you could possibly recover texting from that would place her in a bad light. Maybe letters or presents from her lover she doesn't want you to see. It could be anything. Don't allow her to take a handbag or purse when looking for her items. See if you can get a third party to help in case you need to leave the room. It's your call. Yeah I'm not gonna let her just take anything she wants if its something that was bought by us or whatever the case may be. I pretty much know what is hers so just gonna get that stuff together. Already started. I think if there is any issues with something or we disagree im going to suggest we leave it be and involve it in our talks with the lawyers maybe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ias61489 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Share Posted January 30, 2020 6 hours ago, PegNosePete said: It's quite a complicated issue and if you ask a lawyer you will get an answer that tells you your and her legal rights. But that isn't necessarily what works in practice. Yes a lawyer will probably tell you that since it is the marital residence, she has the right to come and go as she pleases. But in practice, if you change the locks, she will find it very difficult to realise that right. Since she has moved out, whilst she still has part ownership, it is no longer her home and you have a reasonable expectation of privacy. Gaining entry would be difficult, it's unlikely that law enforcement would look kindly on her forcing entry especially if you're home at the time, and she might need a court order which is probably not worth the cost/hassle. So yeah, if I were you this is what I'd do. Box up all her stuff, put it in the garage or somewhere she can collect it without entering the house. If she says she wants to come in and look around just say no. If she mentions anything that isn't in her boxes, just say you don't have it and all her stuff is in the boxes and it's not your problem any more. Don't bother wasting lawyer time on it, especially when they'll tell you an answer that is legally correct but not necessarily helpful in practice. I think this is what you were told on the other forum: you got told your legal rights, but that's not particularly helpful in practice. I certainly wouldn't bother with an exclusive occupancy document, or discussing your rights and responsibilities etc... just a waste of lawyer fees. The answer I got on avvo from the lawyer was most likely what my lawyer would say. I have coded locks on the doors and already changed the codes to it. I didn't want her just entering when she knew I wasn't here. Her name Isn't on the lease and she switched her mail awhile ago so she cant say she still lives here in terms of trying to get in and getting caught. Ive already started boxing things up and just gonna stick it in the shed. She will have to come in and get her dresser and clothes that are still in it. If there is anything else that she says she wants that I didn't pack up I will have the lawyers handle it... Right now trying to figure out what to do about the debt and assets. Not enough to cover everything. I still feel bad about the apartment she just got and the fact she doesn't see that she cant afford it plus that there will be a support order. Even my lawyer said she doesn't see how she thinks she can afford it because its to much $$ ah well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 (edited) Well, that's her problem. You worry about you. And don't feel bad about it not being your problem, you've divorcing her remember, she has to put her big girl pants on and make these decisions all by herself now! I'm sure she isn't feeling bad about ANY of the things she says or does or her financial expectations or the way she is treating you... Edited January 31, 2020 by PegNosePete Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ias61489 Posted January 31, 2020 Author Share Posted January 31, 2020 2 hours ago, PegNosePete said: Well, that's her problem. You worry about you. And don't feel bad about it not being your problem, you've divorcing her remember, she has to put her big girl pants on and make these decisions all by herself now! I'm sure she isn't feeling bad about ANY of the things she says or does or her financial expectations or the way she is treating you... Yeah I'm trying not to think about it because I have my own issues to worry about. Besides the workers comp crap right now I'm trying to figure out how to get a new car that can fit the 2 booster seats and one regular car seat and actually be able to get it with no money and not being able to get a loan at the moment. My credit is fine its the debt and income thats an issue...And as you said she doesn't care about any of that because when she demanded that I sell my car because it costs to much a month I explained to her I need half the savings account to buy one since I cant get a loan at the moment and she said no and its not her problem... So why should I care how much money she is gonna lose? She will still have the ability to save more then me plus I'm pretty sure she will be claiming the tax returns for the foreseeable future since I dont file a return under comp. Not like she's gonna split them with me. And I have tons of debt that she wont be able to pay me for either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ias61489 Posted February 1, 2020 Author Share Posted February 1, 2020 Heres a question. How does one handle tax returns and who claims the kids and such with joint custody. And just to make it more complicated how would it work or how would you handle it if one person doesn't file any taxes? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 3 minutes ago, Ias61489 said: Heres a question. How does one handle tax returns and who claims the kids and such with joint custody. And just to make it more complicated how would it work or how would you handle it if one person doesn't file any taxes? Some couples fight about it (one wants to claim both/all the kids). My ex and I just share, although there have been years he's asked to claim them both. Um, no. He claims my daughter, I claim my son. As far as one not filing a return, I guess it's just something you'd have to work out and agree on together? I really don't know....good question for your attorney. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ias61489 Posted February 1, 2020 Author Share Posted February 1, 2020 6 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: Some couples fight about it (one wants to claim both/all the kids). My ex and I just share, although there have been years he's asked to claim them both. Um, no. He claims my daughter, I claim my son. As far as one not filing a return, I guess it's just something you'd have to work out and agree on together? I really don't know....good question for your attorney. Yeah I def plan on asking. Considering my wife wants full custody and no support that would imply she wants the tax return aswell. That will add another 10k to her bank account every year, Meanwhile I left with thousands in debt she doesn't wanna pay for and currently cant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ias61489 Posted February 1, 2020 Author Share Posted February 1, 2020 My lawyer said she wants to get us all in a room and try figure this out otherwise its gonna be court if my wife sticks to her guns. I think we will end up in court. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 Wouldn't the difference be debt incurred before marriage versus debt incurred after marriage with the later being shared debt? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ias61489 Posted February 1, 2020 Author Share Posted February 1, 2020 2 hours ago, schlumpy said: Wouldn't the difference be debt incurred before marriage versus debt incurred after marriage with the later being shared debt? Most of the debt that is there is from going to Disney world in august. Between the savings and tax return there would have been enough to cover it but of course now my daily credit card had went up and she has also went on a bit of a spending spree... Ive been paying bills but anyway she has pretty much blown through the savings account or as she put it "there wont be much to split when this is over". After everything is said and done I will still have alot of debt to pay and low income.. The tax returns every year are about 10k but because I am on workers comp I dont file a tax return if I am by myself which means she will get it all. Im trying to figure out if there is a way to split it over the years and then of course when I go back to work we can go back and forth who claims the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ias61489 Posted February 2, 2020 Author Share Posted February 2, 2020 Well Packed her things made quite the mess in the process but its done... she wanted to come tomorrow and do it and now she's pissed ... I'm ridiculous, degrading, disrespectful, she never did anything to make me act like this... I had spoken to my son about coming over tomorrow just him for a bit so i could spend some time with him here just me and him.. Apparently he's only allowed over when she's here and not alone. The one with the broken leg, she is refusing to let him come here by himself until his leg is healed which to me is ridiculous. I can go there and spend time with him there which I do but when I asked for him to come over after school for a bit and she's telling me he's not allowed here alone until he's healed. After school I carry him into the car and then carry him to his wheelchair at his grandmothers house. At my house i would just put him on the couch which reclines I dont see what the issue is! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ias61489 Posted February 2, 2020 Author Share Posted February 2, 2020 And I dont give a s*** about her feelings Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 7 hours ago, Ias61489 said: And I dont give a s*** about her feelings It's not the same thing as being in a happy place but righteous anger can certainly offer the same protections as long as it controlled. Use it to reinforce your will power and as an armor to deflect her emotional manipulation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ias61489 Posted February 2, 2020 Author Share Posted February 2, 2020 2 hours ago, schlumpy said: It's not the same thing as being in a happy place but righteous anger can certainly offer the same protections as long as it controlled. Use it to reinforce your will power and as an armor to deflect her emotional manipulation. That should have been a quote.. she said i don't give a s*** about her feelings. But yes either way I don't care I just wanted to do it and get it over with. lots to clean up now as i wa digging through stuff to get her stuff and find to all. Ive ruffled her feathers, Once my lawyer gets involved it should get even more interesting. I will admit packing her stuff was hard thing for me to do. She said she's insists on coming in to check and make sure everything is there and I said no she can check later and we can go from there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ias61489 Posted February 3, 2020 Author Share Posted February 3, 2020 Well she wasn't mad for long... Asked me to please bring some boxes to her house when I go and drop off my sons backpack.. Said its easier... Figures. Its easier because until the repo man comes my suv is bigger with more trunk space. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 On 2/2/2020 at 5:27 PM, Ias61489 said: Well she wasn't mad for long... Asked me to please bring some boxes to her house when I go and drop off my sons backpack.. Said its easier... Figures. Its easier because until the repo man comes my suv is bigger with more trunk space. And you are allowed to say NO stop making it easy for her to use you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ias61489 Posted February 4, 2020 Author Share Posted February 4, 2020 27 minutes ago, S2B said: And you are allowed to say NO stop making it easy for her to use you. I just didn't respond. The Not letting my son come here alone thing has gotten me pretty heated tbh. It doesn't make any sense besides a control move. I can understand before he was able to be lifted up by use me but not now since I can lift him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ias61489 Posted February 8, 2020 Author Share Posted February 8, 2020 Well she got her stuff today and was very nice to me.. We joked around we laughed and she left. Of course there is more stuff buried in storage but that will be a springtime thing. It was harder packing it then it was watching it leave. She kept her word and brought my 8 year over, so he's chillin on the reclining couch. We are all excited he's over and if I really think about it the only reason she brought him over today is so she can have some time to herself at her new place. The kid are very excited about the new place and moldiest said that a friend from school lives there so he cant wait to play with him.... Yes it makes me feel bad since I know she's gonna have to leave at some point and yes it sucks but they kids will get over it and in the end its not their fault or mine. Oh well. I have figured out what to do about getting another car. I have hoarded every dollar I can and continue to do so instead of putting it all on credit cards so the balance stays low. Gonna buy whatever I can for cash, hopefully before my next payment on this car. My lawyer has sent out the response to the complaint. She took a small retainer from me and said if my wife sticks to her guns she will need more but for now she's gonna see what she can do. On a side note the mediator I had reached out too before called me again to see how things were working out (she was very nice and gave me alot of info) I explained my wife wont do it because I wont agree to no child support. During the conversation she asked me who the lawyers were. My wifes lawyer who has been a lawyer for 27 years in this area she didn't know but mine she quickly said "oh she's very good". I found that interesting and hopefully thats a good sign. My wife refuses to talk to me about the tax return and a joint loan we have that has about 2k left on it until she talks to her lawyer. Gonna be an interesting couple weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 2 hours ago, Ias61489 said: My wife refuses to talk to me about the tax return and a joint loan we have that has about 2k left on it until she talks to her lawyer. Gonna be an interesting couple weeks. How do you think she is going to afford her new residence if she shares that with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts