Ex wants to get back but cant leave his gf (threatens to kill herself if he leaves)

[Hopefulgirl]

Ex and I (both in our late 20’s)broke up a year ago. We have been in contact every few months with him mostly initiating just checking up on me. In July he messaged me and asked how I was doing. It was a bit friendly chat, I didn't really try to ask more about him as I have tried to guard myself.

 

In August I found out he already has a girlfriend for a few months. I was really hurt and wondered why did he still msg me if he already was seeing someone. He never told me about her either. So I tried to stop thinking about him and just focused on myself. He looks happy with her, doing things with her he never did with me, met each others family, etc.

 

Towards the end of September he messaged me again and wanted to hang out. I told him I know he has a girlfriend and don't want to be involved. But he really wanted to see me to catch up so I agreed to see him once.

 

We met up and talked about whats going on with our lives. Then comes the topic about his relationship. I asked him if he’s happy but he said he is not at all happy. His new gf is very bossy and controlling. He’s been feeling this way for 3 months now and tried to break up with her twice but she would threaten to hurt/kill herself if he leaves, so he stayed. She is in her early 30’s. Btw, his gf doesnt know about me and that my ex is talking to me.

 

He told me he still likes me and has always thought about me all this time. He said he doesn't see a future with her but he can see himself with me. I also tried to be true with myself by confessing I still have feelings for him. He wants to get back together so I told him he needs to fix things with his gf if he want us to be together again. Told him we should stop talking for a while until he fix his situation so we can be together again because I want to do it the right way. He said he’s trying to break things off with her.

 

2 days later, he deactivated or even blocked me on fb. I'm not sure which one but either blocked or deactivated. It was the only means of communication we have. So I'm a bit confused as to why he suddenly did this. Is this part of him fixing things for us to be together or him choosing her over me? It was clear he really wanted to be with me. But this thing confused me now. I don't know what he’s trying to do.

Edited October 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[stillafool]

It was him choosing her over you. If they have only been together a couple of months, you witnessed proof that they are happy, it's highly unlikely that she would threaten suicide over losing him. My goodness, who does he think he is. I think he told you all of that to see if he could have sex with you again and then back to her. If he were trying to break up with her it should be easy since they probably don't live together. It should take no more than a week at the most and then on to you. Instead he blocks you. Doesn't add up.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Honestly, it sounds like he is trying to play you for a fool.

 

He's exposed himself as a liar and potential cheater. You've been temporarily blocked so his girlfriend doesn't find out the shady things he is doing behind her back.

 

You really believe the story about his unstable girlfriend? It is absolute rubbish! He is just bored and looking for some variety. I wouldn't be surprised if he was doing exactly the same thing behind your back when you were together.

 

Contacting you was just an exercise in seeing how easily he could get you back on the hook. It didn't take much, and that's all he needed to know.

Don't be surprised if he contacts you again in a few weeks or months with some sob story about why he disappeared so suddenly. It will will be a bunch of lies.

 

It's up to you if you decide to listen to this warning, but it seems very clear from an outsiders perspective that this is not a trustworthy guy. If you have high standards, you won't tolerate this kind of parasite in your life again.

 

You can do better than be some loser's side chick.

[preraph]

Saying the other woman is mental and so they can't leave is an age-old ploy to talk a second woman into sharing you and having sex with you (the main motivator). "My wife's mentally ill," "My wife is suicidal, so I'll stay with her and cheat but you mustn't take it public." I mean, think about it. What other possible excuse could you give a woman to make her rationalize it's okay to cheat with him or share him?

 

He just wants more than one woman and he probably read about this on the internet somewhere. I mean, obviously, you don't let someone blackmail you into staying because they threaten suicide, even assuming that's true, which I doubt because your guy doesn't sound that altruistic trying to hook up with you and keep her at the same time. Obviously, you either hand her over to her family, who might be able to do something with her if she actually has a problem or you call 911, which is what I advise anyone do to anyone who starts threatening suicide. Because 1) If they're serious, if you don't call 911 and something happens, how bad would you feel and 2) [more usually the case] if they're just threatening to get attention and to force you to stay with them, blackmailing you with it, then calling the police immediately will put a stop to that right away and get them admitted into a facility. And frankly, if they're saying that, even if they know what they're doing, they need a mental evaluation for just being that kind of manipulative person!

 

If you find out what her name and address is, YOU can call 911 on her if you want.

 

But I'm telling you, this is just him trying to manipulate you and start a harem and the fact you didn't just go for it and asked for the one rational thing he needs to do first is proof he was up to no good.

 

You should block him after he did this to you. Do you want to be with someone who would do that? Do you even want to be with someone who won't call 911 on someone who threatens suicide, on the remote chance that is true?

 

Remember, your dream may be to find one right man to spend a lifetime with, but a whole lot of men's dream would be to find more than one woman who would put up with them having more than one woman.

Edited October 5, 2019 by preraph

[Flame Aura]

You are indeed being played. An ex is an ex for a reason. Do not go back to him even if he says he is now single, it will just end in tears for you.

[ExpatInItaly]

No, he is not trying to fix things with her so you two can be together. He is choosing her over you. That's completely different.

 

This is not a good dude, OP. Good guys don't sneak around with an ex behind their girlfriend's back. They don't tell the ex how "crazy" the new girlfriend allegedly is. I would advise you not to take everything this guy says as gospel truth, as he's already shown you he is not an honest person. My bet is that she is not anywhere near as troubled as he claims; that was a ploy to get you to stay under this thumb while he had his cake and ate it too. He probably got caught communicating with you, and when she got rightfully got upset, he cut you off completely to save his relationship with her.

 

You're being played for a fool. You need to be smarter with your heart than this.