Fantastic opportunity tonight ruined by a selfish oaf.

[Aquarius9]

I need to vent this because I feel like I'm going out of my mind in anger. I now don't know what to do about the fantastic opportunity that I had that may still be present.

 

Tonight, I went out with my second cousin; he's about sixteen years older than me and my Mum's cousin. I don't really know him well, only met him a few times, but we both share a desire to meet women. He also had a job lined up for me at the end of the month which would have helped me out, so I didn't want to completely alienate him by ignoring him further (I'd already ignored him somewhat before - he's a strange one, long story). Basically, I want to meet a woman, and a bar is a good choice to do so, and because I didn't want to go out on my own, I accepted his invitation to go out despite not knowing him at all, really.

 

I need to kind of describe what this guy is like - he's a buffoon and he's in your face. Think of an unattractive Hank Schrader from Breaking Bad but exaggerated more and minus the cop stuff.

 

Anyway, after a while we went to a second bar. After a while, I got talking to this one girl, we spoke for maybe forty or more minutes. She seemed really into me, and this second cousin of mine was chatting to her friend, which, while it was obvious her friend wasn't into him, at least their conversation kept him at some kind of distance from us.

 

After a while, she returned from her brief trip to the toilet and began chatting to her friends briefly as they had some story to tell her or something, he said it was my round and that he wanted a drink - before we got talking to the girls, he'd been asking me "where I wanted to go" meaning going to another bar after this one, and he still was intent upon this. I said quietly that I didn't want to leave my seat out of fear of another group of guys coming over and chatting to her in my absence, wherein he asked which group of guys specifically I was worried about and something akin to "We shouldn't be clingy, it'll work, trust me. You have her FB, you can contact her tomorrow" Like an idiot, I partially gave in and went to the bar, thinking that he may be right about the clingy thing, but fully intending to return to her once I'd gotten his drink.

 

It took what felt like an age for us queue and to be served. Maybe seven minutes. The bartender had to go and collect a separate bottle of whatever whiskey the other guy wanted. I was getting increasingly angry at this. When we finally went outside, after I left my this distant relation of mine in my wake, I returned to the sight of low and behold, a group of guys chatting to the women and the one I was talking to. Granted, they weren't 'those type' of guys that she'd be interested in, they were all much older than her and not attractive (not being horrible, just saying), but still.

 

I sat down next to them, now seething at this cousin of mine for selfishly removing me from them because he, in essence, wanted to go to another bar, and I was hoping this group of men would move on, but they took longer than I'd hoped. In the end they did, but the girls moved on separately to their own corner. They were clearly tired of this cousin of mine - one of them said, as I remember "I don't care" to whatever stupid video he had to show them on his phone. He then went over to them while I sat at a distance in quiet anger looking at my phone and they rebuffed him. Over the next twenty minutes or so, they did keep moving around the bar, but probably his presence was deterring any kind of contact.

 

I isolated myself from him, trying to decide what to do. In the end, I just left out of anger. I wasn't sure if she'd want me to go over now, and as I walked out, I walked past her and her friend who surely saw me, but I didn't say anything; I'd assumed that it was now ruined and I was utterly despondent. I was so angry that I was mentally freaking out.

 

I don't think I've been so angry at anyone in years. This guy completely ruined it for me; he surely knew what he was doing - he wasn't just trying to get a drink - he wanted to leave. Who knows what could have happened if I'd have stayed out there with her? I still may have a chance, as I added her on FB so if she accepts I could message her.

 

I'm still seething now, and I have a feeling this is going to be a terrible missed opportunity and that she won't accept because he ruined it for me. Did he do this on purpose? What am I supposed to do now - is there something I could message her?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

What am I supposed to do now - is there something I could message her?

 

Act like it didn't happen, don't act angry at your relative, just message her like you would if he hadn't even been there and your contact with her was cut off prematurely for a completely acceptable reason. She wouldn't want to hear from you with negativity off the bat. It's best to stay positive.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'm still seething now, and I have a feeling this is going to be a terrible missed opportunity and that she won't accept because he ruined it for me. Did he do this on purpose? What am I supposed to do now - is there something I could message her?

 

Huh? What you describe is the back and forth flow of nearly every bar I’ve ever been to. OP, you’re awfully quick to assign blame and create drama. If you made any impression on this girl, she’ll respond to your message. If she doesn’t, I’d have a hard time blaming your cousin...

 

Mr. Lucky

[clia]

I'm having trouble seeing where your cousin ruined things for you. Sure, he asked you to step away for a few minutes to get drinks, but after that there is no reason why you could've gone back over and talked to her.

 

I said quietly that I didn't want to leave my seat out of fear of another group of guys coming over and chatting to her in my absence, wherein he asked which group of guys specifically I was worried about and something akin to "We shouldn't be clingy, it'll work, trust me. You have her FB, you can contact her tomorrow" Like an idiot, I partially gave in and went to the bar, thinking that he may be right about the clingy thing, but fully intending to return to her once I'd gotten his drink.

 

I don't think he was wrong. You could've leaned over to her and said you were going to get a drink and would be back shortly. It's not a big deal and it happens all the time at bars.

 

I sat down next to them, now seething at this cousin of mine for selfishly removing me from them because he, in essence, wanted to go to another bar, and I was hoping this group of men would move on, but they took longer than I'd hoped.

 

This all seems so dramatic. Selfishly removed you? The guy wanted another drink and it was your turn to buy. You could've handed him some cash if it was so imperative that you not get out of the seat.

 

In the end they did, but the girls moved on separately to their own corner.

 

So the guys left and, rather than talk to you, she and her friends walked away. Interesting.

 

They were clearly tired of this cousin of mine - one of them said, as I remember "I don't care" to whatever stupid video he had to show them on his phone. He then went over to them while I sat at a distance in quiet anger looking at my phone and they rebuffed him. Over the next twenty minutes or so, they did keep moving around the bar, but probably his presence was deterring any kind of contact.

 

And meanwhile, you are pouting in the corner on your phone?

 

I isolated myself from him, trying to decide what to do. In the end, I just left out of anger. I wasn't sure if she'd want me to go over now, and as I walked out, I walked past her and her friend who surely saw me, but I didn't say anything; I'd assumed that it was now ruined and I was utterly despondent. I was so angry that I was mentally freaking out.

 

This is all on you. There is no reason why you couldn't have walked over to her after you got back from the bar, or at any other point during the rest of the evening. And then you didn't even say "Nice talking to you earlier, I'll be in touch" or something like that when you saw her as you stormed out of the bar?

 

I don't think I've been so angry at anyone in years. This guy completely ruined it for me; he surely knew what he was doing - he wasn't just trying to get a drink - he wanted to leave. Who knows what could have happened if I'd have stayed out there with her? I still may have a chance, as I added her on FB so if she accepts I could message her.

 

Who knows what happened if you would've talked to her when you got back from the bar area or at some other point? Take some responsibility for your own actions here.

 

If you have her contact info, you can message her and ask her out, but I would be put off if a guy acted like you did. I'm not sure I would respond. But who knows.