Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Share Posted October 9, 2019 I didnt realise because where she was away at the time so he hadnt seen her for a while i thought he was telling the truth Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 I didnt realise because where she was away at the time so he hadnt seen her for a while i thought he was telling the truth I think you misunderstood my question. To clarify: did you know he wasn’t single when you started getting closer to him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Share Posted October 9, 2019 Not at first and then when i found out he said that he felt thinhs were over betweem them but he just didnt know how to say it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Share Posted October 9, 2019 There is no normal in these situations. A man marking time until the woman he really wants to be with lets him back in is not the man to be dealing with--no matter what he had to tell you to get the panties off---doesn't mean that he means anything more than killing time til his ex yanks the chain. The outcome always depends upon the character and integrity of all the adults involved. Why would he have just been marking time with me waiting for her to take him back? He was the one that ended things. Shes always wanted him back as far as im aware Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 Why would he have just been marking time with me waiting for her to take him back? He was the one that ended things. Shes always wanted him back as far as im aware You were a distraction, something to pass the time while he waited for things to cool down and get fixed with his ex. Why else would he keep you a complete secret? It shouldn't matter now that you have ended it with him. The blatant obvious truth is that he loves her and will most definitely be getting back with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 Why would he have just been marking time with me waiting for her to take him back? He was the one that ended things. Shes always wanted him back as far as im aware My best guess at this point is that she didn’t have a family emergency. Instead he cheated on her, she found out and left to stay with family to figure out what she wants. When she didn’t come back as soon as he would have liked , he “dumped” her in an attempt to shock her into coming back. She took the bait and came back. But she is wary of him now and therefore taking things slow , that’s why he was still free to hang out with you and for you to accomodate his needs. It also explains her asking him if there is someone else? He kept you on the hook by “pretending” to be open with you and change his fb status to in a relationship , but everyone knows that on fb , one can pick and choose their audience. There is likely more of his fb hidden from you , comments on his fiancées page etc. Yes it’s normal for seperate co parents to discuss their children but it doesn’t take all day especially with a baby and 2 yr old. The discussion would be when to pick up or drop off etc. If it was older children in school it might be a bit more involved. His fiancée is fighting for her family, he is fighting for having his cake and eating it too. He wants the kids and her around but he is ok with having a mistress to it seems. Your options are to be his mistress and never anything more. Or have nothing to do with him and find someone you can actually have a relationship with. He won’t be upset that you ended it, he will just sweet talk another about how his family left him , poor him etc etc 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 He told me things had been over for them for awhile but he didnt know how to tell her. You need to stop believe everything men tell you as the holy truth. When I was single and dating I heard 100s of time those songs 'it's over for me it's a matter of time I tell her' or the other one 'it's over but not moving out for the kids', oh and lets not forget 'we broke up 1 month ago but I am totally over her'. Those are all lies they tell you and they tell themselves. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Share Posted October 9, 2019 My best guess at this point is that she didn’t have a family emergency. Instead he cheated on her, she found out and left to stay with family to figure out what she wants. When she didn’t come back as soon as he would have liked , he “dumped” her in an attempt to shock her into coming back. She took the bait and came back. But she is wary of him now and therefore taking things slow , that’s why he was still free to hang out with you and for you to accomodate his needs. It also explains her asking him if there is someone else? There was definitely a family emergency i have heard from a few people and have seen it mentioned on facebook. And i think she asked if there was someome else because it came as a shock to her Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 Why would he have just been marking time with me waiting for her to take him back? Because he loves his children more than he loves either of you... He was the one that ended things. Shes always wanted him back as far as im aware Exactly. "As far as you are aware"--and you're going on information he wants you to know or second hand from friends speculating, and that includes what he posts on social media. Neither you nor these friends knows exactly what is going on behind closed doors with this man and the mother of his children--you know only what you've been allowed to know, which isn't necessarily the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Share Posted October 9, 2019 Exactly. "As far as you are aware"--and you're going on information he wants you to know or second hand from friends speculating, and that includes what he posts on social media. Neither you nor these friends knows exactly what is going on behind closed doors with this man and the mother of his children--you know only what you've been allowed to know, which isn't necessarily the truth. So say everything that ive been 'allowed' to believe is the truth. Then why would he have been killing time with me waiting for her to take him back when it was him who ended their relationship in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 So say everything that ive been 'allowed' to believe is the truth. But it hasn't, so I'm not going to go down that speculative road. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Share Posted October 9, 2019 But how do you know ita not the truth? You said yourselves we dont know whats really happened so theres atleast a chance that it is the truth? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 Let's pretend it's the truth for a moment. He's still a man that got his fiancée pregnant TWICE in 3 years and dropped her while both kids are still in diapers. He is still a man that started fooling around with a girl at work before separating, that makes him a CHEATER. He's still a man that is planning with with his very recent ex a 1 bedroom vacation!! WHY would you want to be with a man like this?? You think this man will not repeat with you what he did to her?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Share Posted October 9, 2019 I dont want to. Im just trying to get a feel as to what parts gave gave what opinions Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 But how do you know ita not the truth? You said yourselves we dont know whats really happened so theres atleast a chance that it is the truth? Because at my age, I know that human nature never changes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Share Posted October 9, 2019 Because at my age, I know that human nature never changes. Human nature in what sense? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 Human nature in what sense? Google it (ten characters) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Share Posted October 9, 2019 Youve lost me? Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 At the end of the day his heart never belonged to you. It was always and will always be with her and their children. You were his secret. His distraction. He wasn't honest with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 This is a whole lot of drama for a 22-year-old woman. Did you really feel prepared to be a stepmom to 2 kids under 3?? Holy hell! I know you have a lot of questions about his intentions - but that's because he was never completely honest with you and only looking out for his own best interest. THAT is why this is all confusing. Working at a bar there is always going to be lots of hooking up among the staff - it's like you live in some alternate reality because your hours are much different than a regular 9-5 and grabbing drinks with your coworkers afterward was just what you did. The fact that not only could nobody see your "status" (btw just get off FB) AND he's planning a vacay with her in the next few months is all you need to know. And his phone didn't have "credit"? Does he have a burner? I dunno - this guy has a LOT of crap going on that you don't want to be a part of, trust me. Glad you ended it before you got in too deep! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Share Posted October 9, 2019 The fact that not only could nobody see your "status" (btw just get off FB) AND he's planning a vacay with her in the next few months is all you need to know. And his phone didn't have "credit"? Does he have a burner? I dunno - this guy has a LOT of crap going on that you don't want to be a part of, trust me. Glad you ended it before you got in too deep! So am i! And he rarely has credit cos hes on pay as you go and isnt great with money. And talking about them planning to go away, obviously of they actually go it wouldve been a definite red flag if we were still together but if he had just been leading her to believe thet were going with no intention of it happening would that still have been a massive red flag? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 but if he had just been leading her to believe thet were going with no intention of it happening would that still have been a massive red flag? of course!! everything is a red flag! since when leading on someone isn't a red flag? Don't you know the difference between good and bad?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Share Posted October 9, 2019 Obviously i know it wouldve been for him to do that to her but i meant more in terms of a red flag for our relationship if we were still together. Like say if he it was her idea to go and he didnt know how to say no so went along with it but said to do it months away with the hopes it wouldnt happen? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 Him being unable to say no to her is also a red flag. It says he has no boundaries. It says he lacks self assurance. It says she's more important then anything else -- what he wants, you, etc. It says he doesn't know his own mind. All in all it's part of what makes it so heartbreaking that you are too naïve to see how badly you are being played. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Share Posted October 9, 2019 Him being unable to say no to her is also a red flag. It says he has no boundaries. It says he lacks self assurance. It says she's more important then anything else -- what he wants, you, etc. It says he doesn't know his own mind. All in all it's part of what makes it so heartbreaking that you are too naïve to see how badly you are being played. So im assuming then that if he was planning purely for the children he wouldve agreed to seperate rooms when she asked? Even though it would cost extra? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts