Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 12, 2019 Author Share Posted October 12, 2019 I was just looking for people opinions on whether they thought that hes going to get back with her now, and it seems pretty to be the general consensus that he will. Im just so disappointed in myself. That i allowed myself to get into this situation. That i didnt see it for what it was. He seemed so interested, wanting to see and talk to me all the time. Didnt pressure for sex whilst on my period and told me he loved me. It all seemed positive at first. Until he started meeting with his ex to see the childen. And everyone told me i was wrong for thinking that that wasnt right. When it wasnt wrong. From what ive heard since monday they have now been talking daily and met up again to take the children out for the day. So it seems pretty clear i was just someone who was there when he wasnt getting what he wanted/needed from her because she wasnt around. And now im the one left to deal with the fallout whilst he acts like nothing happened and goes back to the person he actually wanted all along. I think im going to steer clear of men and relationships for a very long time. Im obviously not a very good judge of character 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 i was just someone who was there when he wasnt getting what he wanted/needed from her because she wasnt around. And now im the one left to deal with the fallout whilst he acts like nothing happened and goes back to the person he actually wanted all along. I think im going to steer clear of men and relationships for a very long time. Im obviously not a very good judge of character I feel like you're getting somewhere now, maybe. This guy was bad news from the very beginning. You should never allow yourself to get involved with a man who has a partner. Ever. It doesn't matter what he says; unless and until he is officially single, stay away. The guys who try to line you up before ending it with someone else are always a bad choice. And yes, you may want to stay single until you are confident enough in yourself to say no to taken men, regardless of what flattering things they might say. Don't let your desire to feel wanted override general common sense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 12, 2019 Author Share Posted October 12, 2019 The guys who try to line you up before ending it with someone else are always a bad choice. Is it still classed the same as a rebound in cases like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 (edited) No that’s called an affair. Neither affairs or rebounds will work out in your favour. So don’t entertain either. A guy that has kids will never be emotionally available or ready for another relationship until at least a year after splitting up with the mother of his kids. Edited October 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Is it still classed the same as a rebound in cases like that? That would be classed as cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 That would be classed as cheating. I get that. But after the breakup. Would it then be classed the same as a rebound? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 He started posting stories on snapchat from his memories last night. He doesnt often do that. But they were all from 5 months ago, a year and 2 years ago. So all from times they were together. She wasnt in any of them, they were mostly him and the children. And a new one of jim with a quote that showed he wasnt happy saying 'everything right now' with sad emojis. So im thinking theyll be back together sooner rather than later Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 I get that. But after the breakup. Would it then be classed the same as a rebound? No. It would be a cheater who wanted some strange, and then wanted his ex back when he'd had enough strange. That isn't a rebound. Stay off his social media, too. You are not doing anywhere near enough to help unglue yourself from this man. Whether or not they get back together isn't your biggest problem here. It's your growing obsession with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 Stay off his social media, too. You are not doing anywhere near enough to help unglue yourself from this man. Whether or not they get back together isn't your biggest problem here. It's your growing obsession with him. I wasnt on his social media, i was watching everyones stories and it ran through to show he had posted some too Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 I wasnt on his social media, i was watching everyones stories and it ran through to show he had posted some too That’s the same as being on his social media . Unfollow him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 (edited) So ive been seeing this guy for just under 2 months, everythings going great. But i just cant shake this feeling about his ex. Hes still in daily contact with her. He says they are just friends and that its for the kids but i just dont know. Ive just found out that she and the kids will be spending the night at his at the weekend. Again he says this is for convenience and for the kids. The part i cant shake though is ive also just found out that they only broke up 2 months ago, so right before we started seeing eachother. We went to school together years ok. He was in my brothers class at school. Theyre still mates and we got talking at his birthday party. When i found out that they only broke up just before we started dating i found out that they were still together at the time of the party. She knows hes seeing someone as he told her a few days ago because she was trying to convince him to give things another go. They argued after he told her but i dont think it was actually about the fact he was currently seeing someone. She was accusing him of being a liar and a cheat. And then all of a sudden, they just stopped arguing apologised and started talking as friends. This was all in the same day. No breaks in at all. I think theyve probably had more contact in the last few days than they had all together since me and him have been dating. All since he told her he was with someone. Is it just me or is it a bit odd that they can be such good friends so soon? Am i right to be concerned? I dont want to bring it up to him to have him just dismiss it saying its for the kids. Am i justified in telling him it makes me uncomfortable? Edited October 16, 2019 by Lucyjane86 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 Yeah, this is a red flag IMO and you are right to be worried. You may very much be a rebound and they might get back together. Sad to say, but I would keep your expectations very low for this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 I thought you had broken up with him? They are not friends for the sake of being friends. They are friends while they work on their problems and patch things up. Sometimes couples find it easier to work on their problems while playing friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 I agreed to give things another go because he told her about us Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 In some cases Exes can be friends although I can't for the world figure out why that would be desirable. For the Kids maybe? No need to be uncivil but best buddies? I don't see it. I think you are on dangerous ground here. I think the likelihood of these two getting back together and leaving you holding the bag is pretty high so I would encourage you lower the temperature and get more casual until you find out what will happen. If at some point in the future she has a boy friend then maybe you can loosen up. You are in an unprotected position relying on him being truthful with you. Look at his actions and don't listen to the words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 So do you think then that even though hes told her about us that still doesnt necessarily mean that hes serious, just that hes not ready to go back to her yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 I am extremely close to one of my exes ... and we talk ... about once every two months. And she lives 3,000 miles away with her husband. This guy is not broken up with his ex. Gaeta has it right: they're still dating ... they just aren't using that title. Yes, you can be dating someone and not know it ... happens all the time when people break up ... "they stay in touch" ... and they get back together. In reality the "stay in touch" period was just a slow period of the dating. You need to get out ASAP! NEVER date someone who talks to an ex 2x a day. NEVER! The only exception is shared custody of a kid ... and 2x a day should be for a short period of time ... maybe when one person is going through a crisis. Two months is not remotely long enough time to be away from an ex ... to form a real friendship ... think five years! ... ten years! ....That's how long it really takes for both people to genuinely give up hope of anything happening again ... Oh and in the case of my ex, who I'm close to ... we were friends for most of the time and dated only a short period ... even then, it took years for us to fully settle into being friends again. He's getting back with his ex. You can bet that ... and he'll sleep with her soon if he hasn't already. Get out--this is NOT fair to you ... no matter what he says. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 He told her though that he didnt want to get back with her because he was seeing someone Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 Lucy: He will spend the night there this weekend and many other weekends, they have a trip planned together for the holidays and will rent 1 bedroom. I bet you he tells her in private that you don't matter. As for you, why in the world do you want to date a man that has 2 babies still in diapers?? a man that cheated on the mother of his babies?? You really think he's going to be faithful to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 Theyre spending the night at his. And i think after their argument that the trip is cancelled. He said he ended things with her because he wasnt in love with her anymore. Do you think them talking as friends and laughing and joking around together could bring back why he fell in love with her to begin with. I know they had alot of distance between them for awhile so maybe them being friends like this will bring them back together? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 If I remember well she lives with room-mates and he lives alone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 He lives with his uncle but they dont have anything to do with each other. He just stays in his room. Whenever ive been there we've never been in any other part of the flat than his bedroom, he doesnt use the living room or anything so as not to socialise with his uncle. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 So if she visits him at his place they would have much more privacy than at her place, right! Don't you think it's odd that he doesn't visit her at her place instead where she has cribs, clothes, food, diapers, for the babies.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 They would yes. He has beds for the children in his bedroom from when they used to stay. Its not just for a visit, its because they are spending the weekend taking children out for the youngests birthday. They are going out on saturday and to his families house on sunday and everywhere they are going is closer to his place so its just for convenience Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 Lucy: You are the other woman. I cannot stick around another 259 posts to make you understand that. So you stick around, give it your best shot because it is really what you want to do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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