Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 18, 2019 Author Share Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) I meant about him not being over her Edited October 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 He's keeping her on the hook on purpose so that she keeps sending him money. Now ask yourself - why would she be doing that when the kids don't live with him? And they were never married?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 18, 2019 Author Share Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) I dont know, why would she? Edited October 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 Is he really hot? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 18, 2019 Author Share Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) Nothing special Edited October 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 I meant about him not being over her The thing is that the issue of him being over her or not is quite trivial when compared to: ... him getting with other girls, him having problems with alcohol and money, his anger issues and his depression and anxiety, the pregnancy, which apparently he told her to abort or she'd never see or hear from him again... The real issue is that this guy's a trainwreck. At 22 you may not realize this, but people who are trainwrecks have a very strong tendency to turn the people who love them's lives into trainwrecks too. That's why folks are so confused about you focusing on whether he's going to go back to her (spoiler alert: he almost certainly is IF she lets him). What you should be doing is ending it with this guy. Period. End of story. For all the other reasons you mention. ... and even through everything, no matter whats happened between them, he always finds his way back to her... Well there you go. But that isn't the point. The trainwreck part is the point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 Do yourself a HUGE favor and let her deal with this mess. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 To get to the myopic point: Yes, he will go back to her, assuming he already isn't doing so behind your back. This isn't an insult to you so please don't take it that way, but why wouldn't he go back to her? She's his enabler. She gives him money and expects no responsibility from him in terms of being a quality SO, man or father. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 Lucy, the way you post and the repetitive questions, over and over, make me wonder something. This might be a wild stab in the dark, but I have to ask: Are you actually the fiancee here? Is it really starting to sound to me like you might be the jilted fiancee desperately and consistently seeking reassurance that he's going to come back to you after this fling is over. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 18, 2019 Author Share Posted October 18, 2019 To get to the myopic point: Yes, he will go back to her, assuming he already isn't doing so behind your back. This isn't an insult to you so please don't take it that way, but why wouldn't he go back to her? She's his enabler. She gives him money and expects no responsibility from him in terms of being a quality SO, man or father. So basically he'll go back to her because shes a doormat? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 Are you actually the fiancee here? Wow!! this makes so much sense! and it would explain why she never e-v-e-r address all his dysfunctions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 18, 2019 Author Share Posted October 18, 2019 Lucy, the way you post and the repetitive questions, over and over, make me wonder something. This might be a wild stab in the dark, but I have to ask: Are you actually the fiancee here? Is it really starting to sound to me like you might be the jilted fiancee desperately and consistently seeking reassurance that he's going to come back to you after this fling is over. No im not. Im just confused by the fact he tells me he loves me and hes told her about us yet everyone is still sure hes not over her. I am however taking it all on board and i think im going to end things with him again. And no doubt as soon as i do their plans for her to stay will be back on Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 18, 2019 Author Share Posted October 18, 2019 Wow!! this makes so much sense! and it would explain why she never e-v-e-r address all his dysfunctions. How do you mean? Ive told you all of his dysfunctions? Is that not what youre all basing your opinions on? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 He did not tell her about you. He only said he was seeing someone. He's a liar, he lies to her, and he lies to you. He told her she's the one and wants another baby with her, then turns around and tells you he loves you. What comes out of his mouth is only lies lies lies. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 How do you mean? Ive told you all of his dysfunctions? Is that not what youre all basing your opinions on? You have never answered why you want a boyfriend that is a cheater, a liar, unreliable, bad with money, alcoholic, has anger issues, makes babies left and right and doesn't financially support them...why do you want a boyfriend like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 18, 2019 Author Share Posted October 18, 2019 He did not tell her about you. He only said he was seeing someone. How is that not the same thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 18, 2019 Author Share Posted October 18, 2019 You have never answered why you want a boyfriend that is a cheater, a liar, unreliable, bad with money, alcoholic, has anger issues, makes babies left and right and doesn't financially support them...why do you want a boyfriend like that? I dont want a boyfriend like that Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 If you don't want a boyfriend like that THEN why did you take him back?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 18, 2019 Author Share Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) If you don't want a boyfriend like that THEN why did you take him back?? Because i didnt think of him as being like that. I thought maybe he was only like that because he was unhappy with her Edited October 18, 2019 by Lucyjane86 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 Wow!! this makes so much sense! and it would explain why she never e-v-e-r address all his dysfunctions. That's what got me thinking. It would make sense that someone who is already tied to him with engagement and kids would have a lot more trouble seeing him for the tool he really is, and not be able to accept that he left - thus seeking nearly constant reassurance that he will come back. It was the repetitive line of questioning and some of the details that made me wonder whose point of view we're really hearing here. OP, as you claim this isn't the case, I won't harp on that. But, my opinion of the future with him has not changed. He's not going to stick around, and both of you women will eventually be left in the dust. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 19, 2019 Author Share Posted October 19, 2019 That's what got me thinking. It would make sense that someone who is already tied to him with engagement and kids would have a lot more trouble seeing him for the tool he really is, and not be able to accept that he left - thus seeking nearly constant reassurance that he will come back. It was the repetitive line of questioning and some of the details that made me wonder whose point of view we're really hearing here. OP, as you claim this isn't the case, I won't harp on that. But, my opinion of the future with him has not changed. He's not going to stick around, and both of you women will eventually be left in the dust. So youre opinion has changed? Now you dont think he wants either of us? Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 What's your plan op? You know now that you will never be as much of a priority to him as her and their kids. She loves and wants him back. He clearly still has feelings for her and will likely give into her before long. He lies, cheats, bad with money. If he's getting his money from her then God knows what he's doing to get it. I'm having trouble understanding why you are with a guy like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 Because i didnt think of him as being like that. I thought maybe he was only like that because he was unhappy with her Here is a hint. If a man is a liar, a cheater, a manipulator, unrealiable, irresponsible with 1 woman then he will be all that with all the women going through his life. Men (women) are not jerks with 1 person and a prince/princess charming with the next. What he does to her he will do to you and the cycle of cheating on you has already started. I wouldn't be surprised he has already asked you for money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 Because i didnt think of him as being like that. I thought maybe he was only like that because he was unhappy with her It is actually immaterial why he is a "mess", the fact he is a "mess" is the reason you stay away for your own good. His coping skills are poor, he drinks too much, he spends too much, he cheats, he gets depressed, he gets anxious, he gets angry, he runs away from his responsibilities... These are not the traits of a stable, honest and true man, and unless you really want a dreadful, chaotic and upsetting life lurching from one disaster to the next then a stable, honest and true man is the man you need. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 So youre opinion has changed? Now you dont think he wants either of us? Not in the sense that you don't have a future with him; that has been my position since the beginning. I think he will bounce back to her soon, though, which is what I have been saying since you opened this thread, too. But ultimately? No, I don't think he's going to wind up with either of you. He has no respect for you or her, and he isn't invested enough either way to stick around for the long haul. You are a notch on his belt. He will date and have sex with other women before he settles down for good, and it will probably be years from now, for a woman who doesn't take his s**t the way you or his ex-fiancee does. That is the type he will be afraid to toy with and lose. She will raise his kids largely without him, as is already the case. You? You will wind up with other guys like this unless you do some serious work on your self-esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
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