Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 21, 2019 Author Share Posted October 21, 2019 But its only just been mentioned today? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 I know the movie part definitely has to be more about her but would the children not atleast be interested in the fireworks at the bonfire? They're babies, no it's not interesting to them, it could even be scary. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 21, 2019 Author Share Posted October 21, 2019 Do you think maybe its something shes planned and that he doesnt realise the children wont like it so he thinks its for them but that shes planned it more to see him? Or do you think he would know they wouldnt like it and has gone ahead with planning anyway so as to spend time with her? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 Lucy, do you think we all have crystal balls which allow us insight into the minds of another? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 21, 2019 Author Share Posted October 21, 2019 No but i think you probably have more life experience and insight or opinions Link to post Share on other sites
dramallama Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 Do you think the same as everyone else? That they get along too well? "Too well" is subjective. I remember a friend's parents who were lovely as friends but awful as spouses. The divorce was a very confusing time for all. I think they have not had time to work out how they are going to function apart yet, and so without a settled dynamic to assess, you can't work out whether it's one that works for you or makes you anxious. And you ARE anxious right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 21, 2019 Author Share Posted October 21, 2019 "Too well" is subjective. I remember a friend's parents who were lovely as friends but awful as spouses. The divorce was a very confusing time for all. From what ive heard they never had any problems. It was only when she went away that he fell out of love with her. Everyone at work has said how great they were together and how much he loved her. And she still wants him back, she was still trying last week to get him back, thats when they argued really bad and then i believe since then they have been like best friends and talk every day Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 No but i think you probably have more life experience and insight or opinions But you refuse to accept what we convey to you of our experience. When we write from said experience, you look for a way to negate it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 21, 2019 Author Share Posted October 21, 2019 I dont mean it to come across that way. Im just trying to look at things from every angle and see why people think what they think Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 I think it doesn't take a trained professional to see that you are looking for every single possible explanation and then negating it in order to allow yourself HOPE and protect yourself from potential hurt by trying to speculate about what is going on. If you really want to know, just ask him. That is really the only chance at getting a true answer. I think you are avoiding that because deep down you know you won't get a clarifying or honest or positive in your favor answer. He seems like he is marking time with you at best. So how is it that you know he is texting with her "half the day"? Are you still spying on his text messages and how do you have access to those? It's disturbing that you would take it to these lengths. You just need to accept what it is currently if you are going to continue with him. Spying on him is not going to change what he does or will do--if anything, your own actions when he discovers them will push him away. BTW, he told her about you (albeit minimally and specially minimally) to probably try to scare her that he was moving on and/or as a part of their dysfunction. He was probably trying to garner a reaction from her if he told a partial truth. He probably didn't expand on it because he didn't want to fully scare her away and it's meant to be a catalyst NOT an insight into what he is really doing. It's a tool, not the truth of his feelings IMO. Though to be fair, you've are clearly not in a real committed relationship so perhaps it's you that is overblown and hopeful about what you guys are and these 33(!!) pages are you trying to figure out your chances with him, which is definitely what it seems like. You are not acting like a woman in a secure and progressing relationship. Actually the exact opposite. since you aren't going to let this go, i think you should stop playing guessing games and just give you balanced best. Give what you are getting and nothing extra in an effort to win him over. Honestly, only time will tell. However, to continue with these thoughts you have and all the spying, supposition, and worrying, all THAT stuff will seep into whatever you do have and poison it. You think you are hiding it but it's coming out for sure in the way you phrase things, your body language and what you do. It's like a 3rd person in your relationship with him--not her specifically but your feelings and thoughts about her. You should stop it or you will regret how you've handled this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 So how is it that you know he is texting with her "half the day"? Are you still spying on his text messages and how do you have access to those? BTW, he told her about you (albeit minimally and specially minimally) to probably try to scare her that he was moving on and/or as a part of their dysfunction. He was probably trying to garner a reaction from her if he told a partial truth. He probably didn't expand on it because he didn't want to fully scare her away and it's meant to be a catalyst NOT an insight into what he is really doing. It's a tool, not the truth of his feelings IMO. I dont know for sure he is, i said i think he had been. I only know what he has told me which shows that obviously they have spoken and i have seen him on his phone all day texting so assume it was with her has he hasnt mentioned anyone else. What do you mean by a catalyst and a tool? Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 wow, ok...i thought i was clear as day. TELLING HER HE IS DATING "SOMEONE" = THE POTENTIAL THAT THE "THREAT", i.e you/nameless person he is dating, WILL CAUSE HER TO SEE THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO LOSE HIM AND POSSIBLE CHANCE FOR RECONCILIATION. A simple equation. Tell person X the information Y in order that it CAUSES (i.e. the catalyst or tool part) them to take a certain action. Before you get all literal on me, realize that he will operate with the risks in mind. If he tells her too much or gives you a name, he is saying it for real perhaps. The more vague, he is probably just trying to scare her into action without scaring her away. Um, this is a pretty common one from a lot of people's play books--typically girls do it more to guys but nonetheless guys do it as well. The fact that he didn't give much "shape" and realness to who you are and still spent time with her and texting with her all day kind of gives credence to the fact that he's is still trying with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Lucy is this "relationship" meeting your needs? It is truly the only question which needs to be asked. And you're the only one who can answer it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 TELLING HER HE IS DATING "SOMEONE" = THE POTENTIAL THAT THE "THREAT", i.e you/nameless person he is dating, WILL CAUSE HER TO SEE THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO LOSE HIM AND POSSIBLE CHANCE FOR RECONCILIATION. But he told her he was seeing someone because she was trying to get him back so why would he be trying to get that kind of reaction from her? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 But he told her he was seeing someone because she was trying to get him back so why would he be trying to get that kind of reaction from her? Were you an eye witness to this happening? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 I saw the texts. He showed me to show that he had told her. She asked why he wouldnt atleast talk about things and he said because he was seeing someone Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 I saw the texts. He showed me to show that he had told her. She asked why he wouldnt atleast talk about things and he said because he was seeing someone So what conclusion did you draw from that and your questions you put to him about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 How do you mean? At the time I took it to mean that he meant what he said, that he wanted to be with me Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 How do you mean? At the time I took it to mean that he meant what he said, that he wanted to be with me Why has that view changed? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Hes just shared a post on social media that has the quote "alot men and women stay single because they are tires of giving everything and ending up with nothing". Why would he post something like that when hes not single? Not sure, but I certainly see the irony. From what ive heard they get along really well still. And they text every day. They took the children to a theme park on saturday and it seems like he had a really good day. He doesnt have the children on his own, they only go out as a family. Ive seen he signs his texts of with xxx too. Uh huh. But i think they get on too well. They text everyday and its not all about the children. They have family days out with the children and are planning to take the children to the bonfire and then go to his for a movie night with a takeaway. There hasnt been any mention of them staying over but surely after the bonfire its going to be late at night? The children are going to want to sleep? So even if they dont stay over that still leaves them alone at his watching a movie whilst the children are most likely sleeping. That cant be normal even for co parenting? Everyone here seems so adamant that hes not over her in the slightest and after today im really starting to agree. Progress - that's good! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 Because he is texting with her daily, i dont think its all aboyt the children, and making plans for things like movie nights at his place. And because of everything everyone on here is saying Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 So what will you do with this new train of thought? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 Well at the moment im still wondering if its the rightbtrain of thought. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Which brings me back to my last question: is this "relationship" meeting your needs? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 Sometime. He seems to be hot and cold Link to post Share on other sites
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