Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 6, 2019 Author Share Posted October 6, 2019 Hes just agreed to go on a double date to the cinema tomorrow. Maybe hes more invested than i first thought? Link to post Share on other sites
lavenderandvelvet Posted October 6, 2019 Share Posted October 6, 2019 1. You seem to have unrealistic expectations of what the relationship between him and the mother of his children (and the associated family) should be 2. You are expecting a lot of “public” for a very new relationship 3. There is a red flag if he started to get emotionally involved with you so quickly I don’t think either of you are ready for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 6, 2019 Author Share Posted October 6, 2019 I dont expect everything to be public but i didnt expect everything to be so secretive either. Like he has it on his facebook relationship status that he is in a relationship with me but ive been told by friends that they cant see it so he has it set so that only he can see it, well and me. I dont know what the relationship with them should be but i didnt think it would involve spending so much time with her. Its not all the time, he hasnt seen her in 2 weeks and they havent had much contact in that time, but what contact they have had hasnt all been about the children and when he does see her he spends the day with her. He doesnt just take the children for a while and then take them home he spends the day with all of them going out like a family. And he got emotionally involved with me before we got together properly. He ended things with her telling her they were over as he needed time and space because he didnt think he loved her anymore. And he told me that he loved me. We didnt begin our actual relationship until 2 weeks after the broke up after he spent the day with her and the children. Which was the first time he had seen her and them in a couple of months. That was just over 2 weeks ago. He is currently arranging to see them again Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 6, 2019 Author Share Posted October 6, 2019 So ive just witnessed my final red flag This is definitely not a relationship i want to be in. No matter how much i dislike the idea of him spending days out with her like a family i would never stop.him seeing his children. We arranged to go to the cinema tomorrow but his ex text saying she was in the area and so he could aee the children. She said even if he was working she would take them to see him there for a little while when he has his break. He got in to an argument with her about how he can see them any day in the week but not tomorrow as hes not around at all all day. She asked what he was doing and was it important as one of the children kept crying asking for him and he refused more than once to answer asking what she was doing all week instead until she eventually said if he wont put them first then he can stay away and he then acted as though she was the bad guy in it all. He could have told her he had plans but he wont because he wont tell her about me. Or he could have rearranged his plans with me but instead he chose to turn it into an argument and then scream that she wont let him see them. I agree that the children should come first, especially as they are so young, and also i didnt like 1, his temper, 2 the fact he was given plenty of chances and still chose to lie and hide me away from her, and 3 the way he twisted as though she was the one in the wrong. That most definitely is not the kind of man i want to be with Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 Stay strong in your decision to stay away from this guy, OP. You are right that his behaviour regarding this most recent episode speaks very poorly of him. A big part of me suspects he's trying to make his ex jealous by purposely being secretive with her, and it's at the expense of his own children. He's playing games with his kids as pawns. I hope you finally have your blinders off and can see that he is not a good person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 7, 2019 Author Share Posted October 7, 2019 If i didnt last night. I definitely do now! We were going to the cinema as planned as we were also going with mates so i was going to tell him after that it was over. He has spent almost the entire time texting her. At first they were arguing still which made him distant and moody but from what ive been able to make out now by seeing his phone as he texts they are now arranging to take the children away for a few days. She asked if he wanted a seperate room and he said they didnt need 2 rooms Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 What does everyone think? 1. you're the rebound and this isn't going to go anywhere 2. he and his children's mom are still emotionally intertwined and most likely will be for some time to come. 3. you need to stop pooping where you eat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 7, 2019 Author Share Posted October 7, 2019 Yes that seems to be the general consenus. That i was a rebound. It also seems quite clear that he will be more than likely get back together with her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 7, 2019 Author Share Posted October 7, 2019 I have another thread about whether my 'boyfriend' is over is ex. So anyway... today we were supposed to go on a double date to the cinema. His ex text him this morning saying one of their children had fallen and hit her head and might need the hospital, then this afternoon she text saying that the child didnt seem right and she was taking her in to be seen. He had no credit on his phone to contact her so decided that we couldnt go to the cinema as he needed to go to his work, a pub, so as to use the wifi to speak to her. He was then messaging her for hours, even though he said he wasnt, and from what i could make out from the few parts of texts that i saw they were arranging to take the children away for a week. And share a room. She asked about seperate rooms and he said they didnt need them. Is that something that people do? Go on family holidays, sharing a room, with there ex? Back story..... They broke up just over a month ago as me and him had been getting close for a while whilst she was away dealing with a family crisis. We work together. We have been official for 2 weeks. He made things official after a day out with her and the children. It was the first time they had seen eachother in a couple of months. That was 2 weeks after they split Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 He only broke up with the mother of his children one month ago & is still planning a family holiday. Honey you are not the GF. You are the OW. At best you are the rebound. Sorry. Don't waste another 2 weeks on this guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 7, 2019 Author Share Posted October 7, 2019 I was trying to edit my post but it wouldnt let me. To say that when they split he told her that they were over because he needed time and space because his head was a mess and he didnt think he was in love with her anymore but that you never know what the future holds. She has no idea hes seeing anyone, even though hes had plenty of chances to tell her. I thought he was trying to soften the blow but ive been told things on my other theead that show me how wrong i was. I dont think its something they already had planned. I think they just started planning it today. I dont think it said family holiday either, just to take the children away but i did see that he said they didnt need seperate rooms. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 Is that something that people do? Go on family holidays, sharing a room, with there ex? How much more confirmation do you need that this guy is being shady, OP? You said in your last thread you'd seen enough red flags to essentially call it a day. What is it you're pretending not to see here? Stop wasting your time on him. You're a placeholder until they get back together. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 What on earth are you playing at here? He is treating you like a piece of dirt on the bottom of his shoe, and you are not only allowing it, but saying thank you very much more please! Anyone with any ounce of self respect would have dumped this joker long ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 7, 2019 Author Share Posted October 7, 2019 I am ending things! I have already told him that when i see him tomorrow at work we need to talk. I still have to work with him so want to try to do things amicably if at all possible. I just wondered if taking the children away like that was considered normal behaviour as i was told a few time on my last thread that i had unrealistc views on how he should act with his ex as they have children Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 No, not and them sharing a room. He's still with his ex. This is them getting back together. I'm glad you have decided to stop seeing him. Be civil, but be clear that you don't want to start anything up ever again with him so he gets the message and doesn't run to you every time they have a tiff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 7, 2019 Author Share Posted October 7, 2019 I dont think it was for anytime soon because i know he said to her how hard it will be for him to get the time off this side of christmas Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 It's not normal to go on double dates with his ex. It's not normal for him to blow you off just because she can't make it. It's not normal for him to stay at work so he can speak to his ex. It's not normal for him to message her for hours. It's not normal to then lie about it. And no, it's not normal to go away together and definitely not normal to share a room. I haven't read your other threads but there's so many red flags in just this one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 Why does it matter when this holiday is going to take place? He is not done with her. That's all that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 Even my 15 year old knows to not get involved with a boy right out of a relationship, how come you don't know that yet? I would not touch this man with a 6' pole. Sure he told you he was done with her but that was said when the break up happened. Now the dust is starting to fall and he's planning a family vacations in a 1 bedroom hotel. They will get back together, it's a matter of a couple of months, not even. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 7, 2019 Author Share Posted October 7, 2019 The double date wasnt with his ex. It was with some friends from work. He cancelled it because his daughter had an accident and the ex was taking her to the hospital. He never went though as at first they were arguing and she said she didnt want him there. But we went up to our work so he could have wifi to message her about it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 7, 2019 Author Share Posted October 7, 2019 Even my 15 year old knows to not get involved with a boy right out of a relationship, how come you don't know that yet? I would not touch this man with a 6' pole. Sure he told you he was done with her but that was said when the break up happened. Now the dust is starting to fall and he's planning a family vacations in a 1 bedroom hotel. They will get back together, it's a matter of a couple of months, not even. I know not to get with a guy right out of a relationship but i thoughy it was different as we had been getting close before they ended. Thats why they ended. Or atleast so i thought at the time Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 I know not to get with a guy right out of a relationship but i thoughy it was different as we had been getting close before they ended. Thats why they ended. Or atleast so i thought at the time That's even worse, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 7, 2019 Author Share Posted October 7, 2019 I know it is and i am not proud of myself. I just never realised that that could still be counted as a rebound. I guess it was a case of 'grass is greener', and them having not seen eachother for a while Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 Not it's not normal to go on vacation with your EX & your kids. when they split he told her that they were over because he needed time and space because his head was a mess and he didnt think he was in love with her anymore Space? Are you kidding me? What a bunch of BS. You don't walk out on your kids because life isn't a bed of roses. Adults get their heads on straight & do what they have to -- no matter that it's not fun -- for their children & to honor their commitments. Why are you so desperate to hang on to such an unworthy man? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 7, 2019 Author Share Posted October 7, 2019 Why are you so desperate to hang on to such an unworthy man? Im not. Im ending things as soon as i see him tomorrow. I was just looking for abit more insight in to whats considered normal in a situation like that as ive been told i have no idea of the way a man should act around the mother of his children after they seperate and thay i have unrealistic views about the relationship they should have Link to post Share on other sites
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