basil67 Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 So, it's not a straight up Yes on your part. The way I see it, if he was meeting your needs and you were mostly happy, you wouldn't be here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 I am mostly happy. Or atleast i would be if i knew his talking to her meant nothing Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 A Yes with caveats is still a No. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 (edited) He has definitely told her hes seeing someone. Ive seen the texts. She asked why he wouldnt atleast talk about trying again and he said because he was seeing someone. They seem to be getting more in contact since then. Not less Edited October 22, 2019 by Lucyjane86 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 We go out a bit. Just for a few drinks or to the cinema or something. He doesnt have a lot of money though so we usually just stay in at his and watch movies with a pizza or something. I think thats what he used to do with her alot because they didnt go out because of the children so its probably also just what hes used to doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 Do you not consider these to be dates? Link to post Share on other sites
Legatus Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Do you not consider these to be dates? Very tricky question what one can consider as date. Having fun? A kiss at the end? Some chemistry? The important question here is whether you think they are dates, if so, you should let him now "I enjoyed our date" - and his answer might reveal his opinion.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 I never really thought of them as dates but then i also never really actually thought about dates. I just thought about it as him wanting to spend time with me Link to post Share on other sites
Legatus Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Great! That's what counts! No need to label it then unless time comes when you want something more.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 See this is where im confused because everyone says he should be taking me out on dates? Link to post Share on other sites
Legatus Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 If you want that too and you want to have absolutely no doubts about whether it's a proper date or not, why don't you come up with an idea? It doesn't have to be expensive or anything but just making it official. I sense that you need it. "Let's go on a proper date. <details>". Will he back out or happily go along and appreciate the initiative? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 I dont know. He would probably go along with it, depending on what it was and what money he had. I do feel like he does more with her though. They dont see eachother often but when they do its always to take the children out to somewhere like a playground and for lubch or this weekend they took them to a theme park for the babys birthday. They hadnt planned to go there but their plans for where they were going fell through for some reason. He met her early in the morning and didnt get home til late that night. Then met them again the next day to take the children to his parents place. And hes planned a movie night at his with her next week so if hes doing the same things with her as he is with me then does that mean he doesnt think of them as dates? Or that he thinks of the movie night with her as a date? Link to post Share on other sites
Legatus Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Doing the same things with different people doesn't mean you feel the same way about them. When I watch a movie with a friend it's different when I watch it with a girl I am just getting to know. It will probably look 100% the same but in my head, definitely not. You can try to guess what he's thinking and what this and that means to him but ultimately the only way to assess it is to find out, one way or another... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 Ok. But he shouldnt be doing these things with her at all though really, should he? Thats what everyone else is saying and its how i feel about it too. Link to post Share on other sites
Legatus Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 It seems like you don't want him to. From what I can read in this thread you're holding onto him pretty badly despite all the things that make you wonder. Sounds like you're not happy with him. You should put things straight what you want and expect. Give yourself a benefit of the doubt that YOU now best what YOU need/want Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 To me theyre pushing boundries. They broke up around 2 months ago yet spend family days together and text eachother daily. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 When exactly do you spend time with him? You've been on LS since 10/8. When was the last time you got together with him? You don't speak much about the time you spend with him but only ask questions about him and the other girl. Why is that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 I see him at work and for a few hours afterwards and if we have the same days off. We used to spend the whole day together if we were off but we only saw eachother for a few hours yesterday and a few hours after he got home from going to his parents on sunday. I ask more about her because i feel like he shouldnt be talking to her as much as he does and getting along as well as they do and because everyone on here is always telling me that they have more of a relationship that we do Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 I see him at work and for a few hours afterwards and if we have the same days off. We used to spend the whole day together if we were off but we only saw eachother for a few hours yesterday and a few hours after he got home from going to his parents on sunday. You guys don't have planned dates? No overnight stays? I ask more about her because i feel like he shouldnt be talking to her as much as he does and getting along as well as they do and because everyone on here is always telling me that they have more of a relationship that we do And, how do you feel? Do you think this is true? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 We're spending today together aswell but again hes told jer hes working all day instead of saying hes with me Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 He has definitely told her hes seeing someone. Ive seen the texts. She asked why he wouldnt atleast talk about trying again and he said because he was seeing someone. They seem to be getting more in contact since then. Not less See? That's what i mean that he took "telling her about dating someone" out of a playbook lots of people use. It sparks jealousy and fear of losing the person for good. So it looks like telling her about you vaguely has worked. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Lucy: Sounds like you're in the business of finding yourself a bad boyfriend. Don't you have better goals for yourself? You said you are in University why not find a man that's also studying for a brighter future? Why do you pick men at the bottom of the barrel? Don't you want a boyfriend that will take you out, a boyfriend that will be proud to introduce you as his gf, a man that will talk about you by naming you, a man that doesn't have an ex texting him, a man that doesn't have 2 babies in tow, a man that makes more than minimal wages and most importantly a man that will pay pizza with his own money and not the money he bumped out of his ex! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 We're spending today together aswell but again hes told jer hes working all day instead of saying hes with me Um so he's hiding his REAL time with you from her. You are the side chick. Sorry, this sounds like an affair. If it is not a straight up one bc he's not married, it's as close to it as one gets--he's emotionally WITH her, not you. That's why the dialogue on this thread is reminiscent of those on the Other woman threads..... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 I agree with Gaeta. Plus it's never a good idea to date people you work with. If you break up it's always awkward having to see them every day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 atleast i would be if i knew his talking to her meant nothing We're spending today together aswell Looks like today is your lucky day. You can ask him all the questions you keep asking us--he's the only one with the answers and you get to see him today. Make good use of your time. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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