preraph Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 (edited) I just caught up with this thread. She can't stop him from seeing the children! They're his children! He should have gone to court and gotten joint custody and he shouldn't be seeing HER when he sees the kids! That's totally unnecessary and completely unconventional. He can't say no and he won't take care of the custody business by going before a judge and letting the judge set the rule. Because he is still very involved with her. He's not in love with anybody. He's in love with sex. That's all he cares about. He doesn't cultivate the relationship. He doesn't have enough money to be very independent. He's letting her think they're still an item and she's using the kids and his stupidity at not getting the thing finalized legally to be sure he does. He can't say no because he doesn't WANT to say no, because you know what? "No" is one syllable anybody with vocal cords can make. He's hiding you from her or did for as long as he could. He's talk to her and seeing her and doing things with her. I don't care WHAT he tells you about what he thinks of her. He lets her call all the shots because she is No. 1. Again, those kids, all that can be handled legally where he never has to see her if he doesn't want to. He cheated on her, and he's cheating on you, because that's what cheaters do. There's none of this "but he REALLY loves me and it was meant to be." He's not in love. He just wants convenient sex. He lies like the wind and always will. You're young and can do so much better. You already know he's a cheat and a liar. He is encumbered with kids and doesn't have enough money for YOU to want kids with him. It's completely nuts you're hanging onto every straw to stay with this lying tool. Edited October 22, 2019 by preraph 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 Im 22. Hes 25 and i believe shes in her early 30s. How is he cheating on me? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Oh, I see. I didn't say he was cheating on you, did I? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 No, sorry. That wasnt you. And you see? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Yes I saw your ages. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 I thought maybe it was something about our ages that you meant Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 You spent the today with him, yet you have been on the internet this whole time asking us questions when he's right next to you. What is the disconnect here? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Im 22. Hes 25 and i believe shes in her early 30s. How is he cheating on me? He's seeing her constantly when he doesn't have to see her hardly ever at all! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 He wants to keep both, but it's all about sex, not love. Lots of men aren't looking for "the one" but are looking for as many as they can find willing to look the other way, like the OP is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 He's seeing her constantly when he doesn't have to see her hardly ever at all! This is what a cheater does. You are his secret. His OW. Which makes me think he gets free sex with no (little) expense and not much effort. Meanwhile he’s afraid to be alone... and he’s waiting for things to work out with HER... that’s why he won’t tell her he’s with you. Honestly - he’s been treating you as anyone would a friends with benefits. He’s actually cheating on HER - because YOU are the one he keeps a secret! He doesnt see her constantly. He hardly sees her. He only sees her when he sees the children. Other than the weekend hes only seen her twice. He does spend the day with them all though. And they text everyday. He cant be cheating on her, they arent together and she knows he is seeing someone. Link to post Share on other sites
dramallama Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 He cant be cheating on her, they arent together and she knows he is seeing someone. Lucy, he's EMOTIONALLY with HER, even if he's PHYSICALLY with YOU. She knows there's the threat of a phantom other woman, but he's not made you real for her - she doesn't know when he's with you, how much time he's spending with you, etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 You're getting ready to find out exactly who is more important to him when Thanksgiving, Christmas Day and New Years Eve roll around. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 Lucy, he's EMOTIONALLY with HER, even if he's PHYSICALLY with YOU. She knows there's the threat of a phantom other woman, but he's not made you real for her - she doesn't know when he's with you, how much time he's spending with you, etc. So even though they arent together they still kind of are? We dont celebrate Thanksgiving the same here and I'm not around for Christmas and New Year this year Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Anytime she snaps her fingers, he will drop you and go. She is his priority. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 He doesnt though. Theyve argued before because she tried getting him to see the children but he was with me so made up excuses as to why he couldnt Link to post Share on other sites
dramallama Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 You're getting ready to find out exactly who is more important to him when Thanksgiving, Christmas Day and New Years Eve roll around. "For the children" who will barely remember it and nap half the day. Yeah. For the children. Link to post Share on other sites
dramallama Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 So even though they arent together they still kind of are? Yes, because 2 months isn't enough time to emotionally detach from a previous partner who you're trying to co-parent with, especially the way they're doing it. It might be a weird heart-breaking time for them, knowing the relationship is doomed and over, but unable to let go; or he could be a weasly git who likes having her and you chasing him. Link to post Share on other sites
Legatus Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 @Lucyjane86 I think you have an answer to his every behaviour and if that's the case what do you really wanted to achieve across 15 pages of this story here? Remember that just because you see it one way it doesn't mean that it's the way it is. We give you different opinions based on your words and when we do, you go and almost defend him. What is this circle about? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 It might be a weird heart-breaking time for them, knowing the relationship is doomed and over, but unable to let go; or he could be a weasly git who likes having her and you chasing him. But he had already fallen out of love with her when he ended things with her. Because he hadnt seen her for a couple of months so surely he was already emotionally detatched from her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 @Lucyjane86 I think you have an answer to his every behaviour and if that's the case what do you really wanted to achieve across 15 pages of this story here? Remember that just because you see it one way it doesn't mean that it's the way it is. We give you different opinions based on your words and when we do, you go and almost defend him. What is this circle about? In not defending anything. Im just looking at every angle. And trying to clarify things Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 But he had already fallen out of love with her when he ended things with her. Because he hadnt seen her for a couple of months so surely he was already emotionally detatched from her? So what he had not seen her for a couple of months? You really think men fall out of love because their GF are away a couple of months? On the other hand he told you he loved you after what? 2 weeks? You think it's really love when a man says 'I love you' after only 2 weeks? I think this man is playing you big time because you are extremely naive. . Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 But clearly you're not getting clarification because you're asking the same questions over and over again. And some of the questions you ask seem like you're being deliberately obtuse. Let's get back to bascs: Pretend you have a daughter. Is this the type of man you'd want to see her with? Is this the type of relationship you'd be happy for her to be in? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Just for clarity, Lucyjane, I suspect that many of us feel, given what you've written about him, that you should walk away REGARDLESS of whether he's over her or not. Just based on his other characteristics. I think we are hoping you realize that the chance of a happy ending here is extremely low and the chance of harm (emotional and possibly other kinds) is high. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Share Posted October 22, 2019 He told me he had fallen out of love with her whilst she was away. And in that time he met me which i thought also played a part in him realising he didnt love her anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Sure he told you that Lucy but we all know he's a liar and has no problems lying to her and to you so......when you answer us with *he told me* it has very little value. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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