Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 23, 2019 Author Share Posted October 23, 2019 But its me he spends his time with. Maybe thats just how they choose to co parent? To do family gatherings together? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 I dont approve but i cant make him do anything. If she needs money then its down to her to say no to him and to make him pay towards them. Its not on me You are voluntarely missing my point. You're missing every point that doesn't suit you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 23, 2019 Author Share Posted October 23, 2019 Ok. So then what was the point? I thought it was that you thought i approved of his not paying for the children. Qhich i dont. I dont condone it at all. But its upto them to sort out finances and things. Thats got nothing to do with me. They arent my children, ive never even met them before so its really not my place to be saying what they should and shouldnt do about money Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 I've only just now read the first page and last few pages of your previous 50 page thread, and now reading this... WHOAH. This guy clearly has no idea of boundaries, what he is doing is no way OK, he is no way over her, you are going to end up getting hurt. Why are you letting someone do all this to you? Please get some self respect and drop this guy as he clearly has no respect for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Legatus Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 Yes they can. I am very good friends with my ex and I would never have believed that had it no happened to me. Regardless of how it sounds, that woman had such impact on my life I will always be grateful to her and interested in her life and amazing things she does. There is nothing romantic going on as we live 7000 miles apart but she is in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
dramallama Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 Oh Lucy. On your other thread you shared more detail - that he and her had been friends/ FWB for ages before getting together 'officially', that they weren't official when she fell pregnant the first time etc. They have a long and complex history stretching back years. It's unrealistic to expect that they'd be emotionally detached from each other after a couple of months of separation, whatever he's said to you about losing feelings for her etc. They need to settle into co-parenting as exes, it's going to be a journey, it takes time to figure out. My friend did lots of lunches 'as a family' for a while with her ex but it always ended up with him sending her emotional texts afterwards so she had to stop. They might go that way eventually. Whatever is going on with them, it's making you anxious and it's not a settled enough situation for you to attempt to build anything with this man. Why are you hanging on to him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 24, 2019 Author Share Posted October 24, 2019 I know i did. But i didnt think it would make that much of a difference Link to post Share on other sites
dramallama Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 and... Whatever is going on with them, it's making you anxious and it's not a settled enough situation for you to attempt to build anything with this man. Why are you hanging on to him? ??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 24, 2019 Author Share Posted October 24, 2019 I dont know. I really like him Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 (edited) Can they really be friends so soon? - Exes can be friends, but that is not he case with these two. Or is it like everyone on my previous thread says, that they are far too close and hes not over her? They are working on reconciling. That is why they are doing so many "family" activities together. Usually, in a split up with kids, the Dad would take them somewhere by himself. Maybe on a rare occasion they would all go. But most of the time when a couple is attempting to reconcile, they try to continue to function as a family more often so as to give the kids some sense of stability while the couple is working on their "issues". You are a back burner girl, a temporary "fix" for somethings until they do actually get back together. Edited October 24, 2019 by Redhead14 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 Lucy: he said he wanted to give it a proper go with you, how do you think that proper go should look like? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 24, 2019 Author Share Posted October 24, 2019 I dont know. Spending time together Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 A relationship is not only about 'spending time together'. It's about doing activities together, going places together, traveling, meeting family and friends, it's about enjoying common interests and working toward a same goal. It's also about respect, consideration, compromise. It's about elevating that special person, making her feel special and important. It's equally about being proud of each other, telling the world this is my gf. It's about establishing boundaries, not putting ourselves in positions that would hurt our special someone, like not sleeping in their ex's houses, not secretly texting them, not keeping with them any improper intimacy. Intimacy is not only about our bodies, it's also about sharing moments, memories, secrets, together. This man has told you he loves you. That's a big statement. It means he is ready to give you all that I have explained above, Is he doing that? . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 exes cannot be friends unless you have children together Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 They are now planning to take the children to the bonfire together and then go to his place for a movie night and sex afterwards. Fixed that for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 Exes can sometimes be friends, typically when enough time has passed (think years, not months) and both are in new, happy relationships. In your case, your bf (assuming he's even that) and his ex (another misnomer) are still seemingly very much together: - They spend time together with their kids - They text often - Texts include sexual references - He hides your presence (does not tell her when he is with you) - They plan intimate gatherings (movie nights at home = Netflix and chill) - She has actively stated she wants to reconcile - His family is in favor of them staying together 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 He basically cheated on her with you, at least emotionally. You participated in the collapse of his family. Rather than deal with grief from the breakup of his family, he's monkey-branched onto you. How long before the distraction of you/the new relationship no longer works, and he's forced to deal with his emotions and feelings of loss? Somehow you feel entitled to the attention he gives his children. His ex and his children are a package deal, at least until the children become adults. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 I don't know how old you are Lucyjane, but you seem to be extremely young. You are trying to deal with adult "problems". You should be having fun with a boyfriend. Going out on real dates, doing fun things. A real/quality boyfriend will have a car, will pay for things for you, will show you off. Bring to you family functions. He will want to talk to you often and see you often. He will be upfront with everyone about seeing you. How old is he also? Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 How old is he also? IIRC she is 22 and he is 25. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 Ok, I missed that. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 24, 2019 Author Share Posted October 24, 2019 exes cannot be friends unless you have children together They do have children together Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 24, 2019 Author Share Posted October 24, 2019 He basically cheated on her with you, at least emotionally. You participated in the collapse of his family. Rather than deal with grief from the breakup of his family, he's monkey-branched onto you. How long before the distraction of you/the new relationship no longer works, and he's forced to deal with his emotions and feelings of loss? Somehow you feel entitled to the attention he gives his children. His ex and his children are a package deal, at least until the children become adults. How can he have feelings of loss if they are in daily contact? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 You should be having fun with a boyfriend. Going out on real dates, doing fun things. A real/quality boyfriend will have a car, will pay for things for you, will show you off. Bring to you family functions. He will want to talk to you often and see you often. He will be upfront with everyone about seeing you. Yes but the OP has not had a relationship for 4 years, despite being at uni. This guy took notice of her, hence I guess the attachment to him despite red flags that would send most women scurrying away as fast as their little legs would carry them... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
vv3469802 Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 Can exes really be just friends? No, they can't. If you want to have strong relationships with him - give him ultimatum about his ex. Stop they's everydays meetings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 24, 2019 Author Share Posted October 24, 2019 They arent meeting everyday. Just texting Link to post Share on other sites
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