Gaeta Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Even if its not until after christmas? You're trying to find some hope to hold on to. There is no difference between 1 month or 3 months. When couples split it takes a full year sometimes more to fully process the break up. That's why you don't date a man right out of a relationship even more if you were involved with him during their marriage/relationship. These 2 are getting back together. What you had with this man is nothing compared to years of relationship with the mother of his children. You need to step down and let them fix their relationship, there are children involved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 That's why you don't date a man right out of a relationship even more if you were involved with him during their marriage/relationship. Why even more so if you were involved before they split? I mean obviously i know that thats wrong and i am not proud of it. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Why even more so if you were involved before they split? Because it shows he is a cheater. Why are you so desperate to be in a relationship with a cheater? Do you really think he will cheat WITH you, but won't cheat ON you? That is what cheaters do right, they cheat...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 Im not. Im ending things with him. I thought it was meant in terms of a rebound. Like is it still considered the same as a rebound if they ended thi gs to be with someone else? What about the fact that it came about because they hadnt seen eachother in about 2 months? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Why even more so if you were involved before they split? Because you're just a tool for him to use while he's going through some marital problems. You're a de-stressors, a sex partner, something to distract him and entertain him. Only 25% of men will leave their wife for a mistress, out of those 25% only 5% will work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 Only 25% of men will leave their wife for a mistress, out of those 25% only 5% will work out. That few? I had no idea the numbers were so low. I thought plenty of people left relationships to be with someone else and i had no no clue so few worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 Ive ended things! According to one of the guys here he turned up early to use the wifi to talk to her. Theyve been messaging all day making plans of places to take the children and talking about how down hes feeling with his anxiety and depression. I dont think they went too much into it but he didnt even tell me he was feeling down. Which answers one of my previous questions. That he is actually depressed but wanted me to think he was happy. Probably wont be long now before theyre back together and i have to see him bring them all into work. Thatll be fun :/ Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Ive ended things! According to one of the guys here he turned up early to use the wifi to talk to her. Theyve been messaging all day making plans of places to take the children and talking about how down hes feeling with his anxiety and depression. I dont think they went too much into it but he didnt even tell me he was feeling down. Which answers one of my previous questions. That he is actually depressed but wanted me to think he was happy. he's not depressed... he's cheating and that's stressing him t.f. out. Probably wont be long now before theyre back together and i have to see him bring them all into work. Thatll be fun :/ that's why you leave married men and fathers in relationships alone and you don't poop where you eat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 he's not depressed... he's cheating and that's stressing him t.f. out. He definitely ended things with her. I saw the messages. She practically begged him to give things another go. Even asked him if there was soneone else and he said no. Even though there obviously was but even the last few days hes still refused to tell her. And i know he has a history with depression and anxiety as people at work have said about it and how much better he was when he was with her, how she always helped him through things Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Ive ended things! According to one of the guys here he turned up early to use the wifi to talk to her. Theyve been messaging all day making plans of places to take the children and talking about how down hes feeling with his anxiety and depression. I dont think they went too much into it but he didnt even tell me he was feeling down. Which answers one of my previous questions. That he is actually depressed but wanted me to think he was happy. Probably wont be long now before theyre back together and i have to see him bring them all into work. Thatll be fun :/ He's depressed because he realize he could actually lose her and he doesn't want that. He doesn't really want to break his family apart. He didn't tell you he's feeling down because you're not actually that important to him, I'm afraid to say. He used you for sex and attention, OP. Now that she's back and he has had a cold dose of reality, you are going to be shelved. Learn a lesson from this: don't date coworkers. And don't sink so low as to be a taken man's side-piece. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 (edited) Im seeing that now. I do have one other question, its over now anyway so makes no difference. Theyve been messaging most of the day, does it matter whats been said or is just the fact that hes been talking to her for so long today and yesterday bad on its own? Like even if it had have been purely about the children would that have been considered ok? Edited October 8, 2019 by Lucyjane86 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Im seeing that now. I do have one other question, its over now anyway so makes no difference. Theyve been messaging most of the day, does it matter whats been said or is just the fact that hes been talking to her for so long today and yesterday bad on its own? Like even if it had have been purely about the children would that have been considered ok? It's over. None of this matters. He is free to do whatever he wishes to do with him time--it's no longer any of your business. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 I know that! I was just wondering if it would have bern considered ok. Im trying to get a feel for whats considered normal in these situations as i clearly have no idea about the relationship a man should have with the mother of his children after the have seperated. I was just looking for abit more insight into it Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 OP, your first clue that none of this was okay should have been when he started getting close to you without having broken up with her. Everything after that is only further evidence that he's sketchy. Why you expected anything serious from him is rather baffling, but in the future? Run from the guys who try to butter you up when they're not single. Good guys don't behave like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 I know but im not talking about my relationship with him or even him specifically really. Just in general would it be normal for a guy to spend the best part of the day messaging his ex if it was purely about their children? Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Nope. Not normal. One of your biggest clues had to do with a relationship status on facebook that only you could see. He was actively hiding you because he didn't want to close the door on the ex. I'm not even convinced things were ever fully over between them. He certainly did not proceed in any way that would indicate there was a breakup. After 2 weeks, it was very unrealistic to expect any type of social media change between any of the family members/ex given that she is the mother of his children. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 I'm not even convinced things were ever fully over between them. He certainly did not proceed in any way that would indicate there was a breakup. After 2 weeks, it was very unrealistic to expect any type of social media change between any of the family members/ex given that she is the mother of his children. He had definitely ended things with her. I saw the messages. Plus his facebook used to say engaged to her. I was staying at his just about every night and with him almost everyday at some point during the day. So he definitely couldnt have been spending any time with her. He only met up with her the once since the split and have very limited contact after that. Until yesterday. Since then i believe they have spoken quite alot. And they have been split for over a month and hadnt seen eachother for about 2 months before that so i thought he might have atleast taken some of the pics of her down. Especially the ones quoting my world and my one and only and things like that Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 I know that! I was just wondering if it would have bern considered ok. Im trying to get a feel for whats considered normal in these situations as i clearly have no idea about the relationship a man should have with the mother of his children after the have seperated. I was just looking for abit more insight into it There is no normal in these situations. A man marking time until the woman he really wants to be with lets him back in is not the man to be dealing with--no matter what he had to tell you to get the panties off---doesn't mean that he means anything more than killing time til his ex yanks the chain. The outcome always depends upon the character and integrity of all the adults involved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 He had definitely ended things with her. Then why is he still sniffing in behind her? No--that's what he wanted you to know. The truth was far from that, but cling to it if it gives you comfort... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Share Posted October 9, 2019 I dont know why. I just know that she went away to deal with a family crisis taking the children with her. She was gone around 6 to 8 weeks and he said in that time that he had fallen out of love with her and was getting close to me. He ended things with her when she got back. Saw her 2 weeks later to see the children and that day said he wanted us to be 'official'. I assumed at the the time it was because seeing her confirmed to him he no longer loved her Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 LucyJane: This guy is a big liar and manipulator. He spent 2-3 years with his ex and managed to make 2 babies with her? then he dumps her? His children must both be under 3 years old? Then she goes away for 6-8 weeks and it's all it takes for him to fall out of love?? He's feeding you a huge load of BS and you're eating it! Why would you want to be with a man that abandons a woman with 2 small children?? . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Share Posted October 9, 2019 He's feeding you a huge load of BS and you're eating it! Hes not telling me anything anymore as ive ended things but yes thats what he said. And his children are 2 and almost 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 And don't take him back. Now ask yourself why in the world did you have an affair with a man with 2 babies at home!!! Try to imagine this was happening to you, your husband makes you 2 babies in a row, bang-bang! then leaves you for a girl at the office. Stay away from married men, and stay away from co-workers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Share Posted October 9, 2019 I didnt realise at first. He told me things had been over for them for awhile but he didnt know how to tell her. And she never knew about me. Even now i dont think she knows Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 I didnt realise at first. He told me things had been over for them for awhile but he didnt know how to tell her. And she never knew about me. Even now i dont think she knows How did you not realize that this was a big problem? Girl, come on. I know you are not that naive. Stop pretending to be. Look where it's gotten you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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