ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 I admit i probably came off as naive when we met as i had been single for 4 years before meeting him and i was new at work so i didnt know anything about his relationship or anything to begin with like the others at work do. It was only after i started seeing him that i started to hear things at work When you started talking to him, you knew he was not single though - did you not? Unless and until you take ownership for your crappy choices, you will wind up with clowns like this again and again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 He has tried messaging and talking to me since i ended things. Hes fluctuated between angry, confused and sweet talking. We didnt always have sex. He was quite happy for me to stay over even when i couldnt have sex because of my period. I dont think him and his ex really went on dates, i think they would just meet up and take the children out for the day and stop for lunch somewhere. And she would stay at his alot too. Not as often as i had been but i live closer, and we we work together so it was a lot easier for us. Whereas im assuming she would only stay when he was off work. But i really dont think he really does the dating part. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 Winning lottery numbers please. Well that’s a bit silly since I wasn’t predicting the future. My comment was based on facts provided by the op. Past tense. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 He has tried messaging and talking to me since i ended things. Hes fluctuated between angry, confused and sweet talking. We didnt always have sex. He was quite happy for me to stay over even when i couldnt have sex because of my period. I dont think him and his ex really went on dates, i think they would just meet up and take the children out for the day and stop for lunch somewhere. And she would stay at his alot too. Not as often as i had been but i live closer, and we we work together so it was a lot easier for us. Whereas im assuming she would only stay when he was off work. But i really dont think he really does the dating part. You already said the only time you didn’t have sex was when you had your period. But still fooled around?? He dated his ex. Before children. You stayed a lot as you live closer and work together , so you admit that it was convenient for him right? That’s exactly what suited him. No effort with maximum gain. He “doesn’t do the dating part” if he doesn’t have to. He fluctuates between angry , confused and sweet talking! Of course he does!! Angry that he does not have sex on a platter, confused as to how he can get that back and then sweet talking in an attempt to. But he still hasn’t asked you out on a date!! Block his number. At work , stop listening to gossip and keep things professional. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 You already said the only time you didn’t have sex was when you had your period. But still fooled around??.[/tQUOTE] Mostly just kisskng and cuddling im bed whilst i was on my period. Would you say that what hes doing with her now could be classed as dating. Meeting to take the children out, spending the day going to playgrounds and for lunch? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 Would you say that what hes doing with her now could be classed as dating. Meeting to take the children out, spending the day going to playgrounds and for lunch? Why does it matter? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 Im just trying to get an idea of what everyone classes as a date. Do you think that there is a part of him that never really wanted to break up with her, but he got grass is greener syndrome with me? So theres a part if him that does want her back but he was caught up in the excitement and newness with me, in the honeymoon phase? Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 You already said the only time you didn’t have sex was when you had your period. But still fooled around??.[/tQUOTE] Mostly just kisskng and cuddling im bed whilst i was on my period. Would you say that what hes doing with her now could be classed as dating. Meeting to take the children out, spending the day going to playgrounds and for lunch? Ah so period didn’t stall his physical pleasure. Thanks for clarifying. No he is not dating her. Parents rarely get to date because they have children in the mix. But when he was with you he was free of kids and had the time to date you. He just didn’t want to or have to. You do realise that this is more about you than him right? If a guy can have sex with no effort at all he will do that! Why did you have sex with him without any effort on his part? Do you not want a guy that values you? Your whole thread is trying to figure him out , when really the question you should be raising is “why did I do that to myself?” Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 Because at first i thought he was putting some effort in. He would want to see me all the time, text all the time that i wasnt with him. We went to a few places like town and for a drink and my cousins fundraiser. I just thought of them as like a date as we were out spending time togwther. I didnt look at the bigger picture and see that actually none of those really required any effort Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 Do you think that there is a part of him that never really wanted to break up with her, but he got grass is greener syndrome with me? Possibly. And you're probably not the first girl he's cheated with, either. He's too comfortable with infidelity for this to have been his first rodeo, in my opinion. What he does isn't really important anymore, though. It's more pertinent to figure out where your head is at, and why you lack good decision-making skills. Your own moral compass needs a tune-up if you were willing to even entertain a guy who was not single. Where are your ethics at, OP? What did you tell yourself to give yourself permission to essentially be this guy's side-piece? Usually low self-esteem has a lot to do with it, so I am curious to hear why you don't value yourself that much. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 Im just trying to get an idea of what everyone classes as a date. Do you think that there is a part of him that never really wanted to break up with her, but he got grass is greener syndrome with me? So theres a part if him that does want her back but he was caught up in the excitement and newness with me, in the honeymoon phase? What are you talking about??? There was NO honeymoon phase with you. You went from zero to sex faster than a Ferrari! There was nothing new about you at all!! He didn’t even have to get to know you!? He still doesn’t know you because he never dated you. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 Because at first i thought he was putting some effort in. He would want to see me all the time, text all the time that i wasnt with him. We went to a few places like town and for a drink and my cousins fundraiser. I just thought of them as like a date as we were out spending time togwther. I didnt look at the bigger picture and see that actually none of those really required any effort He wanted to see you for sex. He would text all the time for the 14 days , for sex. You went to town because after that there would be sex. He went to your cousins fundraiser because there would be beer and afterwards sex. Of course there was no effort made. Dating is when a person asks you to do something alone together yet in public ,dinner , drinks, a picnic , a hobby you share , whatever. And has the patience to arrange that for a weeks time or whenever suits you both. But you know this!!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 I dont know where my head is at right now. Im so confused and disappointed in myself. I didnt realise he wasnt single at first by the time i found out i had gotten in too deep and believed him when he said things were already over between them but that he just hadnt told her yet. Especially when he then did end things with her. To me that confirmed what he had said. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 He does seem to like a drink. So even if we had have made it to the cinema on monday that wouldnt have counted either as it was a double date and only arranged a day or 2 before hand Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 i had gotten in too deep and believed him when he said things were already over between them but that he just hadnt told her yet. That makes zero sense. You need to be a lot smarter with men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 He told me that while she was away he had fallen out of love with her, he said that falling for me confirmed that to him. That he felt they were already over but that he didnt know how to tell her. So then when he did tell her to me that confirmed what he had already told me Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 Yes, I know the story he sold you. You've repeated it several times. Your mistake was pretending not to see the gigantic problem with a relationship being "over" without one party having any clue it was over. If a guy is telling you his relationship is over but he just needs to bring his fiancee up to speed, you walk away. It is clear evidence you're dealing with a bad seed. It is obvious that you are nowhere near done with this joker. You say you are, but your pages of questions and over-analysis reveal your true feelings. If we can sense it here, he definitely senses it in person. And he will use it to his advantage when he wants some side-action. I can't imagine who you were turning down to prioritize this dude. Do you not get asked out very much, or? Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 I dont know where my head is at right now. Im so confused and disappointed in myself. I didnt realise he wasnt single at first by the time i found out i had gotten in too deep and believed him when he said things were already over between them but that he just hadnt told her yet. Especially when he then did end things with her. To me that confirmed what he had said. By the time you found out he wasn’t single and was engaged and a father of two , you were in too deep??? Deep in what?? And after a few weeks? So basically you had sex with a guy not knowing if he was single , engaged or married? So he cared so little about you to not even reveal the truth? His bs that they were over but he hadn’t told her yet (because you incidentally found out) was a knee jerk reaction to get sex that night?! And anyway , it doesn’t really matter if he did end it with her. From that day and until a year at least later , he is not dateable. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 He told me that while she was away he had fallen out of love with her, he said that falling for me confirmed that to him. That he felt they were already over but that he didnt know how to tell her. So then when he did tell her to me that confirmed what he had already told me Yes yes yes ... sweet talk to bed you. You told us that already. All words no actions as I previously said yet you coninue to ignore? Why are you still believing his words and ignoring ours? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 I can't imagine who you were turning down to prioritize this dude. Do you not get asked out very much, or? By the time you found out he wasn’t single and was engaged and a father of two , you were in too deep??? Deep in what?? And after a few weeks? And anyway , it doesn’t really matter if he did end it with her. From that day and until a year at least later , he is not dateable. No i dont get asked out all that much. A few guys have shown an interest but i was focussing on my studies. I had just finished uni and come home when i started this job and met him. And we had been talking and getting to know eachother for a couple of months. It was only after the split that we actually got together. About 2 weeks after they split. The same day he saw her for the first time in about 3 months to take the children out And a year? Really? Why that long? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 You really need to get out there and meet other guys, OP. Expand your social circle. Build up your self-esteem. Then get on some dating apps. And stay the hell away from anyone who is not 100% single, from the very first day you start communicating with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 I have a few best friends. I dont see them huge amounts anymore. I did go for a meal and a drink with one on tuesday whilst he was at his mums, no doubt texting his ex the whole time too. Im guessing that was a warning sign too. That we had the same 2 days off but only saw eachother 1 of them because he wanted to go to his mums the other day? But i havent really had the chance to meet up with them lately. Between working, seeing him and looking after my little sister i havent had alot of time for anything Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 Talking as in flirting and getting to know eachother. Talking at work and texting outside of work. A year just seems a long time given they were only together 2-3 years Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 Talking as in flirting and getting to know eachother. Talking at work and texting outside of work. A year just seems a long time given they were only together 2-3 years They were only together 3 years. They also flirted before getting together. You were never together with him. You just slept with him. You are struggling to get over him after 14 days, imagine if you had been with him for the 1000 days he was with her? You dismiss the time he spent with her and the two children he fathered with her, yet thing your special 14 days trumps that??? Please?! Stop being ridiculous!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 Talking as in flirting and getting to know eachother. Talking at work and texting outside of work. A year just seems a long time given they were only together 2-3 years They have two children together. Truth is he may never really get over her, as she, as the mother of his children will always be in his life. Many couples go through rough patches when there are young kids involved. Men start feeling ignored, lonely and left out, sex dwindles. He looks elsewhere for attention, but the children are often what brings them back together again. The sex resumes, he engages with the kids and accepts the father role and they all end up playing happy families... You are not the love of his life, you were a distraction when he was not getting sex from his gf... now she is back... she isn't going anywhere... Link to post Share on other sites
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