Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 They were only together 3 years. They also flirted before getting together! They also met at work, a differenr work and were friends/ fwb for a couple of years before getting together properly ad she was already pregnant or had had the eldest before they were official Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 You are struggling to get over him after 14 days, imagine if you had been with him for the 1000 days he was with her? You dismiss the time he spent with her and the two children he fathered with her, yet thing your special 14 days trumps that??? Please?! Stop being ridiculous!! Its not thay i cant get over him, im struggling to understand it all. And i dont dismiss her i just didnt expect to be in that situation because i thought he was over her when he left her for me Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 They have two children together. Truth is he may never really get over her, as she, as the mother of his children will always be in his life. Many couples go through rough patches when there are young kids involved. Men start feeling ignored, lonely and left out, sex dwindles. He looks elsewhere for attention, but the children are often what brings them back together again. The sex resumes, he engages with the kids and accepts the father role and they all end up playing happy families... You are not the love of his life, you were a distraction when he was not getting sex from his gf... now she is back... she isn't going anywhere... i know she isnt going anywhere, from what ive heard she wants him back and is doing anything possible to make that happen Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 im struggling to understand it all. Probably only HIS therapist would understand all the whys you're asking yourself. Understanding his behavior will not make it hurt less for you. Acceptance is what will help you move on. Accept it's over. . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 I know its over. It was me that ended it. I just cant understand why he would still be hung up on her when her was the one that left her? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 Lucy: Go get a good book like 'Women that love too much'. You will understand a great deal about yourself in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 Do you think that at 25 he feels like hes settled down to quickly and wants to play the field abit? And maybe thats why more why he said to our mate that he has to go cold and distant on her sometimes, not so much to remind her theyre not together anymore but to remind himself. And thats why hes keeping her hanging so she doesnt move on and he can go back when hes ready? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 he said to our mate Why don't you go ask the guy he directly said this to if you want an answer? He knows you both and he's closer to your answer than any of us here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 Why don't you go ask the guy he directly said this to if you want an answer? He knows you both and he's closer to your answer than any of us here. Because he didnt say it to hin in that context. The way he talks to everyone he leads everyone to believe hes well and truly over her but everyone here seems to think thats probably not the case. Plus hes more his mate than mine as theyve known eachother alot longer and i dont want it getting back to hin that ive asked Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 Do you think that at 25 he feels like hes settled down to quickly and wants to play the field abit? And maybe thats why more why he said to our mate that he has to go cold and distant on her sometimes, not so much to remind her theyre not together anymore but to remind himself. And thats why hes keeping her hanging so she doesnt move on and he can go back when hes ready? Lucy, why do you so desperately need answer to the above questions? Why are you so hell-bent "understanding" this person? What do you feel you stand to gain from over-analyzing this as much as you have? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 I dont know its just how i am. I find it hard to cope with not knowing or understanding things. I feel like if i have unanswered questions that things havent fully been resolved and i my mind just cant settle Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 LucyJane: Life will rarely give you answers. Closure needs to be found within ourselves. You will have to move on with what you know now and nothing more. This will not be the last time you'll need to move on without understanding and let me tell you one of the rare times you'll fully understand it will not make it easier. Let it go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 And this is the hard part of dating. You likely won't ever have answers that make sense to you in a way that you feel totally settled about this guy. You are on a futile, uphill battle if you can't start to learn to accept that we can never truly understand another person's motivations and try to move on anyway. This sort of probing and mental gymnastics is a slippery slope to obsessive thinking, which will keep you stuck long after this dude has left you on the shelf. You would be better-advised to turn your attention to moving forward without having to beat a dead horse theorizing about his behavior to this degree. A lot more self-reflection will be your key to settling your mind in the long run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 I just feel like i need to know how high the chances are of them getting back together so i know just how much he played me and so as i can be prepared if and when they ever come to our work together, which if they get back together will most definitely happen Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 If they ever get back to your work together, then what? You stay away and you don't make trouble at your work place. That's why you don't get involved, or have affairs with co-workers!! Because it's damn awkward afterward when comes x-mas party and summer bbq. You are in big part responsible for the situation you put yourself in. Acknowledge it and swallow your pill. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 I know i am responsible. I know its all my own doing. My own fault but that doesnt stop it being awkward if it ever happens. Im in a managerial position too which makes it harder. Id still rather be prepared if i knew there was a good chance of it happening. So i know no one cares but in everyones opinion do you think that it is highly likely that they will get back together? I dont just mean in the next few days or weeks. I mean in general. I Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 My guess is yes they will get back together or are already back together. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 (edited) So i know no one cares but in everyones opinion do you think that it is highly likely that they will get back together? I dont just mean in the next few days or weeks. I mean in general. Yes, without a doubt. Edited October 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 Youre that sure itll happen? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 I dont know its just how i am. I find it hard to cope with not knowing or understanding things. I feel like if i have unanswered questions that things havent fully been resolved and i my mind just cant settle Are you being treated for OCD? Do you wear the people in your life down with incessant questions because you won't accept their answers? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 Youre that sure itll happen? Access to his children is going to make sure that happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 Among other things yes. Im on citalopram and propanalol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 Access to his children is going to make sure that happens. How do you mean? That she will use the children to get him back. Or that by seeing her and the children he will fall for her again, if he ever did actually fall out of love in the first place Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 How do you mean? I write in very clear English, Lucy. I mean exactly what I write. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 It wasnt very clear in which way you meant it. Atleast not to me Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts