Cold approaches

[ZA Dater]

I must add that I had a few peoples advice in my mind yesterday when I attempted something which thankfully I did do.

 

Cold approaches aren't really my thing because the risk of rejection is simply too high and this is difficult to mitigate.

 

However, my new approach to things is to try start conversation with people because that can be quite nice at times.

 

A have friends who own and others work at an exotic car dealership, there is a coffee shop there is its pretty much my go to place on a Saturday morning, walk around, look at a few cars, talk shop and relax. Over the past few weeks I have been chatting to a lady who is there most Saturdays and granted she isn't really my type I hadn't seen her with any guys so yesterday I thought maybe I should ask her out to coffee. Luckily I didn't because her boyfriend made an appearance and it turns out he is actually one of our group that sit and chill on a Saturday, thing is had never had her and him there at the same time.

 

Rejection avoided because obviously I dropped any idea of asking her out but the lesson her for me is that cold is very difficult to do.

 

I did have a brief chat with a lovely American tourist at a fresh food market today and once again I was struck by how much more friendly tourists are.

 

Has anyone here really had a cold approach really work and lead to a date because it seems like a very difficult thing to get right.

 

My approach now is to just live each day, remove the pressure to find a gf, ignore the chatter and snide remarks and just concentrate on speaking to people, no expectations and in some respects that a nice enough challenge. The next one is to brush off my own lack of belief in myself.

[Envy123]

Every time I had a girl express romantic interest (one even asked me out), this is more or less what I did.

 

Basically, I treated her like I do with other guys. A friendship was formed and then she would fall for me over time.

 

None of them came out of cold approaches. Was rejected every time I did the cold approach back in my private secondary.

Edited October 6, 2019 by Envy123

[ZA Dater]

 

Basically, I treated her like I do with other guys. A friendship was formed and then she would fall for me over time.

 

 

 

 

I tried this before but lost out to another guy who did the more direct approach...

[Envy123]

I tried this before but lost out to another guy who did the more direct approach...

 

It could be the type of women who are attracted to me. They have been the sort where if they are interested in someone, they let them know in a no-BS manner.

[Gretchen12]

I get approached regularly and the men are polite and easy going. They're not tortured or rude. It's what I know all my life. I only learned from reading posts on LS, that there is a whole other population of single men who do not approach women.

 

However, my new approach to things is to try start conversation with people because that can be quite nice at times.

 

Was there an old approach of yours that did not involve starting a conversation?

 

During the conversation, before you ask her out, is when you already have a good idea whether or not she will turn you down. If she's in a relationship then it's not really a rejection of YOU, is it?

 

As for asking out, it's smoothest if you make it an extension of the conversation you're already having. Don't ask for her number. Say if you strike up a good conversation and she seems comfortable, then you ask if she wants to grab a coffee/drink (whatever is nearby. a place right in front of you is most natural) or suggest taking a seat on a bench or suggest taking a walk with you to check out something.

 

I'm telling you what I see. I've encountered some unusual and funny approaches too, about 1/3 of the time. But I certainly never hear any of those lame pick up lines seen in movies from the 1970's.

[Mysterio]

Lets put Rejection into perspective once and for all.

 

ZA. You were not Rejected. The woman had BF. You don't know how solid they are behind the scenes. You did not avoid Rejection. She did not Reject you. The only way you would have been Rejected is if she was single and you asked her out and she said no. That's Rejection and it would have been based more on her not looking at you in a Romantic vibe/She is not that physically attracted to you.

 

I think its unrealistic for everyone to be romantically/physically attracted to a lot of people. Its like music. I am Black. Some people think that I should be more into Hip Hop/Rap. I am not as much. I am more into Led Zeppelin/AC/DC,Aerosmith/Living Colour. A new Rock and Roll band on the rise called Rival Sons.

 

Cold Calls don't work unless a repore is has been established. No woman for the most part is going to go home with a man she just met, even if she is horny. I don't even think the average stripper would do it off hours. The women.

 

Good luck to anyone meeting and clicking from a cold call. Add to that both are single and sort of ready for each other.

 

Even though I want a love relationship with a woman. When I look back at my life in the last 30 yrs from 18 to 48. Things only work out for me romantically when I don't care. Never when I am on the hunt.

[Mysterio]

My buddy MT was rejected 2 months ago. he asked out a woman from his gym and she is a single mom an it was an outing to the beach. She said that she wants someone that is Christian and what would she do with her child for the day. She has talked to MT for about 2 months at least before that. MT looks like Kevin Bacon with short hair.

 

Something is different today with Men and Women. It almost feels like its very hard to romantically connect with each other.

 

I feel like if a woman walks into a room with 10 guys that are in shape and dressed well. Vs a Man that has women well dressed and in shape. Ask both who they are attracted to and would date. The Woman would choose 2 guys. The Man would choose 9 of the 10 women.

 

Add another factor. A man can have physical relations with a woman walk away his life does not really change. If a woman gets with a man and is not carefull and she is under 45 or so. She can get pregnant. Her life changes and very few women will get an abortion or put up for adoption.

[basil67]

Something is different today with Men and Women. It almost feels like its very hard to romantically connect with each other.

 

Interesting that you're talking about romantic connection but describing physical attraction. Unlike what you've just described, I would choose one guy and he would be the one who I had the best rapport with.

 

My buddy MT was rejected 2 months ago. he asked out a woman from his gym and she is a single mom an it was an outing to the beach. She said that she wants someone that is Christian and what would she do with her child for the day. She has talked to MT for about 2 months at least before that. MT looks like Kevin Bacon with short hair.

 

I think you forgot the point of the story Not sure where you were going with this.

[ZA Dater]

I get approached regularly and the men are polite and easy going. They're not tortured or rude. It's what I know all my life. I only learned from reading posts on LS, that there is a whole other population of single men who do not approach women.

 

Was there an old approach of yours that did not involve starting a conversation?

 

During the conversation, before you ask her out, is when you already have a good idea whether or not she will turn you down. If she's in a relationship then it's not really a rejection of YOU, is it?

 

.

 

The problem for me is this

 

1: determining if they are single, if I cant really determine this I am not going to really bother so that pretty lady I just simply deem taken so that removes a lot of people.

2: starting random conversation, very difficult to do for me. Next to impossible actually.

3: If they aren't single there isn't any real incentive for me to step out of my comfort zone, easier to glace at them as they walk past and think 'she is pretty"

 

My entire dating approach works on OLD, there isn't anything else to it really. I have tried to find the confidence to attempt something else but I simply cannot find any.

[chillii]

lf it's any consolation, back in the day l don't think anything ever once came from anyone l just met out and about , like went up and talked too. You would see plenty that you'd love to talk to but the few times l did, nothin. They'd had bf's or whatever, or just said they did.

l think we all imagine just bumping into someone out somewhere and it turns into something big , but l dunno how often that even happens in reality, never for me. .

 

but if it does or you do strike up convos, just ask , you seeing anyone- or married if you prefer, whatever. l've had dozens of women just come straight out with that one over the years. l've never known if it was from an interest point of view or just in convo really but l think it's as simple as that , l've asked myself plenty of times too but if l was gonna ask someone out l'd be finding that out first.

[Gretchen12]

The problem for me is this

 

1: determining if they are single, if I cant really determine this I am not going to really bother so that pretty lady I just simply deem taken so that removes a lot of people.

2: starting random conversation, very difficult to do for me. Next to impossible actually.

3: If they aren't single there isn't any real incentive for me to step out of my comfort zone, easier to glace at them as they walk past and think 'she is pretty"

 

My entire dating approach works on OLD, there isn't anything else to it really. I have tried to find the confidence to attempt something else but I simply cannot find any.

 

#2. it depends on location. Did the tourists you talked to initiate conversation?

[basil67]

lf it's any consolation, back in the day l don't think anything ever once came from anyone l just met out and about ,

 

Likewise. I'd had a few cold approaches, but all were weird guys. It put me off the whole cold approach thing for life.

[Foxhall]

I think I may have met the right girl through this "cold approach"

 

There were plenty of times previously where it did not work, then I also had phases where I was low in confidence and could not muster the courage to try it!

 

 

I think the last two lines on your opening post there are good, getting into the habit of talking to people regularly and you could just click with someone unexpectedly,

 

even for the online dates, the more comfortable you feel talking to people generally getting practice in will help when meeting the date too.

[alphamale]

cold approaches only work when she gives you the eye first and a smile. that is code for "come here tiger..."

[mark clemson]

Agree. And even then I bet they probably don't work too well either (not that I have tons of expertise in this area so I guess I could be wrong).

 

Of course there is always the off chance that one might agree (for whatever reason). From what I understand part of the approach of these PUA types is to burn through dozens of women to get to one yes.

[chillii]

Problem with that concept is women are always giving you the eye or scanning a room , often with the bf or h right beside them , he's often watching her watching you.

l found that means nothing they're bigger perves than guys.

Maybe if she was on her own and consistently giving you the eye there might be something in it, but even then l found or quite often heard later they had a man somewhere anyway.

[basil67]

cold approaches only work when she gives you the eye first and a smile. that is code for "come here tiger..."

 

I guess it depends on what type of 'eye' she gives. I'm the kind who frequently chats to strangers while in lines etc. My smile and eye contact mean that I'm friendly.

[elaine567]

Seems you are going off at a tangent here.

When you have a "captive" woman ie one who wants to go out on a date with you, you cannot keep her interest, so not sure what this "hunting for women out in the wild" will achieve?

You will still have to get down to basics and charm her on the actual date.

 

From what I understand part of the approach of these PUA types is to burn through dozens of women to get to one yes.

It is the old "Do you want to f^ck?" approach, yes they get loads of turn downs and may offend lots of women but all they need is one yes...

[ZA Dater]

Seems you are going off at a tangent here.

When you have a "captive" woman ie one who wants to go out on a date with you, you cannot keep her interest, so not sure what this "hunting for women out in the wild" will achieve?

You will still have to get down to basics and charm her on the actual date.

 

Well it was simply a way of attempting to step away from OLD and its many pitfalls.

 

I cant get them interested and those who do don't keep me interested/are not attracted so its a loss and loss situation. I might as well change approach and just do whatever I like really wen it comes to this, none of it will work but at least in my mind I am doing something.

 

I have over 50 matches on Tinder, not one interests me at all. My thinking was to try get away from OLD and apparently do it the "normal' way suddenly people are meeting the love of their life in a shop or a book store. Oh wait that doesn't happen does it.

 

Honestly I cant be bothered, I want one great all encompassing dating experience and I will then move on completely, I am not interested in paying for it because nobody else has to, I simply what just one attractive to me lady to give me the time of day, go to dinner with me and sleep with me. That's all I want out of dating, nothing else.

[basil67]

do it the "normal' way suddenly people are meeting the love of their life in a shop or a book store. Oh wait that doesn't happen does it.

 

No, it really doesn't happen enough to list it as a good option.

 

The 'normal' way to meet someone offline is in a situation where meeting new people is to be expected. Events, parties, learning environments, through friends or social things such as pub trivia. Hmmm....you could be a great addition to a trivia team. Do you know anyone who's got space on theirs?

[ZA Dater]

No, it really doesn't happen enough to list it as a good option.

 

The 'normal' way to meet someone offline is in a situation where meeting new people is to be expected. Events, parties, learning environments, through friends or social things such as pub trivia. Hmmm....you could be a great addition to a trivia team. Do you know anyone who's got space on theirs?

 

 

 

I don't know anyone who does trivia. Most of my life centres around work and my interests and neither gets me meeting people really. Oh well, again I just though I'd look beyond OLD but based on the above I am reminded why I did OLD to begin with.

[chillii]

Yeah if stepping away from old then you bet, any kind of events, parties , friends , gatherings of any description hell yeah, things like that are a great way to meet someone , the best actually imo.

[ZA Dater]

Yeah if stepping away from old then you bet, any kind of events, parties , friends , gatherings of any description hell yeah, things like that are a great way to meet someone , the best actually imo.

 

Maybe so but I don't really regret not going out, am quite ok with sitting at home, working, doing the things I like doing sure it would be nice to have some company but stressing about it doesn't bring anything positive.

 

I think I have just accepted my inherent limitations. In other words I have just simply given up.

[preraph]

I would say cold approaches are only for those with so much experience under their belts that they are both confident and unfazed by rejection.

[ZA Dater]

I would say cold approaches are only for those with so much experience under their belts that they are both confident and unfazed by rejection.

 

 

 

Ultimately aren't many friendships formed from a cold approach? I am only looking for a friend, I can get enough out of that to be fairly content. If its someone with mutual interests all the better.

 

 

Its the only real compromise I am happy to entertain, a really good dynamic friend versus a very average girlfriend, its an easy choice.