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Feeling disrespected-need my dignity back

enchanted771

By enchanted771,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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enchanted771

enchanted771

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I feel nauseous..I was messing with my ex even though I knew it was a bad idea. In my head. I knew it wouldn’t end well...he was not being respectful. Well, he did the ultimate disrespect to me, and what’s strange to me is how clueless he is as to how it would actually make me feel hearing this. I literally felt nauseous hearing this..told me that one night he was coming home, was drunk and thought about going out to a bar to basically pick up a stranger to take home to his house to have sex with..then he decided against it. I cut him off before he could go further into detail, told him that I am not interested in hearing about other women so to refrain from giving me any details about that..what is disturbing was how he thought he was just being honest and has no idea about my feelings to hear this...it’s not even being honest it’s being mindful which he isn’t or doesn’t care..this of course is after I went out my **** self and had a GNO. The kicker is him talking about how high his standards on, its why he is single and how he doesn’t need to have sex and get an STD. What I think is he is single because he can’t keep a real woman but only a one nighter with a stranger at a pickup bar. He has a very low self esteem, and is unhappy with himself. he has so many cycles in his mood, I never know who I will get. An emotionally healthy person, can comprehend other people’s feelings..he puts on a great show at work..so great in fact, he told me people say how is it he is still single. His answer? I’m picky, and I refuse to settle..so going to a bar to take a stranger home isn’t settling? Even if he was just a friend, I have standards of whom I will even associate with..he had me fooled..puts on the classy guy, don’t need anyone I am fine being alone act. I am officially turned off and disgusted..I want nothing to do with him at all..

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schlumpy

schlumpy

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This is messy closure.

 

There are still residual feelings between the two of you but whatever argument or "I can't take it any more" event drove you apart is still raw. He's testing you to see how much you still care. Maybe for his ego or perhaps he still has the torch lit. It's hard to say from your description although you seem to know a lot about what he's up to recently.

 

Take a break. Don't see or talk to him for awhile and then reassess your feelings. It's possible you may want to try again or you may want to just continue NC.

 

There is no reason to upset yourself like this. Take a walk and enjoy the sunshine and the fall color.

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enchanted771

enchanted771

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This is messy closure.

 

There are still residual feelings between the two of you but whatever argument or "I can't take it any more" event drove you apart is still raw. He's testing you to see how much you still care. Maybe for his ego or perhaps he still has the torch lit. It's hard to say from your description although you seem to know a lot about what he's up to recently.

 

Take a break. Don't see or talk to him for awhile and then reassess your feelings. It's possible you may want to try again or you may want to just continue NC.

 

There is no reason to upset yourself like this. Take a walk and enjoy the sunshine and the fall color.

Agree. He is an intelligent person, so I found it hard to believe that he wouldn’t know that it would bother me..it just seems very manipulative on his part. But I am going to take some time to myself and see how I feel.
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preraph

preraph

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His low self-esteem is why he makes up things like he's too picky and won't settle (can't keep a woman). I don't know if that's really what he tells himself or if it's just what he tells other people. I suspect he tries to believe it himself.

 

Glad you stopped him from spewing. I bet he repeats his mantra (I won't settle) over and over, doesn't he, like he's bragging?

 

I mean, you're right, he's sick. I hope you have learned now. Stop hoping he'll change. He is being grandiose as a defense of his real problems, self-esteem. It's a defensive maneuver, and it's also trying to build himself up. You can't fix him. Your love can't fix him and he doesn't respect you.

 

You need to flick this flea off your shoulder and block him from everything and stop looking at any social media of his and block him from yours too. Just be done with him. It's never going to work.

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enchanted771

enchanted771

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His low self-esteem is why he makes up things like he's too picky and won't settle (can't keep a woman). I don't know if that's really what he tells himself or if it's just what he tells other people. I suspect he tries to believe it himself.

 

Glad you stopped him from spewing. I bet he repeats his mantra (I won't settle) over and over, doesn't he, like he's bragging?

 

I mean, you're right, he's sick. I hope you have learned now. Stop hoping he'll change. He is being grandiose as a defense of his real problems, self-esteem. It's a defensive maneuver, and it's also trying to build himself up. You can't fix him. Your love can't fix him and he doesn't respect you.

 

You need to flick this flea off your shoulder and block him from everything and stop looking at any social media of his and block him from yours too. Just be done with him. It's never going to work.

I have researched (for my own info) why a person with low self esteem does this..because he had me thinking I am not worthy...for a minute..then I got over that. It’s not me, it’s him.
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enchanted771

enchanted771

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His low self-esteem is why he makes up things like he's too picky and won't settle (can't keep a woman). I don't know if that's really what he tells himself or if it's just what he tells other people. I suspect he tries to believe it himself.

 

Glad you stopped him from spewing. I bet he repeats his mantra (I won't settle) over and over, doesn't he, like he's bragging?

 

I mean, you're right, he's sick. I hope you have learned now. Stop hoping he'll change. He is being grandiose as a defense of his real problems, self-esteem. It's a defensive maneuver, and it's also trying to build himself up. You can't fix him. Your love can't fix him and he doesn't respect you.

 

You need to flick this flea off your shoulder and block him from everything and stop looking at any social media of his and block him from yours too. Just be done with him. It's never going to work.

he does repeat it and I am rolling my eyes..my friend whom is a licensed social worker even agreed-he’s delusional and is lying to himself and believes it
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enchanted771

enchanted771

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Yeah, you are just wasting time on this guy. Please stop wasting any more of your precious good years on a lost cause.
I’m not going to bother w/him
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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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You will regain your self respect when you keep him out of your life. So stick to your guns & you will be fine.

 

Best wishes

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preraph

preraph

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..because he had me thinking I am not worthy...for a minute..then I got over that. It’s not me, it’s him.

 

Yes, that's gaslighting. jTrying to make you feel it's your fault. Not taking responsibility for his own self.

 

You might remind him that when the whole rest of the world seems wrong and he thinks he's right -- it's him that's wrong.

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enchanted771

enchanted771

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This is messy closure.

 

There are still residual feelings between the two of you but whatever argument or "I can't take it any more" event drove you apart is still raw. He's testing you to see how much you still care. Maybe for his ego or perhaps he still has the torch lit. It's hard to say from your description although you seem to know a lot about what he's up to recently.

 

Take a break. Don't see or talk to him for awhile and then reassess your feelings. It's possible you may want to try again or you may want to just continue NC.

 

There is no reason to upset yourself like this. Take a walk and enjoy the sunshine and the fall color.

Funny, now that I stopped obsessing over him, I’m really not sure what I ever saw in him. (Gag) he texted me wanting to hang out in a couple days but I turned him down. Then later, he’s texting bragging about his increase in figures (money) which, I don’t know why but I don’t really believe him..I think he’s exaggerating..I definitely don’t want to be around him at all because he probably thinks he will be able to get any girl. Girl, maybe woman, no..but I’m not going to stick around to see it..gross
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schlumpy

schlumpy

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Funny, now that I stopped obsessing over him, I’m really not sure what I ever saw in him. (Gag) he texted me wanting to hang out in a couple days but I turned him down. Then later, he’s texting bragging about his increase in figures (money) which, I don’t know why but I don’t really believe him..I think he’s exaggerating..I definitely don’t want to be around him at all because he probably thinks he will be able to get any girl. Girl, maybe woman, no..but I’m not going to stick around to see it..gross

 

It's ok to still have feelings for him. They don't go away overnight. The key to your healing progress is to be self aware of how much this situation is keeping you from finding that guy you won't have to turn down. Your heart is not your best friend right now.

 

Get help from friends to keep yourself occupied. Get rid of his memorabilia. Change the environment in your home by moving furniture and invite some cute guys to help you do it. Get him off your social media and phone.

 

It takes time and commonsense. Things will get better.

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Redhead14

Redhead14

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Agree. He is an intelligent person, so I found it hard to believe that he wouldn’t know that it would bother me..it just seems very manipulative on his part. But I am going to take some time to myself and see how I feel.

 

 

Intelligence and EQ (emotional intelligence) are two different things. If he's very intelligent, it is likely he just operates on a very cerebral level which doesn't allow him to have empathy/sympathy for others and how what he does or says could/would affect them. You mentioned "cycling through" and not knowing "who" you will get. Has he been to counseling. You might be looking at someone who is undiagnosed bi-polar which would also explain the lack of ability to have empathy/sympathy and/or just saying whatever comes to mind without taking time to evaluate how it would affect another person, etc.

Edited by Redhead14
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enchanted771

enchanted771

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Intelligence and EQ (emotional intelligence) are two different things. If he's very intelligent, it is likely he just operates on a very cerebral level which doesn't allow him to have empathy/sympathy for others and how what he does or says could/would affect them. You mentioned "cycling through" and not knowing "who" you will get. Has he been to counseling. You might be looking at someone who is undiagnosed bi-polar which would also explain the lack of ability to have empathy/sympathy and/or just saying whatever comes to mind without taking time to evaluate how it would affect another person, etc.
Thank you SO MUCH for this! I have been going hack &forth second guessing myself about him, but I know I’m right..he isn’t a nice guy.
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kendahke

kendahke

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He has a very low self esteem, and is unhappy with himself. he has so many cycles in his mood, I never know who I will get. I have standards of whom I will even associate with.

And yet, there you are giving him an audience again... I'll bet his number isn't on block yet.

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kendahke

kendahke

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This poster never explains why she doesn't block this guy if she's done.

 

Addicted to the drama, probably.

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