What women online really think?

[an0nym0us123]

For over a year I had a PoF account, had it set for "wants a relationship" and for "dating" had a short bio of my interests and a few decent pictures.

 

I deleted it a few weeks ago as i was having no luck. And although tinder is better not finding anyone to date there at the moment either.

 

So a week ago i thought id open a new pof account strictly looking for a fwb seeing as i cant find a relationship. My standards would be much lower for this, would date single mums and women 10 years older

 

I decided not to beat around the bush and since i am in extremely good shape put a topless picture where im completely ripped as my profile pic and one of my face. Set my profile to "wants to date but nothing serious" and for "hang out"

 

In my bio i wrote "looking for a netflix watching buddy for winter, bigger than average ;)"

 

Dont think it could be more obvious than im just looking for sex.

 

A week later i have had a dozen inbound messages some from women looking for relationships, the messages i sent out had about a 50% response rate.

 

This a dramatic improvement on my last profile which was more serious and had no topless pic. Like seriously?

[chillii]

You might've got more without the shirt of because ya read everywhere women hate those pics and 99% said they're looking for something serious or marriage whatever, on mine anyway.

But as we know what they say and what they do are very often different things so,,, who knows.

 

Anyway , way back when l was on a date site for a little while and l tried that too, no not the no shirt, just said nothing serious , fun and partying or something like that can't remember exactly.

Guess what, l got heaps of responses too, some only 1/2 my age.

Why was it so , don't know , no clue.

[elaine567]

Not sure you can say "women" in general.

With your new profile you tapped into a specific group of women, women who are looking for sex with a guy with a hot bod and and a big penis...

[preraph]

So just ignore the ones from women who want a relationship. This happens to both men and women. If they even read your bio, they ignored it, so ignore them. Block them if you can so you don't accidentally date one if that's not what you want.

[Gretchen12]

You should not be surprised, there are women members too on sites strictly for sexual encounters. Watch out for STDs.

[d0nnivain]

But what is it that you want?

 

If you are serious about only being DTF great. What do you need us for? You have women throwing themselves at you.

 

If you want a relationship, do you honestly think you are going to find one among the women responding to you?

 

A few weeks ago I posted about this foul-mouth crass drunk guy in a bar who said the most vulgar things about my friend, hoping to get me to give him her phone #. He was disgusting but you know what, he was ripped. His arms were bigger then thighs & his thighs were about the size of my waist. My friend told me to give him her phone # which I did & they "got busy" that night. Yuck. When she bragged about her conquest later she carried on about how amazing his body was. I sarcastically asked which was bigger: his IQ or his biceps measurement. She assured me it was his arm.

 

So it really depends on what you want. If you want a relationship, I suggest you look off line, in real life. If you are good with NSA sex, just be responsible & protect yourself from STDs.

[mark clemson]

You might take a look at some of the comments made in this thread:

 

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/691067-how-does-guy-appropriately-pursue-casual-sex

[an0nym0us123]

But what is it that you want?

 

If you are serious about only being DTF great. What do you need us for? You have women throwing themselves at you.

 

If you want a relationship, do you honestly think you are going to find one among the women responding to you?

 

A few weeks ago I posted about this foul-mouth crass drunk guy in a bar who said the most vulgar things about my friend, hoping to get me to give him her phone #. He was disgusting but you know what, he was ripped. His arms were bigger then thighs & his thighs were about the size of my waist. My friend told me to give him her phone # which I did & they "got busy" that night. Yuck. When she bragged about her conquest later she carried on about how amazing his body was. I sarcastically asked which was bigger: his IQ or his biceps measurement. She assured me it was his arm.

 

So it really depends on what you want. If you want a relationship, I suggest you look off line, in real life. If you are good with NSA sex, just be responsible & protect yourself from STDs.

 

I want a relationship but its proving impossible to get anything going and ive basically started to accept it will never happen.

 

I wouldnt say women are throwing themselves at me most of the conversations simply fizzle out as per usual. Looks like i might meet one.

 

I had a badoo account a couple of months ago and i had a serious profile. Hardly spoke to anyone, last night i opened another with the same topless picture and bio as PoF and ive around 5 times the attention i had the first time. A couple of women messaged wondering if i was looking for a relationship but were far to far away.

 

I dont like casual hook ups due to stds i had a fwb in the spring and we both got tested prior to having sex and the rule was if we slept with anyone else we told the other. She was actually a pretty nice girl and pretty sensible. Probably what im looking for again.

[chillii]

l wasn't saying they're all after fun and casual all l was saying is there was some that's all and some said that too on their page. So it stands to reason they might message someone they liked in that way too saying the same.

But l'd assume 95% were looking for a serious long term or hopefully life thing and on mine back when that's what they were mostly saying and any l met backed that up.

[d0nnivain]

I want a relationship but its proving impossible to get anything going and ive basically started to accept it will never happen.

 

It will happen once you stop using OLD as your primary source to meet people. What else are you doing? You have to make a commitment to yourself to spend at least one night per week doing something in real life designed to enable you to meet new people. It is much easier to find a quality partner in person then on line.

[clia]

I think a lot of people just look at the pictures and don't spend too much time reading the bio information, so it's possible that you just look a lot better in the topless picture than in the one you had chosen for your other profile picture and that's what's attracting them. Try putting that picture in your other profile and see what happens.

[mr_ybor]

My standards would be much lower for this, would date single mums and women 10 years older

^

Dude, you answered your own question.

 

 

 

 

I once had a work buddy tell me that, I quote: "Tinder is where fat chicks and single moms go to get ****ed by jacked dudes." His words, not mine. I have nothing personally against either-or, but it's not an impressive accomplishment from either side of the equation. Whatever floats your goat.

 

If you're looking for a relationship, say you're looking for a relationship. Maybe portray yourself that way a bit too, as it might help. That's all you can do. You decide on where you want to be in that ecosystem.

[an0nym0us123]

It will happen once you stop using OLD as your primary source to meet people. What else are you doing? You have to make a commitment to yourself to spend at least one night per week doing something in real life designed to enable you to meet new people. It is much easier to find a quality partner in person then on line.

 

Have been on a few nights out recently but no joy. Spoke to a couple of women but they were both taken.

 

Think my problem is basically that i need to find the woman im dating physically attractive or i just dont fancy them, but these women by and large dont fancy me. Im not chisel jawed or whatever they are after. In over a year of dating i only met one woman i caught any feelings for.

 

I had a fwb for 3 months. She was nice but not really my type. She met someone else who she wanted to date seriously and that was fine by me, i had no feelings for her at all.

 

Think my life going forward will be a series of short flings with people i dont really fancy that much.

[ZA Dater]

Have been on a few nights out recently but no joy. Spoke to a couple of women but they were both taken.

 

Think my life going forward will be a series of short flings with people i dont really fancy that much.

 

This is really the inherent problem, the "best" people are always taken so when I see someone I do find attractive the first thought is "she is taken".

 

At the end of the day I think its just like finance, if your balance sheet is strong you can have a fantastic choice but if your liabilities exceed your assets, your choice is going to be very limited.

 

More interesting for me is to look at those who are taken, see who their boyfriends are and then try and figure out what those guys have that I do not.

 

I have done this for years which is why I arrived at the conclusions that most of this forum find to them to be untrue/uncomfortable.

 

The problem really is two fold, women want the fit gym guy, no problem, men want the fit gym lady, no problem, however not everyone can look like that, no issue either but my experience is women tend to use looks as their only selling point, whereas guys are expected to the these all singing all dancing jack of all trades. This directly influences OLD but more than that looks are the only selling point on OLD.

 

I have had some great experiences but these don't really matter that much in terms of what women seem to want. I'd actually wager men are less demanding in terms of what they want, someone will point out biology but honestly in 2019 considering the massive world population should we not look past that and deem it largely irrelevant?

Edited October 17, 2019 by ZA Dater

[elaine567]

... my experience is women tend to use looks as their only selling point, whereas guys are expected to the these all singing all dancing jack of all trades.

 

Yes some women "use" their looks, but women quickly learn good looking girls get guys, bad looking girls do not get guys. That is how it works.

Guys in general are pretty straightforward, they want "hot" women or the hottest they can get.

Bad looking, unshapely, "different", weird women need not apply.

 

Women are often looking for potential fathers and husbands so he does need to be a jack of all trades, a good all rounder.

Good looking (to them), sexy, fit, strong, friendly, entertaining, smart... an interesting companion for life.

Bad looking, unshapely, "different", weird men need not apply.

 

Dating especially when young is about sex and attraction, so of course it is all about looks.

Young, fit, strong bodies, beautiful skin and flawless faces. are signs of health and good genes so will always be sought after.

If a man or woman lacks the traits the opposite sex is in general looking for, then they will struggle.

Add in an often baseless entitlement to get "the best" then it can be impossible.

[Cersei]

A guy I know is in great shape and great looking but goes through girlfriends monthly.

 

Finally I came right out and said "dude Are You trying to be a man whore or are you trying to get a girlfriend?"

 

He said no he is 30 and wants to settle down with 1 woman for life. It never works out.

 

I told him that if I saw you out and about or online I would instantly think "oh man that guy is hot. Way out of my league. He can have any woman, why settle for someone like me? He probably has an STD from all the women he gets. He has no time for a woman. He is at the gym all the time"

 

Is there a way to perhaps tone down your look? I mean you work hard and look great but girls may see you as something you are not.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[ZA Dater]

Yes some women "use" their looks, but women quickly learn good looking girls get guys, bad looking girls do not get guys. That is how it works.

Guys in general are pretty straightforward, they want "hot" women or the hottest they can get.

Bad looking, unshapely, "different", weird women need not apply.

 

Dating especially when young is about sex and attraction, so of course it is all about looks.

Young, fit, strong bodies, beautiful skin and flawless faces. are signs of health and good genes so will always be sought after.

If a man or woman lacks the traits the opposite sex is in general looking for, then they will struggle.

Add in an often baseless entitlement to get "the best" then it can be impossible.

 

 

 

 

 

I don't dispute anything you say BUT I feel women need to offer more than just looks, far too many rely on this exclusively without offering anything else. Often they lack motivation in life and I get the sense many are simply waiting to be "taken off the shelf".

 

Your post did make me smile though because it sounds like one walking into a shop to pick the best looking watermelon.

 

I'd argue that bad looking girls get more guy interest than bad looking guys get girl interest.

[elaine567]

I'd argue that bad looking girls get more guy interest than bad looking guys get girl interest.

But it is not the interest they want, it is for sex usually.

Would you be pleased if the only attention you got was mostly from undesirable and sleazy women pressing you for sex? Or used you in a one and done?

I guess not.

Life is "Oh so difficult" for the single undesirable guy, they forget their female equivalent is also having an equally hard time.

But she doesn't matter as she is NOT what he wants and so is invisible to him and irrelevant...

[Ellener]

Online people are just going on photos if it's about looks, and I'm guessing by the number of profiles saying basically 'be something like your picture' that many photos are inaccurate to real life, but context is everything too- if they're with your kids, half-dressed, car-selfies, aggressive facial expressions, all in the gym, part of a modelling portfolio. All tells a story, whether or not it's the right one of what you want to present, or in terms of accuracy.

 

I did the free 'consultation' a few days after I joined match.com and was told changing the profile picture and aspects of the profile regularly gets new daily picks, which seems to be true. Doing different things attracts different people too- the moment I dye my hair the men approaching are ten years younger for example. I'm still exactly the same person just perceived differently in that first instance I guess.

[ZA Dater]

But it is not the interest they want, it is for sex usually.

Would you be pleased if the only attention you got was mostly from undesirable and sleazy women pressing you for sex? Or used you in a one and done?

I guess not.

Life is "Oh so difficult" for the single undesirable guy, they forget their female equivalent is also having an equally hard time.

But she doesn't matter as she is NOT what he wants and so is invisible to him and irrelevant...

 

Here I disagree. Call me short sighted but at the end of the day those women do get attention, often they do get the date "up". Actually I do get sleazy and undesirable offering me all sorts so I know what its like.

 

I am very conscious of equivalents but I don't believe I actually have one, part of what I tried to do at dating was go out with as many different people as possible to try determine what they really think and what they really like. It proved to be completely and totally inconclusive, there were never many commonalities between what they thought or appeared to want. What did become apparent is almost all of them had endless dating choice because if they didn't they would have actually put some effort into the date like I did.

 

This is my curse in life, sure I wouldn't mind having sex but it would need to be with someone I found attractive "overall" so I get what women look for because in some respects I look for the same. Yes, nobody owes nobody a chance but I did find it refreshing to go out with vastly different people because I could at least decide what I absolutely did not want.

 

I'll go as far to say the ladies I met up with put very little effort into the date, probably because they knew they had endless options, whereas I had to stake everything on each date because, well if I had 6 dates a year it was a lot.

 

Online is a shop pure and simple the rules of shopping will always apply, except the are more beneficial to ladies than they are to men.

[an0nym0us123]

So things have died down on pof. Had numerous inbond messages, most convos fizzled out quickly but ended up with a fwb type deal with a woman my own age. She is okay i guess but not really the type i go for but that doesnt really matter.

 

I guess i still dont understand why i have so much trouble finding a girlfriend, someone i can really feel attracted to. Ive done it before i thought i could do it again