mixedblood Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 so my ex gf of 8 years dumped me almost a year ago, i tried to get closure in the beginning but didnt get any. she was cold and heartless. there was obviously someone else, i believe she cheated on me. but her lashing out , anger, what ever you want to call it, creating chaos is just getting out of control, i have been calm and civil. SHE KEEPS contacting me , n tells me to stop messaging her when i reply, she brings up US then freaks out saying it was me. its just this circle of chaos and i dont understand why she is so angry , this is the last thing she said to me Shut up about us already. You’re a fricken ******* through our relationship it was toxic, man you’re pretty stupid and it keeps shinny through every time you message me. Go away already we’re done it’s done and over with it’s been a year get the **** over it. Stop being in denial. You’re WERENT the best bf so stop lying to your self and yes neither was I a good gf. I didn’t wanna be with you anymore. Why would anyone stay in such a ****ty relationship. You’re always taking it from us so stfu you’re just trying to cover your ass. My parents been through it all with us they seen everything every time they had to come save my kids and I bc you refused to take us to work and school. Again **** OFF! You’re a dumb ass loser who for some reason hangs out with my family that’s ****en weird like go hang woth your own family and friends **** i moved on and I’d appreciate if u ****ed off already. Seriously who hangs out my their ex gfs family still? That’s what a loser would do. It’s funny that you think they actually like you. They’re only hanging with you bc they don’t like me so anything they hear about fuels the fire for them and of course you’re so stupid you still hang with them. GO AWAY!!! **** off I don’t care about us I don’t care that I left you I’m glad I left you. Leave me alone and go find someone else already i literly have not done a dam thing to her, she broke up with me after partying every night for like a week. i tried going to counselling and saving us near the beginning of our breakup. now i have left her alone like she asks, but she keeps reaching out to me just to get angry then to flip the table around on me. we do have a child. man the more i ask why she is acting the way she is acting, the more it sets her off, the more she points fingers, the more chaotic things get. its like she just wants me to bow down or something , its gotten crazy Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 Drugs, alcohol and unremitting guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mixedblood Posted October 7, 2019 Author Share Posted October 7, 2019 @shlumpy , does anger and rage and creating chaos , extinguish guilt? or is it just a temporary fix? i just sent her a message appologizing for what ever i did and all that and she stopped messaging me. but like really shes almost 30 , is this normal behaviour Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 No, it's not normal behaviour. You already know that. Why does she do it? As mentioned above, she could be under the influence of substances. She might be mentally unstable. Built-up rage. Who knows? We don't know her so nobody here would really be able to guess what's up with her. The better question is, what's up with you? why do you keep engaging with her like this? Keep any and all contact strictly about your child. Period. Do you have a formal custody agreement in place? Link to post Share on other sites
playlislay Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 It sounds to me like you've really hurt her, because people don't act like this for no reason. And what have you been saying to her for her to say those words? I'm not sure why she would keep contacting you, though... Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 Going by what you said, tell her to only contact you when she's able to communicate in an adult, mature fashion. Give her a chance to correct her behavior (I wouldn't personally) and block her if she doesn't. Save all communication in case of any false allegations on her part. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mixedblood Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 It sounds to me like you've really hurt her, because people don't act like this for no reason. And what have you been saying to her for her to say those words? I'm not sure why she would keep contacting you, though... well our relationship was good at one point, my ex left me once before for another man, and i took her back. ever since then she was different, it took years for things to get back to normal. she always had unrealistic expectations of me, she would never listen to me, it was like i would give her advice and she would do the opposite and screw up big with something , then blame me for it, this kept happening, she was mad that i couldnt afford for her to stay home with the kids, and mad that i never bought her a house, truth is that i couldnt afford, because i was paying for everything, she never helped me out. i asked her why she left me, she told me that she never had strong feelings for me ever, and that she lied to herself and forced herself to like me. i find it hard to believe considering how much we went through and how much we loved eachother, but maybe she lied the whole time. it sucks because i literly put full effort in. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Why haven't you blocked her? She sounds toxic and immature. edit: wait, you have kids with her or SHE has kids? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 well our relationship was good at one point, my ex left me once before for another man, and i took her back. ever since then she was different, it took years for things to get back to normal. she always had unrealistic expectations of me, No contact is your best option and that is totally up to you. You should have let her go the first time. Why are you keeping yourself in this? At this point you are your biggest problem. She clearly isn't relationship material. Stop wasting your life on this. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 i just sent her a message appologizing for what ever i did and all that STOP messaging her., stop hanging about with her family and stop trying to insert yourself into her life. Go NC and block her. Only contact her about kids stuff There is obviously a lot of anger and resentment here, she contacts you to get a reaction and then launches into full anger mode. I guess she blames you for "forcing" the break up. "If only you had been a better partner... we would have been happy..." Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 She hates what she has become and sees no road to redemption. She has no respect for you. After all, what sensible person would take her back after what she did to you. She deserved punishment and you didn't supply it. You forgave the unforgivable. You have to quit talking to her except when it's about your child. When you exchange the child for visits do a drop off at a neutral location so you won't see her. Block her out of any communication device you have and get rid of the memorabilia. Move on to a less stressful relationship and learn that forgiveness is the proper response only under certain conditions. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Here's your closure: For whatever reason, real or imagined, that woman is incredibly angry & wants to blame you for most of what went wrong. Your best course is to just leave her alone. She's too angry to see reason about anything. Delete all contact info you have for her so you aren't tempted to communicate with her. Once she is out of your life, you will start to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mixedblood Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 yeah alot of good points here, elaine , we have a child together , her family invites me to outtings and other things, since my ex wont go because she burnt alot of bridges with her family , now they hate eachother, and she wont bring our daughter around , they contact me to do so. thats my kids family so thats why i bring her around so she can see them. shlumpy thats a very good point, as my ex has some strong narcissistic traits, im wondering if she almost craves to be punished, apparently her whole life she never got into trouble because she was the baby , her mom babied her, donnivan yes she told me that everything is my fault and keeps saying that i did it to myself, i tried to get us help but she rejected it, i think shes just trying to justify her actions. i know for a fact after she obviously cheated and couldnt admit it, this was after she kicked me out, she wanted me to come to sleep over, but she would just lie there almost like she couldnt stop thinking about this new person. i even appologized to her after that message she sent, i said okay im just going to squish this, im sorry for this and that, leave it at that. so i dono hopefully karma exists because she has treated me far too bad for way to long Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 I have the answer for you, but you are going to have to go before a judge to get the judge to make it mandatory. There are email websites specifically for divorced people sharing children. One such is called "Talking Parents." The judge needs to rule that both of you must ONLY use one of those type websites for communicating. You will only communicate via email (there may be a text one but I doubt it), and all emails are maintained and can't be deleted so they are always available to show the judge at any time. There are rules on the website for communicating civilly. She will not be allowed to text you or you her unless there was a mutually agreed upon type child emergency such as your child had to go to the hospital. You need to save her texts (and remember your texts to her are obtainable by her attorney as well even if you deleted them) and show the content to the judge (preferably through your attorney) to show the need for the limited communication and making a permanent record of it. Meanwhile, you better be totally current on your child support payments. And if you want joint custody of your kids, this is the time to do it while you have her nasty communications. There's no way to just control her yourself. You need to do this legally. Neither of you should be contacting the other about anything except the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 I don't know the full story, but since this is how she chooses to act, you haven't lost anything. Anyone that angry that can't take any responsibility for anything they did wrong is better left alone. Period. Easier said than done, but NC is the best way to go. You'll be the better for it. Trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
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