Pushing Husband Away

[Gemma]

I keep having a fight with my husband because he thinks I no longer like him or find him attractive. Unfortunately it is true, but I do not tell him this because it would crush this wonderful man. I know I love him very much. I like his personalitity traits, I just find that lately he bugs me by doing the same reptetitive things to show his affection for me (ie: if I am at the sink I get pinched, if I am working at the computer he attacks my neck...)I find it very intrusive. I ask him to stop or do something different and it hurts his feelings but he doesn't change (maybe i am a control freak). I also can't stand him touching me anywhere sexually. If he cuddles me, I am very happy. He has also gained alot of weight. I still love him very much, but I find it hard to be attracted to him since this was never a strong point for me in our relationship (and he reminds me of my Dad now, eww).I have mentioned that we need to exercise more because I find it harder to be attracted to him and why, but he never wants to exercise or change his dietary habits. Other than these problems we have a great relationship that is very emotionally rewarding. I do not want to hurt him anymore and I don't understand why I am finding it hard not to push him away. Please help.

[Ashesmum]

First of all, how much weight has he gained? It would have to be at least 30lbs or more I would think to change that much of his appearance. As for him doing repetitive things, that's you using a lame excuse (no offense). It didn't bother you before, right? As for not being attracted to him, you kind of knew that in the beginning. So you should have thought about that then. And have you gained weight also? Are you a slim person? Just want to make sure you're not callin the kettle black. Tell him that you see him gaining too much weight, that you want to start eating right and exercising. If he doesn't want to then you have to figure out if you really want to keep lying to his face all the time. It's really not worth staying in the relationship if you're not happy. Just talk to him about your feelings. It's only fair to him to see how you really feel.

I keep having a fight with my husband because he thinks I no longer like him or find him attractive. Unfortunately it is true, but I do not tell him this because it would crush this wonderful man. I know I love him very much. I like his personalitity traits, I just find that lately he bugs me by doing the same reptetitive things to show his affection for me (ie: if I am at the sink I get pinched, if I am working at the computer he attacks my neck...)I find it very intrusive. I ask him to stop or do something different and it hurts his feelings but he doesn't change (maybe i am a control freak). I also can't stand him touching me anywhere sexually. If he cuddles me, I am very happy. He has also gained alot of weight. I still love him very much, but I find it hard to be attracted to him since this was never a strong point for me in our relationship (and he reminds me of my Dad now, eww).I have mentioned that we need to exercise more because I find it harder to be attracted to him and why, but he never wants to exercise or change his dietary habits. Other than these problems we have a great relationship that is very emotionally rewarding. I do not want to hurt him anymore and I don't understand why I am finding it hard not to push him away. Please help.

[Gemma]

My husband has gained almost 50 lbs. I have gained a little weight, but he does not want me to lose weight 'cause he is afraid of me being too attractive to other guys (his words). And I know my excuses are lame, I am very angry at myself, but I can't seem to stop myself getting irked by him. I have told him we have to exercise and eat right, and he went with me and joined a gym. But he won't go with me or chose less fattening foods, like a wrap instead of the burger. I don't push him though, I do want him to feel loved (which he is) and I know I would be very angry if someone was telling me what to do all the time and not feeling unconditionally loved. I feel very shallow. I knew I wasn't exceedingly attracted to him before we got married and I probably should have had some hestiation, but he was the 1st guy I connected to on all the other levels and I have never slept with anyone else but my husband so I thought it was okay not to be. I don't want to keep lying to his face, it's wrong, but I don't want to cut him that deep, which I know will happen anyway if he finds out I'm lying. I want to change

First of all, how much weight has he gained? It would have to be at least 30lbs or more I would think to change that much of his appearance. As for him doing repetitive things, that's you using a lame excuse (no offense). It didn't bother you before, right? As for not being attracted to him, you kind of knew that in the beginning. So you should have thought about that then. And have you gained weight also? Are you a slim person? Just want to make sure you're not callin the kettle black. Tell him that you see him gaining too much weight, that you want to start eating right and exercising. If he doesn't want to then you have to figure out if you really want to keep lying to his face all the time. It's really not worth staying in the relationship if you're not happy. Just talk to him about your feelings. It's only fair to him to see how you really feel.

[Ashesmum]

Your are going to have to make a decision if he is something you can live with (and be happy) for the rest of your life. If you think you can work out the problems, then great but you have to keep the communications going. You are going to have to tell him the truth about how you feel or live with the way things are. Why not just tell him that him gaining weight has set you off a little. You aren't as attracted to him as before. I know you should love someone unconditionally, but if your aren't attracted to the person you love, how are you suppose to keep the relationship going? What about a little romance? Try dong some things from the good old days when you all over each other. Let him know you miss those things. See what happens. Good luck

My husband has gained almost 50 lbs. I have gained a little weight, but he does not want me to lose weight 'cause he is afraid of me being too attractive to other guys (his words). And I know my excuses are lame, I am very angry at myself, but I can't seem to stop myself getting irked by him. I have told him we have to exercise and eat right, and he went with me and joined a gym. But he won't go with me or chose less fattening foods, like a wrap instead of the burger. I don't push him though, I do want him to feel loved (which he is) and I know I would be very angry if someone was telling me what to do all the time and not feeling unconditionally loved. I feel very shallow. I knew I wasn't exceedingly attracted to him before we got married and I probably should have had some hestiation, but he was the 1st guy I connected to on all the other levels and I have never slept with anyone else but my husband so I thought it was okay not to be. I don't want to keep lying to his face, it's wrong, but I don't want to cut him that deep, which I know will happen anyway if he finds out I'm lying. I want to change