Am I being taken for a ride?

[Cooper04]

I'm Norwegian.

I used to travel to Kiev, Ukraine about every month for work. In december of last year I matched with a girl there on tinder, we texted for a while then had our first date in February.

After some back and forth, we met for our second date in June. Both dates were nice enough, we had good chemistry.

I then talked here into coming to Norway to visit me. This was very difficult, she was very nervous and afraid of making the trip but eventually she came to visit me for a week in late August. I pulled out all the stops and we had a brilliant week together. The most perfect week of my life. Needless to say, I paid for everything this week.

On the last day, we talked about how we were both unsure, one week is a little short to fall in love, but we would both like to continue.

We decided she will come back in November, and live with me for 3 months. She can do this without a visa in my country.

As a result of this, she has lost her job in Kiev. She already had a very low income.

But since she went back to Kiev, there has been a change in her. She keeps asking me for money.. First, she wanted to go to language school, which makes sense. Her english is poor, so for her to get a job here she must improve. Then she needed a bigger suitcase, which again makes sense. She is moving here for 3 months after all.. So I sent her a total of 800 dollars, probably 2-3 months salary for her.

 

But now, she wants money for a new phone as hers is broken. And she believes the newest iPhone is the right model for her and that I should pay for it. She wants money for makeup and for a personal trainer.. I fear this will only escalate.

I know there is a cultural difference here, and she has obviously lost her job because of me and our relationship. So I must take some responsibilty here, but how do I tell her enough is enough? I do not think I am being scammed in any way, but I am starting to believe she simply sees me as a rich man she can get money out of.

When she was here for a week, it all felt good. Like we were genuine equals and partners, but now it is starting to feel very lopsided and I am beginning to doubt if a long-term relationship is possible here.

 

Also, the laws of my country basically forces us to get married in february if we want to be together after the 3 months are up. If I am unsure of her motivations, that makes this a very bad situation for me..

 

Or am I just being selfish and stingy? As I said, her poor financial situation is at least partly my fault..

 

Thanks for any advice!

[vla1120]

You are not being selfish nor stingy (unless you somehow forced her to come and visit you for a week?)

 

I would put everything out on the table and tell her you understand she lost her job, but all the reasons she's asking you for money are things that she could coordinate with you once she gets to your place for three months (except maybe the suitcase.) If she really wants to be with you, she'll put all those things aside. Plus, ask her if she would be able to purchase all of that if she still had her job. If she's low-income, I doubt it.

 

Since you showed her a very good time for that week, it's possible she does believe you have the ability to pay for everything and anything. You should tell her you went above and beyond so the two of you would have a nice time, but in reality, you will NOT be living like that when she comes to stay with you, and that is not how you expect to live in the future if you decide to stay together.

[preraph]

Yes, you are being used for money. Women from Ukraine and Russia are well known for that. I wonder if she even had a job before or makes it up to try to guilt you. Anyway, doesn't matter. You only barely know her and she's trying to make you her sugar daddy, so that makes her a sex worker, which is also very common over there.

 

It's the land of the mail-order brides. Had one working in my office at one time. She married some guy as an arrangement when she was on a mail order bride website. She was a natural blonde but had raven black hair once she came over here to hide her identity from anyone checking background. She was a beautiful girl but unscrupulous. She was concealing pregnancy when she took the job at our office so she could get on the insurance and have it pay for her childbirth. She swore she was coming back to work after, but of course, she never did.

 

One way to spot a sex worker is if they flatter you a lot and tell you you deserve better than whatever (your job, your wife, your life) and promise more sex than you could ever want.

 

Don't give this woman ANY money. I imagine that will be the end of that. But if it's not and you progress, you need a prenup.

[Foxhall]

Yes often women from less affluent backgrounds can be milder or nicer than their more well off counterparts,

 

I suppose as alluded above this can be an act too at times and is not as genuine as it appears

 

I would always want to see a genuineness too in the woman, that they are willing to at least make an effort to pay their way,that they would have an intention to look for a job and not be sponging all the time,

 

would not like to be caught with a golddigger either.

[Kaarek]

Yup, you might want to move on and forget her.

Best Regards 🙂