Am I being needy?

[Budbud124]

I’m in my 50s and divorced. My fella is separated but hasn’t done anything along the divorce route. We’ve been together a year! He’s finally sorted out definite weekends with his kids but my problem is that he doesn’t really contact me during these weekends. He then seems surprised when his kids don’t want to meet me. He talks about me (allegedly) but doesn’t talk to me except when alone. I’m very upset by this and every weekend I just expect this to happen and it does. Am I being unrealistic?

[FMW]

After a year, he's being pretty clear on how he wants things. He's apparently happy just as they are.

 

His failure to officially divorce also reveals he isn't motivated to make any changes in his current life.

 

You're not being needy for wanting more, but yes, possibly unrealistic, because you want something he's showing you clearly he's not interested in giving you.

 

Sorry to be blunt, but you need to be honest with yourself and decide whether you're willing to invest in this relationship any further. I would say don't.

[Cookiesandough]

I don’t think you’re being needy. It’s been a year. It wouldn’t be cool with me.

[d0nnivain]

Am I being unrealistic?

 

You & he have been together a year but he still hasn't filed for divorce. Are you sue he wants a divorce? Are you sure his kids don't harbor fantasies that mom & dad will get back together? He's not bringing you around them which is sending them a signal that you are his dirty little secret.

 

I dated a guy once who hadn't filed yet. He cried that he didn't have the filing fee. That excuse didn't hold up because his STBXW did have the money. Anyway, I said I'd pay the filing fee but if he didn't file within 30 days we were done. He filed & I didn't have to pay.

[Blind-Sided]

After being together for a year... no... you aren't being needy. He should commit one way or the other, and you shouldn't wait around for someone who may be using you as a side relationship. (Hoping to get back together with his wife)

 

 

Honestly, I don't get it. I've seen it here a bunch of times where people are separated for years, but don't actually get divorced. I tried my hardest to get my ex to talk about the issues, but as she got more cruel, and secretive... I told her to file, and those 90 days we had to wait in our state couldn't happen fast enough. Not that I didn't love her anymore... and not that I wanted to be apart... but if she didn't want to be part of "My Family"... then I didn't want to be trapped.

 

 

Just my 2 cents... take it for what it's worth.

[preraph]

I can totally understand why he wouldn't want to open the whole can of worms by letting you or anyone else meet the kids. And of course they don't want to. They always resent the other woman and usually hope for a reconciliation. All it does is cause more problems, sometimes even legal ones, to bring who you're dating into your kids' world. Often, the spouse, male or female, will even take it before a judge. Weekends are his time with the kids. He isn't usually going to spend it on the phone with you and neglect them. He's busy with them.

 

And like everyone else says about the pending divorce, you never know what will happen and who is holding up finalizing it. It's just not a good time to date someone.