How would you handle this?

[Believer1980]

So a couple of days ago I shared an FB post from another page. This FB post asked for an opinion on a topic and one of my friends actually commented on the post and we had a nice back and forth.

 

Another friend responded to the general post, but on the main page, which I was pinged on and her response was clearly a response to what I had posted, basically disagreeing with what I said in dramatic fashion.

 

To me it felt like instead of just responding directly to me she chose the main page in hopes I would read her comment but I did respond to her post and I also sent her a text offline just to see what her intent was and to let her know she could always express her opinion to

me. Haven’t got a response yet but the whole thing felt really weird.

[basil67]

More likely she saw the post, clicked on it and went to the main page and simply commented there. I see no reason to think there was any other reason that she commented on a different page.

 

Not sure why you asked what her intent was - seems pretty clear that her intent was to strongly disagree with what you wrote. There's no reason she should disagree with you in private when you've made a public post.

[ajequals]

your dealing in a public forum so I don't see any reason to be upset with her. if you wanted it private then you could have had a conversation between you two..

 

 

could someone else have posted the same thing?

 

you also have to remember text is missing the main dimension of an individual there presences to know what they meant

[Maddie82]

I don't get it. It's just a post. Why is it weird that she disagreed with you?

[Believer1980]

Thanks for the responses and I think I missed a crucial factor which made this a really awkward.

 

My friend actually liked the post I shared from the FB page, clearly read my response to a conversation on, my page, with another friend she doesn’t know. She then went over and made her comment, clearly directed at what I had said ( she even directly referenced language I used) on the main page that I had shared instead of just directly responding to the conversation on my page.

 

The original FB post dealt with etiquette in communication, asking for an opinion on it, and I think she probably took what I said to the other friend in our comments personally. She was not referenced in our comments nor I was I even thinking of her but her response on the main thread was pretty over the top so that’s why I felt I needed to reach out.

[d0nnivain]

She probably paid no attention to whether she was posting on the big thread or on your feed. I can't tell the difference most of the time.

 

If you say something on FB other than in messenger you have to treat it like it was said in a very public setting where anybody is free to join the conversation.

 

So I would treat the post as no big deal. It was her opinion, just like your opinion was your opinion. There is nothing to this. Stop making it a big deal

[anika99]

I agree with dOnnivain. I rarely respond to Facebook posts but when I do it's in the general discussion, not just to the person who posted, and I would be quite surprised if any of my friends took offence to that. You think she took what you said personally but you are taking what she said personally. If the two of you are friends why don't you have an actual conversation with one another instead?

[The Outlaw]

I really wouldn't worry too much about it. She probably didn't think about sending you a PM, and that's the route many people take when they want to disagree. I doubt she meant anything by it.

[Believer1980]

So I wanted to give an update on this situation and hopefully get a bit more input as I think I need to clear the air a bit or it's going to be awkward moving forward.

 

My friend ultimately ended up texting me telling that she would call to discuss her comment but in the interim she doubled down on what she said in her post after I responded to it trying to bring levity to the situation. Since then we have basically been playing phone/text tag primarily because she has been swamped with work, her kids and a big event she has taking place this weekend which I will actually be attending tomorrow.

 

Initially I was thinking of letting this go but it honestly has really put kind of a negative cloud over our friendship and I honestly miss just having normal interaction with her. In addition, I have had a couple of non-mutual friends reach out off-line and ask if this friend was mad at me because her post was pretty harsh and obviously directed at me.

 

My purpose in contacting her would be to see if I can understand where she was coming from and to make sure she is okay. What's bizarre about this whole situation, and unfortunate, is that everything was pretty cool with us and, in fact, we had actually spoken earlier that day and had a really good vibe going.

 

Again, I am not 100% on having a conversation and if I didn't care about her, and our friendship, I would probably feel more comfortable letting it go. But since we have known each other so long I think being upfront with her and actually finding out what, if anything, is going on is the more adult thing to do.

 

Thoughts?

[Rayce]

ugh... this is a good example of why I dislike fb and doubt I will ever return. Let's say she did this deliberately.. maybe she was offended in some way that you reposted the post instead of engaging in the conversation of the original post. How come you reposted it and started a whole new conversation? I hope everything works out ok... good luck. Wishing you peace...

[Believer1980]

Thanks for the response Rayce! And actually I am really thinking about reducing my FB presence because of this but I should clarify what happened because my last comment probably confused you a bit.

 

What I did was share/repost something from a page I follow on FB as you normally do on FB. Another FB friend, who is not a mutual friend, responded to this post expressing his opinion and then we had a nice back and forth and essentially agreed with each other on the issue this particular post was dealing with. This had absolutely nothing to do with my other friend.

 

My other friend liked the post, so I was "pinged", but then went over to the main thread and proceeded to post what I can only call a "diatribe" vehemently, and dramatically, disagreeing with what I said in my post, on my page, to this other FB friend - she even quoted the language I used.

 

To say it was over the top is an understatement and I was actually a bit taken aback because the topic wasn't that serious. And, of course, I was pinged on her response.

 

I then responded to her comment trying to "explain" my opinion, which I really didn't have to do, and kind of "talk her down" a bit and bring things back to a normal "volume". I then texted her saying that perhaps we should talk because of her post and before texting me back telling me she would call me proceeded to post a short, glib, response to my response to her.

 

What was even more odd is that on what I believe was her lunch break, the same day, she re-posted her response to me again as if she wanted me to reply on FB to her which I was not going to do.

 

Honestly, the whole situation is really bizarre as this is a friend who I tend to text, talk on the phone with and even see at least once if not twice a week. I haven't seen her in person in a couple of weeks because of travel but up until this weird FB episode things have been pretty cool with us.

 

Also, since this friend is someone I only knew casually for most of our friendship but have only gotten close to over the past year or so I am wondering if I am seeing another side of her that I just didn't know was there before.

Edited October 11, 2019 by Believer1980
Clarification/correction

[Rayce]

Oh I get it now. It does sound like she had some sort of point to prove but I am as clueless as you. Maybe she was just in a bad mood that day... and now it's a big deal. I say ditch fb and just continue your friendship face to face... that's better than any online bs that goes on. Less chance for miscommunication better chance of having a real relationship.

[Believer1980]

Yeah, I agree and I think the best move here is just to have a "real time" conversation with her to clear the air.

 

I just need to get to the bottom of what was going on with her when she made the comment and see if there is a deeper issue she needs to discuss with me regarding our friendship. Tx again!