BaileyB Posted October 10, 2019 Share Posted October 10, 2019 (edited) I have witnessed off first hand... MM went away for the weekend. He didn't lie about where he is going. She didn't even ask. If that is true, then it says an awful lot about their marriage. It’s not normal for a husband to go away for a weekend and a wife not even to ask where he is/why he is away. It says a lot that he feels he doesn’t even owe his wife any explanation. This should be a HUGE red flag for you. If this is truly her response, it makes me wonder if this has happened before - perhaps you are not the first affair he has had. Edited October 10, 2019 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted October 10, 2019 Share Posted October 10, 2019 Or maybe I have witnessed off first hand... MM went away for the weekend. He didn't lie about where he is going. She didn't even ask. So you were there with them, and he told her that you two would be going away together? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mara1573 Posted October 10, 2019 Author Share Posted October 10, 2019 Previously mentioned. MM wife had an affair just like my partner. Knowing my partner I know he would not ask who/where I am going for the weekend unless if I willingly want to let him know " I am going away for the weekend" So I asked if his wife would ask questions and he said no she doesn't care. Even the first night we spent together I asked in the morning as I was concerned. He said she doesn't come home sometimes. She won't care. She doesn't ask. Usually the kids will ask. He told me they don't ask each other. We were away for 3 days not a single phone call from her. He called his daughter in front of me and she asked when he was coming back. If that is true, then it says an awful lot about their marriage. It’s not normal for a husband to go away for a weekend and a wife not even to ask where he is/why he is away. It says a lot that he feels he doesn’t even owe his wife any explanation. This should be a HUGE red flag for you. If this is truly her response, it makes me wonder if this has happened before - perhaps you are not the first affair he has had. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 10, 2019 Share Posted October 10, 2019 Previously mentioned. MM wife had an affair just like my partner. Knowing my partner I know he would not ask who/where I am going for the weekend unless if I willingly want to let him know " I am going away for the weekend" So I asked if his wife would ask questions and he said no she doesn't care. Even the first night we spent together I asked in the morning as I was concerned. He said she doesn't come home sometimes. She won't care. She doesn't ask. Usually the kids will ask. He told me they don't ask each other. We were away for 3 days not a single phone call from her. He called his daughter in front of me and she asked when he was coming back. Sounds like you both have open marriages, so what's the issue? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 10, 2019 Share Posted October 10, 2019 Previously mentioned. MM wife had an affair just like my partner. That doesn’t justify or excuse the very disrespectful way that he is treating her now. I asked if his wife would ask questions and he said no she doesn't care. Even the first night we spent together I asked in the morning as I was concerned. He said she doesn't come home sometimes. She won't care. She doesn't ask. The kids will ask. They don’t ask each other. If that’s true, they should divorce. That is an unhealthy environment for those children - both parents having affairs, staying out all all night or all weekend, nobody bothering to ask where the other is when they do not come home. Knowing my partner I know he would not ask who/where I am going for the weekend unless if I willingly want to let him know " I am going away for the weekend.” Well, then we have very different expectations in our relationships. I usually offer him the courtesy of telling him if/when I am not going to be home and he usually asks when he can expect me home. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted October 10, 2019 Share Posted October 10, 2019 (edited) I didn’t wake up one day at said I’m going to have an affair. I tried as much as I could to avoid this but always had that gut feeling that it was bound to happen. Obviously my emotions were much stronger than I was. Stop making that ^^ excuse for what you've done and instead learn this: You back away from people when you have that 'draw' to them when you are in a committed relationship and he's married... You don't keep going out with them one on one and nurturing the attraction. If you don't back away from those you are attracted to when you are in a relationship then you'll be cheating again in your future. You must have romantic relationship boundaries in place that keep you loyal to your partner. Zero contact will get you over your addiction to this d-bag you THINK you love but are just addicted to the chemical/oxytocin release known as new relationship energy. If you got with him and had more than stolen moments with him and life in general got in the way of your lust, you would soon find out that he's not worthy of the pedestal you've placed him on. Edited October 10, 2019 by Beendaredonedat 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mara1573 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 (edited) Thanks for the advice. One issue we work together any suggestions on what to do? I know I have to end this before I hurt more than now Stop making that ^^ excuse for what you've done and instead learn this:...... Edited October 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 Thanks for the advice. One issue we work together any suggestions on what to do? I know I have to end this before I hurt more than now My advice, if you want to let go, is to LET GO of the wish that it will be easy. It probably won't be....but put on your big girl panties, and muscle through. Being a grownup isn't always easy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hrgirl915 Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 Previously mentioned. MM wife had an affair just like my partner. Knowing my partner I know he would not ask who/where I am going for the weekend unless if I willingly want to let him know " I am going away for the weekend" So I asked if his wife would ask questions and he said no she doesn't care. Even the first night we spent together I asked in the morning as I was concerned. He said she doesn't come home sometimes. She won't care. She doesn't ask. Usually the kids will ask. He told me they don't ask each other. We were away for 3 days not a single phone call from her. He called his daughter in front of me and she asked when he was coming back. It’s hard coming to terms that they don’t chose you. Just be strong and walk away. I know you miss him and you will for a very long time. But disengage your heart and let your brain take over. You have to know that based on how this started you have a very limited chance at a healthy relationship. Plus, it sounds like he may have a distant type of relationship with his wife. Is that what would you want? Probably not but most likely that’s what it would be some day. You are young. Lick your wounds and go live the best life possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mara1573 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 MM put his house up for sale...Strange both of us moving at the same time... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 He is the one who brought it up when my partner had asked me about a hotel room key. So I really don't see the point of him lying as I am not the one who asked and he's trying to spare me my feelings. And my partner does not ask where I am for the weekend or why. Neither does his. If I am going to spend my weekend with him my partner may ask me what am I doing the weekend and I say going out with a friend. That's it. If your partner (is it a man or woman) doesn't care what you do or where you go why was he/she asking about a hotel room key? I thought they didn't care. I don't see why you're here. Everything seems to be working out for you and MM. Neither of you care about your partner/spouse, have all the freedom you want to see each other; and according to you are in love. So what is it you want from this forum? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 MM put his house up for sale...Strange both of us moving at the same time... That may fix the situation for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mara1573 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 He never has after I found him he was cheating. I was shocked that he asked about the hotel key. It's not about having the freedom to see each other. It's complicated. I know deep down I need to end this If your partner (is it a man or woman) doesn't care what you do or where you go why was he/she asking about a hotel room key? I thought they didn't care. I don't see why you're here. Everything seems to be working out for you and MM. Neither of you care about your partner/spouse, have all the freedom you want to see each other; and according to you are in love. So what is it you want from this forum? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mara1573 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 (edited) MM moving with his wife. I am moving with my partner. MM asked twice getting a place together at the beginning. And I didn't respond or agreed. Doesn't solve the problem we see each other at work everyday So what... did he ask you to move WITH him? Or is he buying a new house with his wife? Edited October 14, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mara1573 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 Just saw him and he asked me what I am doing for thanks giving. I said spending time with the family. Asked him what he was doing he said taking the kids up north (brother's in law cottage). MM said he will miss me with every cell while we're away from each other for 3 days. MM asked if I am sad and I said no why he saying he can feel it. He knows something is up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mara1573 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 (edited) I don't want to hurt my feelings partner or rub it in his face. Also, my partner was never direct with me. He lied even when I had full proof. Partner and I own a business. So you both lied by avoiding to answer a direct question...? Edited October 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 Wait, so you and your partner own a business together and you are involved in an affair with a co-worker? Does he work for you? In your business? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 If everything you say is true and everything the MM has told you is true then it sounds like the whole lot of you are cheaters and liars and nobody loves anybody in any of the relationships involved. I mean you and the MM clearly don't have any love or respect for your partners and apparently your partners don't have any love for you or your MM as neither one of them give a flying fig about what either of you are doing. It's like once you're out of their sight, they couldn't give a damn if you're alive or dead. Heck it sounds like they might even be having their own affairs. So no love lost between you and your partner or your MM and his wife. Which is why I don't believe you and the MM love each other either. Oh I don't doubt that you and the MM feel all mushy and affectionate with each other but that's just lust and infatuation. Real love is involves actions not just talk and sex. If you and the MM love each other so much you both would ditch your loveless relationships in 2 seconds flat in order to be together. The fact that the both of you hold onto these other relationships that are so obviously dead and loveless rather than choosing to be together really cheapens any love you say that you have for each other. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 I agree Anika, if MM's wife and OP's husband were previous cheaters you can bet this affair must be like a gift to them so they can now cheat without feeling any guilt. No wonder they don't ask where they are or what they're doing. Why rock the boat when you've got it made in the shade. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 (edited) ....If you and the MM love each other so much you both would ditch your loveless relationships in 2 seconds flat in order to be together. The fact that the both of you hold onto these other relationships that are so obviously dead and loveless rather than choosing to be together... makes not a single ounce of sense to me. I agree completely with anika. Why you would both chose to stay in your loveless marriages where neither of you even gives a darn when the other does not come home for the weekend is beyond me. If this is true, you both have absolutely nothing to lose to end these marriages and be together. Just please, don’t say that you are staying for the children because what you describe could not possibly be considered a healthy environment for a child. Edited October 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mara1573 Posted October 12, 2019 Author Share Posted October 12, 2019 (edited) Okay so i didn’t put out everything in this situation in FULL details. I love my partner like a close friend and I care about him. I am just no longer in love with him. Mm feels the same way about his wife. There’s no bad blood between myself and my partner or MM and his wife. MM has two kids. One 15 yr old and other one 13. He is a very involved father and I have seen this off hand. MM and wife may live a separate personal life but that hasn’t effected their kids. I can’t speak on why MM hasn’t left his wife or why we both haven’t left to be together. It wasn’t a thought. We have been together for 5 months and with a 20 year age gap it’s a bit scary to the both of us. What I can say is it’s always easier said than done. Seems easy to just split the business and go our own ways. Split everything else too. But it’s not. If everything you say is true and everything the MM has told you is true then it sounds like the whole lot of you are cheaters and liars and nobody loves anybody in any of the relationships involved. Edited October 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 (edited) What I can say is itÂ’s always easier said than done. Nobody said it was easy. Divorce is hard. Disappointing children, separating assets, dissolving a business - these are very difficult things to do. Perhaps that is precisely why so many cheat and lie to their spouses - it is easier than filing for divorce and enduring the consequences of ending a marriage. Edited October 13, 2019 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 I have been seeing a MM for almost 10 years. He will soon be retiring and since we only see each other at work, I’m preparing for this to be over. 10 years is a long time. . It sure is. ^^^This story is a glimpse of your potential future. You will probably at some point split with your partner or he will split with you and you will continue with MM. You won't leave him as you will NEED him, you will not find another guy to take his place... no-one is quite good enough... MM will throw you breadcrumbs every now and again and you will wait for him to leave. He doesn't, he hems and haws but he doesn't leave, you remain in limbo, till like this guy he retires... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 mpinero, You can choose to be a person who lives with integrity or you can choose to be a person who does not. That choice is completely up to you...not your H, not your MM, not MM's wife. Justifying your choices by pointing to your H's actions or MM's wife's actions is just that...justifying your choices. You are the only one responsible for your choices. And I say this all as someone who was a MW, so there is no judgment. And I am much happier now that I live honestly and authentically than I ever was in the A. Was it easy to get to this place? Heck no, it was the hardest path I've ever walked on. But it was worth it. So, the question is, what kind of person do you want to be? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 So it's okay to have an ongoing affair with a man 20 years older but not okay to be with him in the long run? This makes no sense whatsoever either. You say you are no longer in love with your husband and it doesn't sound like he's in love with you either. So when MM retires you say you will be glad because it will end. Does this mean you plan to be celibate for the duration of your life? Link to post Share on other sites
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