Author Mara1573 Posted October 12, 2019 Author Share Posted October 12, 2019 (edited) Okay so i didn’t put out everything in this situation in FULL details. I love my partner like a close friend and I care about him. I am just no longer in love with him. Mm feels the same way about his wife. There’s no bad blood between myself and my partner or MM and his wife. MM has two kids. One 15 yr old and other one 13. He is a very involved father and I have seen this off hand. MM and wife may live a separate personal life but that hasn’t effected their kids. I can’t speak on why MM hasn’t left his wife or why we both haven’t left to be together. It wasn’t a thought. We have been together for 5 months and with a 20 year age gap it’s a bit scary to the both of us. What I can say is it’s always easier said than done. Seems easy to just split the business and go our own ways. Split everything else too. But it’s not. If everything you say is true and everything the MM has told you is true then it sounds like the whole lot of you are cheaters and liars and nobody loves anybody in any of the relationships involved. Edited October 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 (edited) What I can say is itÂ’s always easier said than done. Nobody said it was easy. Divorce is hard. Disappointing children, separating assets, dissolving a business - these are very difficult things to do. Perhaps that is precisely why so many cheat and lie to their spouses - it is easier than filing for divorce and enduring the consequences of ending a marriage. Edited October 13, 2019 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Okay so i didn’t put out everything in this situation in FULL details. I love my partner like a close friend and I care about him. I am just no longer in love with him. Mm feels the same way about his wife. There’s no bad blood between myself and my partner or MM and his wife. MM has two kids. One 15 yr old and other one 13. He is a very involved father and I have seen this off hand. MM and wife may live a separate personal life but that hasn’t effected their kids. I can’t speak on why MM hasn’t left his wife or why we both haven’t left to be together. It wasn’t a thought. We have been together for 5 months and with a 20 year age gap it’s a bit scary to the both of us. What I can say is it’s always easier said than done. Seems easy to just split the business and go our own ways. Split everything else too. But it’s not. I’ll tell you - when any person wants to split up and divide assets they DO IT! And the 20 year age gap should concern you if you are trying to think of the affair as a long term situation. I think IF you consider it as a short term thing you’ll be likely less disappointed long term. If your personal relationship has run its course - better to separate everything and live life more authentically. Do things that make you proud of yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 I have been seeing a MM for almost 10 years. He will soon be retiring and since we only see each other at work, I’m preparing for this to be over. 10 years is a long time. . It sure is. ^^^This story is a glimpse of your potential future. You will probably at some point split with your partner or he will split with you and you will continue with MM. You won't leave him as you will NEED him, you will not find another guy to take his place... no-one is quite good enough... MM will throw you breadcrumbs every now and again and you will wait for him to leave. He doesn't, he hems and haws but he doesn't leave, you remain in limbo, till like this guy he retires... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 mpinero, You can choose to be a person who lives with integrity or you can choose to be a person who does not. That choice is completely up to you...not your H, not your MM, not MM's wife. Justifying your choices by pointing to your H's actions or MM's wife's actions is just that...justifying your choices. You are the only one responsible for your choices. And I say this all as someone who was a MW, so there is no judgment. And I am much happier now that I live honestly and authentically than I ever was in the A. Was it easy to get to this place? Heck no, it was the hardest path I've ever walked on. But it was worth it. So, the question is, what kind of person do you want to be? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 So it's okay to have an ongoing affair with a man 20 years older but not okay to be with him in the long run? This makes no sense whatsoever either. You say you are no longer in love with your husband and it doesn't sound like he's in love with you either. So when MM retires you say you will be glad because it will end. Does this mean you plan to be celibate for the duration of your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mara1573 Posted October 15, 2019 Author Share Posted October 15, 2019 (edited) If me and MM are going to be together long term then we both need to choose each other. I am not certain how we can make things worker due to our age gap. I have never been with someone 20 years my senior. I guess you can say it scares us both. I just learned MM and I were invited to a mutual's friend party. If MM is attending it will be with wife and 2 kids. And I would attending with my partner.. how awkward!!! What should I DO?? Edited October 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge and remove superfluous quote Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Up to you, but I’d go. That way you will see with your own eyes how they interact, as a couple and as a family. I’m not saying it’s 100% indicative of what their relationship is really like. But you’ll get a glimpse of it, and maybe seeing them together with their children will change your mind and open your eyes a bit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mara1573 Posted October 15, 2019 Author Share Posted October 15, 2019 (edited) I think so too. I've been distant towards MM lately. He has asked me what's wrong. Edited October 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 I just learned MM and I were invited to a mutual's friend party. If MM is attending it will be with wife and 2 kids. And I would attending with my partner.. how awkward!!! What should I DO?? I’d pass on the party. Body language is bound to give you away. Be busy. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 I just learned MM and I were invited to a mutual's friend party. If MM is attending it will be with wife and 2 kids. And I would attending with my partner.. how awkward!!! What should I DO?? Don't go? Or do go since you've said neither of your partners care what you do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 If you do go why not have a sit down with the four of you and make sure everyone is agreeable to have you two seeing each other? Then there are no secrets and no reason to feel guilty orexpe t anything more than what it is. May as well do that while you’re all together. Ask MM if he agreeable to that meeting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 If me and MM are going to be together long term then we both need to choose each other. I am not certain how we can make things worker due to our age gap. I have never been with someone 20 years my senior. I guess you can say it scares us both. Except...he has basically already told you there isn't a future together. He will get you "in another life" was your clue he isn't planning to be with you, OP. I am not sure why you're even struggling to figure out what to do about him. He's essentially already taken himself out the game, so to speak - apart from some fun and sex. You might as well give up entertaining any notion of being together with him. He's already shut that down. You just appear not to have really understood that yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mara1573 Posted October 17, 2019 Author Share Posted October 17, 2019 (edited) Who said I was willing to give up what I have to be with MM. Both of our situations are complicated. I never entertained us being together or asked him. I have stopped entertaining MM in general. Edited October 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mara1573 Posted October 17, 2019 Author Share Posted October 17, 2019 (edited) I agree. I don't think I want to go and if I do go I'll avoid MM I’d pass on the party. Body language is bound to give you away. Edited October 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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