kel123 Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 I am 18 and my boyfriend is 21. I have liked him since the first day I met him. We lost touch for a while but last year we started talking and dating. I am SO in love with this man. I have never felt so strongly about a guy EVER. I really thought we had something special but recently I have been looking in his phone (i know i shouldnt but i need to know the truth), and every time i find messages with him and other girls. I found out he was talking to girls on tinder, so i asked him to delete it and he did. But next time I looked, he had downloaded it again and was still talking to girls. This has happened 3 times. The last time he said he promises it will never happen again. He also talks to girls on Snapchat, which he says are just his friends but he flirts with them. I also found a video of a naked girl on his snapchat from a year ago, right when we started dating (so I’m not sure how to feel about that). I asked him to delete these girls that he talks to like this and he won’t. I have also seen messages on his Instagram before. When I ask him why he does this he says because he is “bored” and he’s just young and sometimes he denies it or comes up with an excuse. When i confront him he always gets mad at me. He says that he loves me and he really does show me a lot of love and affection, and obviously I love him more than anything and can’t imagine losing him. But I can’t do this forever, I feel like it’s never going to stop. I just really don’t know what to do. Sorry it’s so long, i just have nobody to talk to about this because it’s so embarrassing and i am so desperate for help. I have never felt so broken and sad inside, its taking over me every day. Someone please talk to me and help me. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 (edited) I can guarantee you that he doesn't love you. He says he is 'bored' which means you are not enough for him. He knows how much this hurts you yet he doesn't seem to care and completely refuses to give any of it up. He will likely never give it up so i'm sorry to say that you have no future with this man. No one should be on Tinder while they are in a relationship. It's disrespect of the highest level. I would actually guarantee that he is sleeping with other girls too. Don't waste your life on this guy. Edited October 9, 2019 by Maddie82 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 Maddie is right. The main point here is respect. He doesn't respect you or take you seriously. Your emotions are putting you at a disadvantage in this relationship. Work on reducing the attraction you feel for him until you get his full attention. The best way to do that is date other guys. Make him ask for exclusivity. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 He is playing the field whist he has you as a back up. What do you love about him? The fact he is sniffing around other woman, or the fact he gets mad at you when you ask him to stop doing that... Link to post Share on other sites
jspice Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 You’re only 18. This feels like a great love right now but it’s not. It’s impossible to imagine not being with him. But when you’re 28 you’ll wonder what the heck you were thinking. At 38 you’ll want to get in your time machine and kick your 18 year old butt because you allowed him to take up this much space in your life. He’s not going to change. You can tell him to kick rocks right now and start healing, or you can wait it out and delay the inevitable. He’s an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 You may be in love but he's not even in like. He's using you. You need to have more respect for yourself & dump him. He's disloyal & hurtful. Go find a kind, loving BF. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 (edited) He's 21 and he's acting his age. He doesn't want to be tied down to one girl, that's obvious. This guy is not your boyfriend and you're stringing yourself along. Find yourself another guy who really wants to be with you and just you if that's what you want. But you're so young yourself, you should be out having a great time enjoying your youth instead of fretting over some guy. He says that he loves me and he really does show me a lot of love and affection - Even if this is true, he negates whatever he says by talking to other girls and dissing your concerns. Beyond that, he might be all lovey dovey in the moment, when you're there, but as soon as your out of sight, he's on the prowl. This guys actions and words don't match up. Words mean nothing without actions to back them up. Edited October 9, 2019 by Redhead14 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted October 10, 2019 Share Posted October 10, 2019 This guy isn't capable of being the partner you want. He is still very young, as are you. Realistically you have two choices - you continue to put up with him flirting with other girls because you love him, or you leave the relationship for someone you know is faithful to you. I know it's difficult to do so when you're madly in love with someone, but ultimately you want to be able to trust whoever it is you're with. Without trust, there is no basis for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 This boy doesn't love you, OP. He doesn't even respect you. It's not going to go anywhere. He's been talking to other girls and essentially cheating throughout your entire relationship. You are a placeholder until he meets a girl he wants to get serious with, and when that happens, you will be left brokenhearted in the dust. Get rid of him. There is really zero point in continuing such a miserable relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 He's just dating you because he's only 21. He's not looking for anything permanent, or forever, and you need to understand the reality of that. He's keeping his options open. You may be madly in love, but you can't force him to be the same way. Again he's simply dating you, this is not forever. The truth is, he won't be your last. You will be dating other guys, they will come and go until you meet someone that is ready to settle down and that can be 10 years from now. He's not BF material, but I'm sure you will find one that is. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 I found out he was talking to girls on tinder, so i asked him to delete it and he did. But next time I looked, he had downloaded it again and was still talking to girls. This has happened 3 times. His translation: "you aren't my mom and you're not going to tell me who I can and can't talk to. I'll do what I need to do to shut up your complaining, but I'm never going to not talk to other chicks". Staying with this guy means tolerating him talking to other chicks on Tinder, which makes you one of a number. If he's telling you he's bored with you, why would you want to stay with someone who esteems you so slenderly? You don't have enough self love to be insulted and offended by that? If that's cool for you, then find a way to be content and quiet about it. If it's not cool, bounce. This guy ain't going to be your love of a lifetime. More like a huge thorn in your side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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