I feel totally lost. I miss my family and friends. Talk to me?

[Lovezen_30]

I'm 27 years old & have done a lot in life so far. I'm a writer & have had stories/articles published. I've got a journalism degree. I moved abroad to Spain (from the UK) five years ago to teach English.

 

It was going well in Spain job-wise until the company I'd been with stopped paying everyone. It screwed up the first 6 months of this year, as I spent the whole time worrying about making rent/buying food. Aside from the financial misery, I was generally happy. I had great friends & was part of some great creative & hiking communities that made me happy.

 

Last year I also applied to do a masters at a university in the UK. I had to be selective about which interviews I accepted as it was hard to get time off work to fly back to UK. As it turns out, the unis I wanted rejected me & by that time it was too late to accept the other choices. I think that's when I started feeling really low.

 

I had a breakdown in June & came back to the UK to recover. I've been unemployed for 3 months although I've recently had 3 interviews. I had a second interview for a job I felt good about last week but it's been 3 days and I've heard nothing.

 

So now I'm back in my hometown & I have to get surgery in 2-3 months. My grandmother is dying in hospital & my family is a wreck trying to cope. Plus my mother says I need to sort my life out before 'everything will pass you by.' I spend my time missing my life in Spain & feeling bitterly lonely because I miss it so much. I spend a day a week crying as though I'm suffering a bereavement. There are times I feel life isn't worth living. I am half way through writing a novel, which is one small achievement.

 

But otherwise, I am struggling. Any words of wisdom?

[Foxhall]

do not be so hard on yourself for a start,

 

your only 27 and you are doing quite well so far,

 

its not that big of a deal missing the masters course, what is another year-

 

If Spain is where your heart is, it should be possible to find more jobs teaching english there,

 

Can you speak spanish? (I am trying to learn it for a different reason!) while you are away use the time well to become fluent in the spanish

 

take a step back maybe, you mention surgery and your family difficulties,

 

concentrate on your novel and your spanish, be there for your family,

surgery is a pretty big deal,

get through that for the time being and leave the other stuff until next year,

 

loads of time ahead for you.

[preraph]

You really should just go ahead and see a therapist. You are going through a bad time and depression. It would help you to have professional support. Sounds like your mom has her own agenda and isn't very supportive. It's your life, so you follow whatever path makes you happiest and yes, there are always obstacles, but you just stay focused. Your mom had her own life to live as she chose and doesn't get to pressure you to do what she wishes she had done....

[Lovezen_30]

Thanks Foxhall. Your post made me feel better

 

The problem is that teaching English is a dead end IMO. So I want to do the Masters in teaching in the UK so that I can go back to Spain and have more stability/a doubled salary. But the thought of staying here for 2 years in order to achieve that..

 

My heart is in Spain, as you say. That is why it is so hard to be without my life there. It's very hard to cope with this new reality and to think of my friends moving on without me. I am B1 level Spanish so I have lots of improving to do.

 

Yes, I am quite scared of the surgery. I just want to be well, mentally and physically.

Edited October 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[Lovezen_30]

You really should just go ahead and see a therapist. You are going through a bad time and depression. It would help you to have professional support. Sounds like your mom has her own agenda and isn't very supportive. It's your life, so you follow whatever path makes you happiest and yes, there are always obstacles, but you just stay focused. Your mom had her own life to live as she chose and doesn't get to pressure you to do what she wishes she had done....

 

Unfortunately, I can't afford a therapist right now as the sessions are super expensive where I currently live. I am unemployed & hoping to find a job soon. It is frustrating as I could really do with talking to a professional. I did go swimming today & am considering taking out a membership pass for the gym for a month or 2. I forgot how good the endorphins are for me when I feel as low as this.

 

I think you may be right about my mum. I hadn't even considered that she might be projecting. Her father made her do a degree she didn't want to do, made her give up her art. It is only now that she's in her 50s that she is an artist again, a truly talented one too.

 

Actually both of my parents are pushing an agenda and although I have always been strong minded, it is clouding my thoughts and feelings on what I truly want for myself.

[alphamale]

I agree with preraph and your mother. Get in therapy, get a new job and get married and start a family...in that order

[Peacemaker1]

Many times our perspective of life can pull us down or lift us up. You are in a situation where it might help you to forget about Spain for the moment. The more you long for it, the more miserable life will seem back in UK. So consider shelving it for now. Also, it might hinder you from keeping your eyes open and seeing opportunities where you are now. I would focus on preparing for the surgery and at the same time beefing up on Spanish or trying another language. You might end up in a new country where English teachers are very much needed like maybe China, Japan, or other countries in Europe. If you cannot afford counseling, why don’t you try talking to a pastor at a nearby church. They are oftentimes trained to give advice and comfort and you never know how it might truly help you.

[vla1120]

While it is fine for your parents to advise you, make sure you continue to follow YOUR dream and reach for your own goals. Your mother, especially, should understand this, since she was forced by her father to follow a different path than she wanted.

 

It is a shame that therapy is so expensive. Do you have a trusted family friend who might be able to listen to your concerns and give you good advice? Also, do not disregard all the websites online where you can gain valuable information about pretty much every and any situation. Just search online for your concern and BOOM!, there will be 100 recommendations.

 

Exercise definitely will help you. If you cannot afford to join a gym, you can still run, walk, work out at home. There are plenty of online videos you could follow for exercise at home. Good luck with your surgery. I hope you recover quickly.

[Soak]

So I want to do the Masters in teaching in the UK so that I can go back to Spain and have more stability/a doubled salary. But the thought of staying here for 2 years in order to achieve that.. .

 

Aside from the surgery (sorry, i'm not sure what to suggest here, it sounds like you need some professional support in relation to this, maybe the hospital has some free counselling services? It's worth a try).

 

In relation to your career goals, you've got to weigh up the costs and benefits of staying in the UK vs going back to spain without your Masters.

 

Imo, it might just be worth committing to staying in UK in order to gain your Masters? Think of it this way: it will set you up for life! Couldn't you return to Spain during vacation times and visit your friends then? I agree with the others though, focus on your health right now, but 'privately' juggle your options around in the back of your mind.

Edited October 21, 2019 by Soak

[ajequals]

what you describe is what everyone goes through in life..My best word of wisdom is put your big boy pants on ,get out there and make the best of your talents , it certainly doesn't have to be in journalism ,I feel the present group of newspaper people and reporters have ruined it for the next decade at least..if your being productive with your life wanting to kill yourself is the last thing on your mind

 

this probably sounds pretty tough to everyone on this board but I feel you need to hear it

[Lovezen_30]

what you describe is what everyone goes through in life..My best word of wisdom is put your big boy pants on ,get out there and make the best of your talents , it certainly doesn't have to be in journalism ,I feel the present group of newspaper people and reporters have ruined it for the next decade at least..if your being productive with your life wanting to kill yourself is the last thing on your mind

 

this probably sounds pretty tough to everyone on this board but I feel you need to hear it

 

Thanks to everyone that replied.

 

I was feeling really desperate when I commented here but I am a bit better now. Turns out that I got the job I had a second interview with but hadn't heard back from - apparently the Director was abroad, which delayed the decision making. It is well paid and everyone has been really nice so far.

 

I also booked a holiday in Spain visiting my friends and am going next week. I feel like I have to take baby steps at the moment.

[preraph]

Congratulations!

 

You know, I'm going to say more parents than not try to push their kids to lead the life they led, because it validates their choices. It's your one life. She doesn't get two.