Kindra_Lore Posted June 6, 2001 Share Posted June 6, 2001 What is wrong with this? My husband and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years. For the first year, we had incredible sex, everyday at least once a day if not more. For the past six months however, it has basically been a big zero. We have sex maybe once a month if I'm lucky and usually that's once of those quickies that do nothing for me. I know that he still loves me and his still attracted to me and I also know that he isnt cheating on me ( he has NO time to do that), so what is the problem? I not only have a pretty high sex drive and miss the great sex that we used to have, but it's also an expression of our love for each other. I have tried to talk to him repeatedly and he just tells me that he has alot on his mind right now (bills, etc.). I'm an attractive person but this is doing nothing for my self-esteem. Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Maniacal Rationalizer Posted June 6, 2001 Share Posted June 6, 2001 It sounds like you have identified the problem. Your husband is obviously under a lot of stress. If he is constantly working and thinking about keeping his financial head above water then he probably isn't thinking about sex. Maybe you should discuss how all this work is affecting your lives together and perhaps you can do something about it to help (i.e. if you are not working then find a part-time job, etc...). Link to post Share on other sites
Laurynn Posted June 7, 2001 Share Posted June 7, 2001 A couple of things "screamed out at me" when reading your post. You mentioned that your hubby couldn't be cheating on you because he's "got no time" (very busy)...then you mentioned that he's told you that he has a lot on his mind right now (bills, etc.) Seems pretty clear to me that the guy is majorly stressed out. Stress is a #1 killer of sex drive. Sounds like he has a stressful job, works long hours, works hard, has a lot of responsibility, feels a lot of pressure. The brain/mind is the biggest sex organ of all. When some people are really stressed out/lots on their mind, sex is really the last thing on the brain. It's nothing personal. Is there anything you can do to help lessen your hubby's stress level? What kind of job does he have? What kind of hours does he work? Do you have children? Do YOU work? Are there any things you can do to ease his load a bit? Do a search on the net, on any search engine (www.google.com or www.yahoo.com , etc) and put in Stress+Sex Drive ....I'm sure you'll get tons of good info on how stress and financial struggles, etc., can kill the sex drive....might give you some tips on how to help him, be more understanding....surely you must SEE how stressed out the guy is, no? If he's that stressed out, when's the last time he had a physical done? ....get his cholesterol checked, blood pressure, etc etc. Could be too, when some men are very stressed and physically/mentally exhausted, they have a harder time "getting it up" which can be very embarassing for them.......so they might choose to avoid sex altogether and avoid the embarassment. You need to do some reading up on this, then the two of you sit down and talk......acknowledge his stress, maybe he's got a lot on his mind that he's got pent up, worries, frustrations, concerns...talk, dialogue. Any chance he could be suffering from DEPRESSION? That's a common killer of sex drive, too. Laurynn Link to post Share on other sites
Kindra_Lore Posted June 7, 2001 Share Posted June 7, 2001 In response to the 2 responses I received, first off, thanks for the advice. It's very much appreciated. Secondly, Not only do I work a full time job myself, but I have three kids that I primarily take care of, I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and housework. In otherwords, I do my FAIR SHARE. As far as him being stressed out, I can relate and understand, to a certain extent. But, if we sit around moody and crying about our problems all the time, not only will we be stressed and depressed, but we will be divorced as well. Yes, we have financial stress, who doesn't..especially with 3 kids, but we make it and everything will be ok. If we don't work on some time for us and our marriage, then what will we have left? What is wrong with this? My husband and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years. For the first year, we had incredible sex, everyday at least once a day if not more. For the past six months however, it has basically been a big zero. We have sex maybe once a month if I'm lucky and usually that's once of those quickies that do nothing for me. I know that he still loves me and his still attracted to me and I also know that he isnt cheating on me ( he has NO time to do that), so what is the problem? I not only have a pretty high sex drive and miss the great sex that we used to have, but it's also an expression of our love for each other. I have tried to talk to him repeatedly and he just tells me that he has alot on his mind right now (bills, etc.). I'm an attractive person but this is doing nothing for my self-esteem. Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Ashesmum Posted June 7, 2001 Share Posted June 7, 2001 First year of a relationship is always the best for sex. It's after time goes on that is shrivels away. I do admit once a month is kinda distant though. But with kids involved it makes things harder. I only have one and it cuts down even our time together. It's either bedtime or early in the morning. So tell him that you guys need some "couple" time. Tell him you miss your romance in the life. Tell him you have needs. Tell him stressing to the point of no return doesn't help anything either. Why don't you set up a date where when he's off of work the kids can go to grandma's or a sitter's house for the night. Have a candlelit dinner and take it from there. Make sure to ask him what would be a good night for him. Tell him it's important to you. Good luck. What is wrong with this? My husband and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years. For the first year, we had incredible sex, everyday at least once a day if not more. For the past six months however, it has basically been a big zero. We have sex maybe once a month if I'm lucky and usually that's once of those quickies that do nothing for me. I know that he still loves me and his still attracted to me and I also know that he isnt cheating on me ( he has NO time to do that), so what is the problem? I not only have a pretty high sex drive and miss the great sex that we used to have, but it's also an expression of our love for each other. I have tried to talk to him repeatedly and he just tells me that he has alot on his mind right now (bills, etc.). I'm an attractive person but this is doing nothing for my self-esteem. Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
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