Will my ex boyfriend come back?

[cace123]

Hello, so my ex and I had been dating for coming up to 2 years and suddenly he’s gone back to university which is far from where I am studying and he started giving me a cold shoulder. I kept getting hot and cold from him. This went on for 3 weeks which I kept on asking him ‘why has the effort changed?’, ‘why can’t you FaceTime me?’, and he kept on making excuses constantly. He kept on saying that he can’t come down to visit this weekend due to having to do coursework this weekend. Like it seemed like he was just avoiding me. So after the first week I asked for a break, he agreed and we left it for a few days and both agreed we need to work harder if we want this to work. Then the following week there wasn’t any change, I felt like I was the only one really wanting it to work. So he was saying things like ‘I don’t particularly want to come down this weekend, I’ve got a lot to do’, so that triggered me to voice my opinion and bring up the whole ‘you need to make effort if you want this to work’. So he kept saying he felt pressurised to go on FaceTime and make effort, I felt manipulated, because I was just a girlfriend that was curious on what was going on. It felt like his intention was to push me away. He made me believe that I was to blame to, so now he wanted a break for the weekend. I agreed as he said that ‘I don’t know if being together is the best thing’. I begged on the phone that day that he didn’t end it, I wish I didn’t beg because I know that’s what usually pushes men further away, but I love him and couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Then a few days go by, he phoned me saying the decision he’s made. He said that he’s been speaking to his mother about it and that it is best to finish things. He said that he wants to do Camp America so we won’t have a summer together, he might want to study abroad and he knew that i’d struggle with that. Like so much stuff came out that he’s not communicated to me about before. I compromised with him and said ‘okay, I’ve had time to reflect as well. I know we won’t be able to FaceTime every night like last year, I never want you not socialising with your friends and not going out and doing things you enjoy. If you want to do those things and they’ll help to go on your cv then I don’t want you turning opportunities down. I’m going to quit my weekend job soon so I can come up and visit you when you are busy.’ He agreed that giving it another shot was the better option, we decided that if it didn’t work out this time then we will mutually finish things. The few days after it was all the exact same! He would make excuses to not go on FaceTime because he’s tired when he’d be having a chilled night in, so I tried to ignore it because of how he felt ‘pressurised’. I felt like I began treading on egg shells around him because one wrong word he would finish it. Like I was holding onto him and believe his intention was to just push me away.

 

He is part of a very female dominated society, so on sports social Wednesdays he went out with a group of girls and one boy. He said that the club he was in had crap signal and would text me as much as he could. I woke up to a message saying ‘my night was alright, it just went a bit **** for some people in the group, I’ll explain when you get up’. He proceeded to say that he slept over a girls house because she started having a mental breakdown, probably alcohol infused. Him and his apparent boy mate (I still don’t believe he stayed with him), walked her home and another mate they went out with suggested they should stay the night due to it being so late and probation houses. He said he slept on the couch and he can see why I was upset. He phoned me to say that he was sorry, he will start making more effort and that he is excited to see me tomorrow. He went for a nap and roughly 6 hours later saying that he doesn’t know if he loves me anymore and thinks we should break up due to a little bicker we had.

 

I want some opinions on the situation as right now I’m confused. He is a completely different boy, he’s always said I’m the one and that he’d never leave me again. (So back story to this is that we spoke for 3 months before and dated before but only for a week. He basically left me for his ex. He came back really sad saying ‘I’m sorry, I should’ve realised how good you were’, eventually I understood and got back with him) it has been two years of a great relationship, nothing toxic. He apologised to my family and friends when he came back the first time and really grovelled to win me back. He always promised to not leave me again and that he would be an idiot to. It’s just a head wreck. So I am unsure that if this boy is confused and will come back? It seemed like such an impulsive decision and he’s in this bubble of new things and excitement. Like it’s really destroying me, everyone said we were soul mates and were meant to be. It’s just so random how quick he has changed to me. Our last conversation he said something along the lines of ‘my head hasn’t been turned, I don’t like any of the girls in the society, they’re just good friends. I just want to be on my own for a while. I probably am going to kick myself because you’re a great girl but I just couldn’t anymore’. Like what does this mean? He deleted me off of Snapchat and unfollowed me on Instagram a week later. But I unfriended him on a few things prior. He’s been extremely quick to delete the photos off of Instagram and Twitter. Like is this boy confused? Does anyone think if he will come back? Is it going to hit him later on?

 

Opinions and advice would be very much appreciated.

[preraph]

Anytime people go off to school, they end up breaking up with their old girlfriends or boyfriend and usually a lot of old high school friends as well. People get out into a larger environment and get a broader world view and meet new kinds of people and sometimes find their niche and the old world seems boring to them. When you're young is the time to explore and not be tied down to anyone.

 

I am so sorry you're are hurting, but you need to also spread your own wings and go do things as an unfettered woman and follow your own path with no regard to what he's doing and meet new friends and grow. Good luck.

[d0nnivain]

Now that he's at school, the world is opening up for him. He's learning new things, meeting new people & figuring out who he is. University is a time to grow & explore. That means the girl back home just doesn't have the same allure. He's pulling away because he wants to take his life in another direction. You have to let him go.

 

I'm not one to say "never". Perhaps you will see each other occasionally when you are both back home during breaks from school. But in the short run dating is not an option. Make a clean break & do your own thing.

[Lotsgoingon]

I don’t like any of the girls in the society, they’re just good friends. I just want to be on my own for a while. I probably am going to kick myself because you’re a great girl but I just couldn’t anymore’.

 

This is standard b.s. that people say when they try to dump someone gently. He didn't anticipate ever losing interest in you, but he has. Going off to college will do that.

 

People in college get to meet people from a range of backgrounds and they explore new interests and new sides of themselves--sides they didn't know existed until they were in this new situation.

 

The relationship is over--he just doesn't have the confidence to tell you to stop calling and that he's no longer interested.

 

BTW: promising that you will never leave someone is completely foolish and unrealistic ... and impossible to say with any truth. Forget about other people, we can't make that promise because as a relationship progresses, we might become unhappy.

 

Time to let go ... not what you want to hear, I'm sure.

 

You're young. Go out and meet new people. And no he won't come back. And it might very well be that you would not want to date him as he becomes this new person.

[stillafool]

Everyone is right, plus it seems like he was always on the verge of breaking up with you so that is why you were walking on eggshells. Do you really want to be with a guy that you have the walk on eggshells to keep? That won't be much fun for you. Unfortunately what is happening to you two as a young couple is normal. Are you in college also?