Just an update at 20 days NC-support please

[georgiagirl76]

Hi everyone.

Thank you again for all your support and advice. Not really sure if I need advice right now just support. Tomorrow marks day 20 of NC I am almost at 3 weeks. I have gone through many of the "stages of grief." Currently, I miss him again very much. I know that this too will pass but I just felt like I would feel better if I posted this.

 

He asked for space. I have given it to him. I have done a lot of thinking and really am not sure if I would want to get back together. I love him but maybe he is right- our careers just aren't compatible. But on the other hand, I am in love with him and would adjust in order for us to be together. Anyway, I know that some have advised me not to keep him on my messenger list- and you are right I am not ready to totally let go yet. It is my one string that is left that I will eventually have enough courage to let go. I have started taking pictures down and this weekend I am going to gather everything and put it in a box. We have a puppy together that I am guessing I will keep. He still has my house key but I don't want to demand that he return it.

 

I don't initiate contact with his family anymore because I felt like it was a way to keep in contact with him and I was truly trying to accept this distance and attempt to heal in order to move on if after the space we decide not to get back together. However, on several occasions his family has sent emails to me asking me how I am doing. His brother has always been close to me and has confided in me and I him in the past and he sent me an email the other day telling me that he knew it would get better soon. I have simply responded thanking them for their kindness and I told them that I am accepting the break up and starting to move on. I also told them to give me some time to heal and not contact me. I hope that wasn't too harsh.

 

Anway, I miss him- I love him- and I am feeling down-not crushed or devastated-just a longing. But I still feel so much better than I did at first. So, I know our status changing on yahoo is childish and stupid but I suppose right now I am just not ready to totally give up. I don't have any grand illusions about us getting back together but I haven't lost all hope yet. I suppose at 20 days it is natural to still be a little hopeful. Hopefully, I will be able to let go soon.

 

Thanks again if you have any words to help me.

[georgiagirl76]

PS

I was locked out of my house today because I left my keys at the theatre after our morning show- however I didn't call him for the spare (since he has a key and hasn't returned it) although it would have been legit to do so. I just wasn't ready and I didn't want to undue any work that the NC had started.

[jhurtinct]

keep staying strong, you've come a long way and it will just keep getting easier, and from personal past exp. you did the right thing with his family and you handled it perfectly,they will understand. Give that puppy a hug and a kiss:)

[jhurtinct]

P.s. on your PS even better job with the keys, good going.. At least now he won't think you did it on purpose and for all he know you could've changed the locks:)

[georgiagirl76]

Jhurt

Thanks for the kind words. That is why I posted- not really a problem to sort out just needed to hear some encouraging words. I know that it is a process and I can do this. I just miss him right now.

[jhurtinct]

I know and it will continue to get easier promise, But again you did a wonderful job with every situation thus far and you sound like a very strong women you will get through beside you have that puppy take him/her for a nice walk or play some tug of war:):) Just wanted to make u smile......

[jomaxfury]

GG,

Your right on track I was feeling the same way towards 20th day. After the month your start losing track of the days counted. Like said before on another post. I am not even sure how many days have past since my break up with the exgf. Honestly it feels good.

I understand about your feelings just when think your are doing great something hits you. I read the ex profile on Myspace and it punched me in the stomach. It only lasted that night that I read it. I couldn't sleep, but then I realized why focus on something thats set and done. Why not focus on youself, instead of someone that doesn't care about you. Thats what keeps me going. She can't even look at me now in the face, as she did in the begining of the break up. I will end up the finding someone that has less issues to figure out. Like in my situation...No one deserves to be drag into someone else's issues..No one...

You will feel much better about yourself. Give it more time no matter how long...Keep the NC.

[leighmc]

Great job Georgiagirl!

 

I definatly think you did the right thing with his family. They have to understand how hard this is for you and hopefully will honor your request.

 

I'm so glad to hear that you are doing good and still following through with NC.

 

I'm doing good myself. I did send him a text message on Tue but it wasn't anything major and it hasn't set me back at all. So, technically i'm only on day 2 of NC again but i'm doing good.

 

I'm still worried about my strength on his b-day on Saturday. My best friend said she would do everything she could to keep me from contacting him. We are going to get together saturday night so I should be ok.

 

Anyway, I'm really glad to hear that you are doing good and staying on the right track!

[francis]

GG! Hang on in there! You are my inspiration so don't let me down! We are all in this together. I wish I had had your strength from the very beginning.

 

Protect yourself. You are an intelligent woman with a LOT to offer, you deserve a man who realises that, not a man who wants space.

 

You are doing a great job. Until he is ready to work things out, there is no point in contacting him.

[Art_Critic]

I suppose at 20 days it is natural to still be a little hopeful.

 

 

GG yes it is.. In fact there is nothing wrong with feeling hopeful at all at any time down the road, As long as the realistic side of your thinking keeps you in check.

You sound good.. Keep it up.. Keep up the strength

[georgiagirl76]

Guys all of you

I was so thankful to wake up and see my ususal suspects replying to my post. I know we all get really emotional sometimes and this may seem like I am gushing- but THANK YOU. I needed to hear that I was doing ok. I know that it is natural to feel these things and I know that if someone wants me they won't need space. On the other hand I try to understand that sometimes it is respectful to take space and figure things out on your own instead of dragging the relationship down- not rationalizing just stating.

 

However, I needed you because when I woke up this morning- there was an im from him. It was fairly long- I am trying to let it go and just take it as it is and not think about it- but it has only been 10 minutes since I saw it so naturally I am a little raw.

 

I didn't reply nor am I considering at this moment.

 

Basically the gist of the IM was- wishing me good luck (break a leg) this weekend- I do community theatre and this weekend is our opening. He said that he knows I am doing something I love. Then he said he hopes the puppies are being good to me. He told me that he was heading to DC for the army 10 miler in four hours or else he would come see my show. Then he ended with "I really hope you are doing ok and that everything is going well with the firm." (I just started my own law firm with a partner in June.) Then he ended it with "Take care hon"

 

Ok- I am really trying not to analyize this. I am- however it is hard because as I have indicated in my posts- the break up wasn't final. It is significant that we met at one of my shows- he was an audience member and I came out to greet the audience afterwards. Theatre has always had a special place for us. Additionally, I knew all about the army 10 miler- I was going to go and volunteer instead of doing the show. DC is also a special place for us- it is the last vacation we took in May.

 

Anyway- not sure why he bothered iming me and I know it isn't my place to figure out. UGH- I still miss him but I am not breaking no contact.

 

Art Critic- and others you always have something insightful for me BRING IT ON

[Art_Critic]

but it has only been 10 minutes since I saw it so naturally I am a little raw.

 

Precisely the reason you should not reply.. You are still healing and hurt right now.. By replying you accomplish nothing.. By not replying you accomplish so much.

 

You keep the power.. You need the power right now.

If you reply you will expect a reply to your reply and that will sink you

By keeping the power you are guaranteed that he will be thinking of you more.

 

 

 

I didn't reply nor am I considering at this moment.

 

Good..

 

the break up wasn't final.

True.. But by not replying you don't cement the fact either or finalize it..

It just stays as is

[georgiagirl76]

Art

Thanks- I just wanted to vent and post that. I really wasn't thinking of replying. I figure that he asked for space and until he initiates wanting to come back and talk I am going to continue to try to heal and move on. But it is natural to be sad a bit- and miss him. I didn't get excited that he imed me- just melancholy.

[francis]

exactly, he is not retracting what he said about wanting space. he's throwing you a 'friendly' email. don't fall into this hole of being friends when you know it will tear you up inside to do so.

 

it's a sign he is thinking of you, but he is still obviously not ready to talk about your relationship with you, unless he indicates that he is, remain in no contact to protect yourself...

 

and hey! good luck with your performance over the weekend x

 

i'm on Day 4, missing him like crazy, but this 'friend' sham has to end.

thank you GG for sharing your experience through this difficult time. it's helped me a great deal to witness your strength and 'common sense' sight of it.

[seachange]

Hi GG. I haven't replied to your threads before but I've been reading them...I just wanted to say that you seem like a really terrific, understanding and intelligent person, and I know you've inspired a lot of people here - including me.

 

So thanks, and keep up the good work - you're doing so great!

[georgiagirl76]

Thanks all

 

I know that I could try to analyze this thing to death and still not really know exactly what he is thinking- so I try not to. I have to say that today has been tough- I was already missing him yesterday and last night before I went to bed I said a little prayer to help me move on. Then I wake up to his message.

 

I do know that he is thinking of me- but seriously I never doubted that. Like I have posted in the past, our relationship was not based on insecurities or emotional manipulation so it is no surprise that he is thinking of me.

 

I do think he was trying to get some response from me all week by posting very specifically what he was doing all week in his status message. I also think that he chose last night to im me because if I didn't respond he could always tell himself that I was asleep. I feel like I do have the control- and it is a good feeling.

 

I think in another few weeks he may again try to contact me- I have decided not to respond unless he asks me a direct question or states that he wants to come get his things/give back the key or that he wants to talk to me about our relationship.

 

Although, it is hard I have tried to move on as if he isn't coming back but I will never deny that I miss him and I still have some unrealistic hopes of reconciliation. I have found that there are many people one LS who deny that they want to get back together but it is so obvious from their posts.

 

Thanks again for all the support and any more would be welcome. I think it is going to be a hard, long day.

[georgiagirl76]

His mom emailed me today. She said that she was thinking about me and that she wanted me to send pictures of the puppy (that the ex got me). She then told me that he had called her on the way to DC and also that he would call her when he was done. Then she threw in that he misses his dog.

So odd.

 

I miss him a lot today. I do. I am not going to try to hide it. If he walked through the door- I would be weak. I promise I am not regressing. I will not break No Contact unless he asks me something very specific.

 

This hurts but I know one day it won't.

[Art_Critic]

His mom emailed me today. She said that she was thinking about me and that she wanted me to send pictures of the puppy (that the ex got me). She then told me that he had called her on the way to DC and also that he would call her when he was done. Then she threw in that he misses his dog.

So odd.

 

I miss him a lot today. I do. I am not going to try to hide it. If he walked through the door- I would be weak. I promise I am not regressing. I will not break No Contact unless he asks me something very specific.

 

This hurts but I know one day it won't.

 

He is now using his Mom to get you to break the silence.. Keep the strength.

 

If you email her back just answer short and sweet and keep him out of the convo.

 

Don't buy the dog trick .. She is trying to work your guilt gland

[georgiagirl76]

Art

You probably will have harsh words for me. I replied to her saying that I could send the pics. I also said that I was moving on and not waiting for him to come back. I said "what will be will be." I don't really think that he is using his mom but I do think she is curious as well and may be trying to play matchmaker. I know- I know I shouldnt' have said anything- I know you are right! Anyway, this whole thing sucks. I was doing so well and then he imed me and it made me feel - i don't know something.

[Art_Critic]

Ya did nothing wrong girl ..

You didn't show any of your cards by talking about moving on..

You also might now get a real message from him when he gets back

 

But He is using his Mom .. His mom doesn't know it though.

 

I'm answering that as a guy that has used a girls Mom before to break the silence and or help fix a fu** up

 

Keep going. and keep strong..

 

Send the pics to her not him... And no note

[georgiagirl76]

Yeah, I wasn't going to send the pics to him. I will send them to her. She probably will end up telling him that I did get in touch with her and that I was fine. However, I anticipate another long period of NC from him which is good for me. I need to keep healing. Who knows maybe another 3 weeks will go by and he will send some other post. All my friends think it was sweet. Am I missing something here? They all asked me what I said? I mean- yeah I guess it was sweet but I mean- he still didn't actually say any thing right?

 

Here is his im in its entirety- Art have at it. You always tell me the truth

 

Hey, I just thought I'd send a little message to you saying

good luck tomorrow. Even though you may not have the part you wanted, you are still doing something you love very much. Anyway, I hope you are doing well and the puppies are being good to you. I'm heading to D.C. for the

Army Ten Miler in 3 hours (otherwise I'd come to one of your shows). I

really hope you are doing ok and everything is going well with the firm.

Take care hon.

 

 

I know- Im probably obsessing and possibly doing some regressing. It just is so bizarre that I missed him for the first time after my anger stage yesterday and then I get contacted. I was hoping I would be in the anger stage if he ever contacted me so it wouldn't bother me. Oh well- I just need to hang in there. This will pass too.

[Art_Critic]

IT was and wasn't sweet.. If you were still together i would've been sweet but because you guys aren't right now it is not sweet ..

 

It is him testing the waters trying bit by bit to break you down till you answer.

 

Heres the rub right now.. If you answer then he will most likely think.. hummm.. I still have her and keep right on his merry way, No reason to try and get her back right now because I can get her back at any time....

 

You need to keep healing.. You are a bundle of raw nerves..

 

If he contacts again just keep healing.. Sooner or later you will want to talk to him for the right reasons not the wrong ones ( which is where you are now )

 

[georgiagirl76]

Art

Thanks. I am going to keep healing. I am a bundle of raw nerves today. It is strange because I thought I was right on track. I have not contacted him though just posted a bunch of posts here instead. Thanks so much for replying. I am normally stronger than this and not so sure why I got sad today. I will get better. I have healed a lot and come a long way in the past 3 weeks. I mean in the beginning I was focusing on him coming back and I was a mess.

 

I haven't cried in a long time and the thought of him doesn't make me cry and I know one day it will all make sense.

[Art_Critic]

your doing fine .. an upstanding LS'er.. and by the way I read you posts your head is slowly coming out of the fog

 

[georgiagirl76]

Art

Thanks again- I just feel like I have regressed or something. He has been on my mind all day. I am lethargic and generally sad. I was so strong and able to advise others about No Contact and all the benefits. I still believe in it and I will continue it. I want to be an adult about this but somehow now the tiny glimer of hope that had all but disappered has started to shine again. I am hoping it is just a natural result of his contact and I don't get overwhelmed by wanting him to come back. However, I have always tried to be honest about how I am feeling even if I know it isn't the popular response. I am not used to any kind of game playing- not that NC is a game. I am just used to being able to talk about how I am feeling. However, he isn't my boyfriend right now so I have no reason to express myself to him. I hope all the work I did for the past 3 weeks isn't lost. Thanks again- any body else have any suggestions- not that I don't want to hear anymore from Art he is great.