General on girls/crush

[Justaguy1234]

17m, Senior in high school. Never had a girlfriend, went on a date, or kissed a girl. Extremely long story coming up, I would love for you to read it but if your low on time skip to the end.

 

All throughout elementary school, I was never friends with any girls. Talked to them sometimes about classwork but never hung out at recess or whatever. Same goes for freshman year.

 

Sophomore rolls around and theres this super attractive (at least to me) new girl. Shes in my careers class. Teacher asks who has jobs and what they are. Turns out we both worked in the same place (not the same workplace but two adjoining workplaces on the same floor, in the same building) over the summer. I glance at her quickly as shes telling the teacher but shes not looking back. Never see her at work. Same day (i think) we go down to the computer lab. I didnt have any friends really in this class so I sit down by myself. She sits beside me. " So anon, we work at the same place?" "yeah i guess so". I ask her what her position is, she says hostess. I was stupid and didnt know what that was so i ask her what it is. She gives me a short explanation. "Oh, ok". Dont talk for the rest of the period even though were sitting beside eachother. Terrible first impression, included some stuttering and lots of akwardness.

 

A while later maybe 2 months or so were doing a group project in science, i dont have any close friends in this class and the aquitances i have have already made their own group. I go up to the teacher and tell him i dont have a group. "These two dont have a third member". Look behind me and its super hot girl and her friend. "Can i join you two?" "Sure". This is where i think i made a good impression, talked casually, joked a bit. Super hot girl thought my name was something else. Other girl knew my name. Oof. Turns out their marks were bad (50s or 60s) mine was 90s. I offered to help super hot girl with the class (im suprised i did this it was very unlike me at the time) she said no because her cousin (who was in the class) was helping her (which was probably true) but she said thanks for the offer.

 

First sem exams roll around, we have time to study, she asks me to help her study for science in 1st period. This also went well, we study for a bit then just talk about other **** like summer, funny stories and ****. I was wearing a cast but she didnt even mention it. Eventually she asks if im going to the semi formal, i say no, she says i should go. It was the last day to buy tickets and i didnt have any money plus my friends werent going so i didnt want to go. I thought it couldve been a sign but she definently already had a date so it wasnt about that.

 

Second sem rolls around and were in one class together. We sit far away because im sitting with my friend. We dont talk at all except one time she called on me to answer a question from her presentation because nobody had their hand up. I give some stupid bull**** answer because i dont want to say "i dont know". The teacher explains the right answer and it makes me look dumb. I try to say something in the hallway after but shes talking to the guy she went to semi with. I always see them in the hallway together so i assume their dating and do nothing for the rest of the year. She goes to prom (as a sophomore) with a senior and starts dating him after.

 

Junior year rolls around. Sem 1 we have another class together. Its very low key and invokes a lot of class discussion which is good. Few days in shes like "hey anon, still working at that place?" turns out we both got new jobs. Still somewhat close to eachother (same street adjoining plazas) which is really weird. We talk sometimes during this class but mostly as a class discussion, i remember a few times that she gave me ins to start a conversation with her but i was too focused on the class discussion.

 

My one friend Steve shared the same cultural backround as her. Even though hes not amazing, Steve talks to tons of girls and has way more women friends than me. He doesnt know about my crush and i know he'll do something stupid if i tell him. Anyways this leads to them having many conversations about it and bonding over it which made me jealous but it didnt matter anyways because she still had a boyfriend.

 

Sem 2 rolls around. No classes with super hot girl, but at this point i request to follow her on instagram because **** it. She has over 2000 followers yet takes a month to accept it. I dont ****ing care anymore. Around this point I start thinking straight. "I have wasted most of my highschool career hung up on this one girl, shes never gonna break up, i need to start thinking about other girls, etc."

 

Theres a girl in one of ny classes i think is cute. She has a history with Steve whos in the class but he hates her now. Cute girl breaks up with her boyfriend. Very low key class so she starts talking with our friend group. Somebody has to sit beside her so i do. She grabs my phone and adds herself on snapchat. We talk often on snapchat and in class, she touches my hands and arms, we walk together in the hallways, etc. I think shes very nice innocent and cute. Im not trying hard just letting the relationship develop naturally. Couple days later my friend Bill tells me hes also trying to get with her. Apparently she has a rep as easy. She is most definently not but i dont know this at this point. We make a joke 5 dollar bet for whoever ****s her first (were both virgins btw). We both start trying hard at this point. There is a third contender. Hes a year older and doesnt know about the bet, talks to her often. I think i have the upper hand, she touches me talks to me alot. Bill starts sitting with her and her friends at lunch. I dont because i want to sit with my friends and i dont want to compete with him directly. Everyone tells me im making a mistake going after cute girl, "shes decieving, talks to tons of guys, etc." I dont listen. Eventually a school goes to see a show put on by our music group. Bill is in it. Cute girl doesnt have anyone to sit beside so she asks if she can sit beside me. I think im winning. Then she starts leaning away from me rather than towards me during the show. She talks about Bill and how well hes doing. I realize im not winning. When i get back to school i talk to guy that dated her in freshman year. He tells me she cheated on him after 8 months. Thats ****ed. I say ill hit and dip. He tells me i shouldnt have her as my first. He also tells me she talks to tons of guys which i know is true. I try to talk to keep talking to her but i cant stomach it anymore. At this point ive only been talking to her for a month or so. Steve tells me to ghost her. He does it all the time. I do it. I move away from her in class and stop talking to her entirelly. I kind of regret i it now i should have just distanced myself, it doesnt hurt having more women friends. Bill keeps trying hard for the whole semester. I think theyre gonna date. She starts dating the senior instead. Lmao im happy at this point that i didnt waste my time.

 

Anyways back to a couple weeks after i ghosted that girl i go on a school competition thing with steve. A girl approaches me and tells me a petty thing about my presentation that was wrong. I can tell she likes me. I dont think shes very attractive. This has happened to me many times but i always think their not attractive enough. Me and steve start talking to her, she adds me on snapchat. Steve intiates a conversation with another school group. I join in. Start talking to another girl (lets call her cute girl#2) on the same trip. I ask for her snap, she gives it to me. The girl who i dont think is attractive sees me doing this. Either this or the fact that steve is better than me at women makes the unnatractive girl like steve better. I talk to both of them over snapchat. Unattractive girl says we should hangout(me, her and steve). We dont. Couple weeks later i get the balls to ask cute girl #2 to hangout over snapchat. First and only time ive asked a girl out. She says yes but only as friends beacuse she "recently got out of a relationship." I know the line and know ive been friendzoned but regardless i try to make plans so that i can make her like me more in person. Shes always "busy". I stop trying. She has also been talking to steve. She tells him im coming on way too strong. He tells me. Couple weeks later i stop talking to her and unattractive girl on snapchat because i get bored of our conversations. Present day, about six months later, Steve still talks to cute girl #2 on snapchat.

 

Back to junior year, nothing else happens, the year ends, summer begins. I ask steve how hes so succesful with girls. He tells me its a numbers game and to add random girls on snapchat. I hate the idea but i do it. I all ends in boring conversations , no response, being left on delivered etc. I stop doing it. Another unattractive girl, this time from my school adds me on snapchat. I reject her and she kind of freaks out on me, i kind of feel bad because i led her on a bit.

 

Anyways summer ends, senior year starts, about a month ago. Still occasionly thought about super hot girl over the past few months but she was never my sole focus. Super hot girls boyfriend recently dumped her because she cheated on him with her hot friend who is a woman. Me and steve go to a uni presentation. Super hot girl sits near us. Starts a convo with steve i join in, we have a good convo about out future. Few days later we go to a school football game. Me, steve and some other friends go to the after party. First party ive been to with kids at my school. Ive drank and smoked weed before but not at a school party. Super hot girl shows up. Im sitting next to her hot friend. Super hot girl seems suprised because shes never seen me at those parties before. "Anon are you drinking?" "yeah and smoking". She turns to her hot friend "your corrupting him". She asks steve if hes drinking he says hes dd. This is a lie but im not calling him out on it. Shes also dd. I want to start talking to her but shes talking to other people and leaves earlier than i thought.

 

She puts her snap on her instagram story a couple days later. I add her, she adds me back, i send a message and i get left on delivered for 5 days. I finally decide to send another. Streaks so it doesnt look desperate. She opens it responds with a pic of the corner of her face, no cap. I send her a pic of my pizza no cap. She opens it, doesnt reply. I send her streaks the next 2 days, she doesnt open them. Week or so later she walks by me and steve arm wrestling. She pushes on my arm and says "you win" then walks away with her friends. Been a week since then. I have no classes with her, she goes out at lunch, and we both have last period spare but we drive home. I think she lives near me.

 

Anyways at the same time ive been driving another girl (lets call her cute girl #3) home pretty much daily. We have good conversations and such, i treat her like an equal and im not trying to date her but she seems to like talking with me. Right now im just letting it develop naturally, seeing where it goes, probably saving her as a backup so i can have a date to a dance if nothing happens with super hot girl.

 

Finally for the question, i know this has been super long. Basically i dont know what to do. My dream would be to go out with super hot girl but im getting the vibe she doesnt like me that way. I would definently consider dating cute girl #3 but i like super hot girl way better. Problem is i never get the chance to talk to super hot girl in person and i know for sure i cant talk to her online. Cute girl #3 is friends with super hot girl so i could tell her about how i like super hot girl and she could tell me what super hot girl thinks of me, but that would probably ruin any chance i have with cute girl #3. In a few days all the seniors are going on a retreat to a campground for 3 days. I think this will probably be my best chance to talk to super hot girl for right now. But im worried that ill just be with my friends and wont get the chance or i just wont say anything to her. What should i do?

[SumGuy]

My vote? Cute girl #3 because you actually know her far more than super hot girl. It sounds like you really don't know super hot girl, so what you are liking about her (besides looks) is the construct/fantasy in you head about her.

 

Don't let this crush, as you so aptly put it, ruin a real thing. Your fantasy will always be better than reality because you can make it what you want. Look up the emotional nature of a crush, you'll see that to rely on those feelings you have for the person you are crushing on is not a good idea.

 

You have a connection going with cute girl #3, you talk to her regularly. What you like about cute girl #3 is real, not fantasy. Think of the likely scenarios if you go with cute girl #3.

 

1. You ask cute girl #3 out but she says no, but if it is done well there will be no hard feelings and she may like you even more and may even help you with super hot girl a bit later. Cute girl #3 even if she turns you down and just wants to be friends could be your best "wing man" ever.

 

2. Cute girl #3 says yes to going out. You could well end up liking her a lot and it works out. Put out of your head this teenage crush (so classic but I get it) and focus on cute girl #3. Cute girl #3 is likely the real deal.

 

3. Cute girl #3 says yes to going out but it doesn't work out. As long as you were communicative, respectful, kind, etc. and it ends on a friends note you have not lost anything. In fact, cute girl #3 if a good friend may even help set you up with super hot girl as she can vouch for what a great guy you are. That is a huge deal for a super hot girl, finding a guy who is genuine and not all nice just to get in her pants.

 

Now if you go the other way, especially if you use cute girl #3 to get to super hot girl it could all back fire, and likely will.

Cute girl #3 may be offended, then you are doomed with both.

Super hot girl could say no and then you are very unlikely to ever be able to go out with cute girl #3.

Super hot girl could say yes but you find out she is not what you think (almost guaranteed as your image of here is based on a crush) then you are again without super hot girl and cute girl #3, and may get a reputation for being a d*ck among the girls at school.

 

last but not least, super hot girl is getting lots of attention from a lot of guys, even if she goes out with you she could readily move on. If she thought you might be the one for her, bet she would find a way to talk with you etc. High school is really small social circle and the reason she has't made time to be with you is not because the chance hasn't arisen, she'd make the chance if she thought you might be the guy, especially since she knows you know cute girl #3.

 

Now cute girl #3 is making time to hang out with you. Sure there may be a practical side to it (plausible deniability in case you don't like her) but trust me she wouldn't keep doing it if she didn't like you, even if that like is only as a friend.

 

Good luck, and don't be a d**che bag.

 

As an aside, it is good you treat cute girl #3 as an equal, as a human being deserving of as much respect as yourself, you should treat all women like that even those not in the friend zone.

[SumGuy]

Frankly if it was me, on the retreat I would talk to super hot girl but about if her friend cute girl #3 likes me. Can bet that is a real change of pace for super hot girl.

 

You get to have an "emotional" type conversation with super hot girl without risk and even impress her. You could even talk about how much time you and cute girl #3 spend together and you wonder if she might feel about you the same way. This is kind of vulnerable but vulnerability from a place of balance and strength is very hot. It's genuine.

 

Think about all the things you like about cute girl 3#, those that came up from talking with her, those are the kinds of things women like men to like about them (in reality you will find as you get older you'll want the same thing). In general I'm saying a guy saying they think a women is hot gets you zero points, does nothing to advance your cause, it only works when the woman has already decided they like you it never incites like (except for the most insecure).

[preraph]

Asking a third party what their friend thinks of you is considered very cowardly. Those two are friends so you can't play both of them. So it's you choose one or you do none.

 

One thing to remember always is the girl who is voluntarily talking to you with no other reason (like working with you at school or elsewhere) is probably at least a little interested. If you only go after the super hot girls, who only go after the super hot guys, you may end up alone. #3 has wrangled a ride home with you. If you have interest, stop stalling and stop looking at Super Hot Girl and ask #3 on a proper date and treat her how you'd like to be treated, with respect and not being presumptuous about anything. Super Hot Girl didn't even remember your name early on. The one who did would have been the better choice between the two early on.

 

For women the attraction is either there or it's not. Glomming onto someone to make them like you more doesn't work with women. You're just end up their "girlfriend."

[SumGuy]

Asking a third party what their friend thinks of you is considered very cowardly. ...

 

Well yes as you get older (IIRC you are much older than the OP) and maybe in the 1970s or 1980s. These days not so sure.

 

But as a teenager, maybe not so much and some girls just love being the banker / match maker role. All depends on how well you know this super hot girl and how close she is to cute girl #3.

If they are just acquaintances not a good idea, but I got the impression they are good friends.

 

Of course you need to be certain super hot girl is not a mean girl who will use this in a negative way. Forgot about that aspect of high school. If you read "Queen Bees and Wannabes" you can get some insight into girl world. You think it is tough be a teenage guy in high school.

 

I've two teenage daughters at the present, one 17 even. It is not consider cowardly or even unusual to ask a someone what their friend thinks of you. This asking a friend goes on all the time, it is not a negative at all if done correctly, and is a way for teenagers to get there interest back to a person in a way that avoid direct rejection.

 

Just don't do it on social media!

 

I'd certainly recommend asking cute girl #3 in person and avoiding going through third parties, but if you must talk to super hot girl on the retreat...

[preraph]

As soon as you involve a friend, it is ALL over school. I had it happen to me. I didn't even have anything to do with it. My friend met a new girl in school and decided to tell her my crush and shortly everyone in school knew who my crush was because the new girl would use anything to have something to say to people.

 

It's much more mature and effective to just communicate privately between just you and her and that way you know her answer is HER answer and not someone else's bastarization of it.

[Justaguy1234]

2. Cute girl #3 says yes to going out. You could well end up liking her a lot and it works out. Put out of your head this teenage crush (so classic but I get it) and focus on cute girl #3. Cute girl #3 is likely the real deal.

 

Like this idea only problem is if she says yes I dont think ill be able to get super hot girl out of my head. It feels like ive waited most of high school for an oppurtunity and now that shes single I may finally have a chance. I know if dont do anything my mind will wander to what could have happened and that will be unfair to cute girl #3. I just need closure on super hot girl but im not gonna straight up ask her out cause i dont talk to her regularly so itd be weird. The idea of me asking super hot girl about cute girl #3 i dont think would work. I dont think im close enough to super hot girl to be asking those questions plus it would give her the impression that im not into her.

[Mysterio]

When I was 18, 30 yrs ago. For some reason. Even though I had GF's and it came to me. I was always in a "I don't care mode". I always had interest and friends around me. When I sort of semi switched to a, "I desire a GF." vibe. Things became tricky for me in love.

 

Just from my observations. It would be better for you to better yourself and she comes and checks you out. Than you slavishly go out there trying to make things happen.

 

If there is a scale of things to do in your life and you have 10 things on your list. Having a GF should be 6/7/8 on the list. Until she starts to behave in a way that is pleasing to you to move up to #3.

 

If you go down a path where your trying to date a lot of women and they have the power to affect your mood. Its a dangrous path.

 

Work out. Dress well. Be Well groomed and have other things going in your life. Thats why when I was in high school. I never liked reading Romeo and Julliet. He just always seemed way to consumed with her. That goes for the opposite side of the sexes. I don't think a woman should make a man be her all as well.

[SumGuy]

Like this idea only problem is if she says yes I dont think ill be able to get super hot girl out of my head. It feels like ive waited most of high school for an oppurtunity and now that shes single I may finally have a chance. I know if dont do anything my mind will wander to what could have happened and that will be unfair to cute girl #3. I just need closure on super hot girl but im not gonna straight up ask her out cause i dont talk to her regularly so itd be weird. The idea of me asking super hot girl about cute girl #3 i dont think would work. I dont think im close enough to super hot girl to be asking those questions plus it would give her the impression that im not into her.

 

Fair enough you don't know super hot girl well enough to ask those questions.

Better to just ask cute girl #3 directly.

 

I guess this is a defining adulthood moment for you. Sometimes there is no easy answer that gives us all we want. It's for you to decide how much your mind wanders, what you are willing to risk or not.

 

Everyone is different, my advice is from a the perspective of a 50+ year old, remembering well crushes etc. is just that. I don't know the details of you or these girls. Just the general contours. I well remember the all consuming thoughts, how they always wander to the object of your crush and the spinning of all the amazing things that you could do together.

 

You are right thought it would not be fair to cute girl #3 if you do not really like her and will always have someone else in your head. My personal experience is those crush feelings do fade, nothing like a great reality to make you forget a fantasy.

[preraph]

If you ask both of them out, you will quickly get a bad reputation that you're fickle.

 

I mean, hot girl chose some guy instead of you, right? She never invited herself to do something with you or anything, did she? Did she ever ask you for a ride of walk you down the hall?

 

Super hot girls want super hot guys. Unless you think you are one, you should stick with the one who clearly likes you.