Post your best (or worst) breadcrumbs and tell us what happened!

[Soak]

Well, we all know that breadcrumbing is the throwing of psychological or emotional scraps for whatever reason. Either way, breadcrumbs and scraps are common here on the boards and have a tendency to confuse, give hope or simply torture people who are on the recieving end.

 

This thread is dedicated to unpacking these breadcrumbs, demystifying them and supporting those who are confused or tempted by them, so that we can heal better.

 

Share your breadcrumb stories and how you reacted / responded (or didn't respond) and what you thought or felt about them.

 

Feel free to go in to as much detail as you like.

[Soak]

Okay, so it seems i am a breadcrumb junkie.

 

I spent my younger years throwing out breadcrumbs, for no other reason that i was unsure of myself. I didn't have the confidence or skills to run / manage a healthy relationship, so i was caught up in a constant cycle of create drama, break it off cos they're getting too close to me, and then send out some crumbs to realise that somebody still cares about me.

 

I also think that sometimes i wanted a real relationship (wanted the real love), but sending out breadcrumbs to somebody i liked, cared about a lot, or even loved (but not in love with) was a way for me to feel connected to someone, but it was never who i really wanted. What i really wanted and yearned for was out there, but i hadn't met them yet.

 

Now, in my adult life, i have been on the recieving end of this.

 

Whole relationships on breadcrumbs. My latest crush was all based on scraps. Her throwing them to me (because she is lonely and desperate), and me eating them up like it is something serious.

 

Just an insight into the mind of a breadcrumber and breadcrumb receiver. Breadcrumbs are not serious declarations of love or commitment. Please do not mistake them as such.

 

Some common breadcrumbs i have read on this board (and may have used myself in younger, sillier years):

 

- i just want you to know that you meant a lot to me

 

- i just want you to know that i think about you all the time

 

- i just want you to know that i still love you

 

- i wish you all the best

 

- hey, how are you?

 

- hey (probably the worst.. Like, seriously, one word?)

 

- i saw a movie, watched a show that reminded me of you

 

- my dog misses you

 

- my cat misses you

 

- still thinking of you, i hope you are well

 

Don't throw breadcrumbs (be an adult and take responsibility), and for your own sake, no not eat them up! One can not survive on such a diet.

Edited October 11, 2019 by Soak

[TeddyBundy1993]

Breadcrumbs huh they are like parasites.. eating our already broken heart. Wish dumpers could atleast not throw breadcrumbs to us and give fake Hope and string us along to them when explore new people while we are sobbing in our bed depressed crying obsessing what went wrong. Anyhow back your question I received these crumbs which were empty words when I look back

- i saw you in dreams last night 

- leaving you hurts and i cant forget you

- you'll always will be in my heart 

- i still love you and cant say its completely over 

- you are more than family now

- future will tell what's gonna happen 

- I loved you and I still care

- you'll be always special for me 

- talk to me I m here for you.  

- I I hurted you badly I know 

- Biggest of all time "I LOVE YOU"

- I still have feelings for you 

In my opinion it you are dumped dont waste a single second anymore near them. Listening to their bulls*** specially if you are left for someone.  Go NC right away dont expect them back again they proved they cant love you forever.  Talking to them will prolong pain.

[Steve40th396]

False hopes are for both sides. One keeps you on retainer till new love in their life is locked in. Welcome to the game of relationships.

[The Outlaw]

And I've been 'fed' all the classic lines listed above during the worst time of my life. People should really cut the crap. 

[Winterkid]

I have been fed on breadcrumb for 1 week before i decide to ask whats her intention. She told we are friend, told i cant be friend as continue being friend give me false hope. I wish her all the best and walk away. 

She reach out to me after 2 month, reason was she dunwan to be awkward,then proceed to complain things about her work and disappear the whole evening then to reappear in the morning. 

[Soak]

On 5 January 2020 at 2:46 AM, Steve40th396 said:

One keeps you on retainer till new love in their life is locked in. Welcome to the game of relationships.

Sorry, everyone, been on a bit of a hiatus.

In response to the above: it shouldn't be a game.

I've been a breadcrumber in the past, and recieved breadcrumbs in my adult life.

I honestly believe that a lot of breadcrumbs are not that ill-intentioned, but come from a place of missing you; loneliness; yes, maybe some manipulation; yes, maybe some premeditation, but i believe that on the whole, they're the result of human frailty and impulse, in not thinking.

Having said that, i read an article that suggests that these forms of non-committal contact are usually on impulse from the other person - there is a really good article on anewmode.com about NC and why it works ("9 reasons...), if you're especially struggling.

So, it is largely important to ignore crumbs because they are usually on impulse and if the cause of the r/ship failure hasn't been addressed, then going back on a breadcrumb will most likely crumble in your face later when the honey-moon phase is over.

As everybody says, breakups are so much harder the second or third time with same person, so my advice is, if it didn't work out the first time, do not go back as it will be so much worse if you break up again.

Just my 2 cents, use your own descretion of course 😀