How to be happy when you are perpetually single and childless?

[chillii]

Nah what l mean is he felt springy has something for him , not that he has something for her.

That's why he seems a bit edgy and nervous around her.

[elaine567]

I think it is very easy when you are crushing on someone to see signs of attraction that aren't there.

He is just minding his own business and you are off on a flight of fancy...

 

Apart from this awkward "Hi" and a reply as he kept on walking on, have you had any other more meaningful interactions with this guy?

[basil67]

Wow, I only pick up vibes when in really close proximity. I'm guessing you have a different experience

Edited October 12, 2019 by basil67

[Springsummer]

sigh, I feel so miserable, unhappy and unfulfilling...........what to do?!

 

I don't have any close friends now. Used to hand out with a couple of friends, now they are all left, either go back to their home countrie or other places. almost no friend left now.

 

accidentally delete my facebook account (yes, that could happen)...isolated now too.

Edited October 13, 2019 by Springsummer

[Happy Lemming]

I think it is very easy when you are crushing on someone to see signs of attraction that aren't there.

He is just minding his own business and you are off on a flight of fancy...

 

Apart from this awkward "Hi" and a reply as he kept on walking on, have you had any other more meaningful interactions with this guy?

 

100% Agree... When I worked, I could be walking down the hallway and my mind would be going 100 miles an hour on a problem or situations I was working on. I had no idea who passed me in the hallway. He may have said "Hi" as an afterthought as he was preoccupied with another task.

 

When you are at work, your work brain is usually attempting to solve problems and thinking about how much work you have left to get done that day.

[Gretchen12]

At least you still have Loveshack, Ha! If it makes you feel any better, I had a huge crush on a coworker, and I was so sure that he looked at me a certain way that meant to me, at the time, that he was interested. I asked him out, he turned me down. I was disappointed and I confided in a close friend at work about what happened. She said "What?! He's gay, you didn't know?" Turns out a lot of people knew the guy was living with his boyfriend who's also a coworker we all knew. No one tells me anything!

 

In hindsight, he must have looked at me that way because I looked at him too much and wasn't aware.

[BaileyB]

I guess the bottom line is, if someone wants you badly enough, he will take actions.

 

The same could be said of you. If you want it badly enough, you would do something more than wait for them to come to you...

[preraph]

One of the hardest things to realize for young people is what you said about realizing the romance novels and movies just aren't true. Life is not a fairytale. That stuff makes us all think there is the "one" and you will both somehow know it and find each other. The truth is that the more mainstream you are, the more you have in common with other people, the more suitable mates you can find and get along with. The more specialized or out on the edge you are, the more it narrows the field. And there is not the one magic one. People are looking for the ideal person in their head, but that person doesn't exist. Instead you have to open your eyes and be friendly and try to be entertaining so you attract friends and others and be open to getting to know someone who isn't the fantasy in your head but that you are at least somewhat attracted to or like their personality.

 

You're waiting for a dream to overtake you. No one has more control over your life than you do. If you don't keep busy and keep trying to be friendly and social, no one is going to make up that deficit for you and just pick you, and even if they did, that won't fix you. No one can "make you happy" if you're really not a happy person.

 

You are going to have to stop doing what you're doing and completely change how you think and go about life so that you get a different result. It is that simple. Stop waiting and start doing. Try things and keep trying things and stay busy. Life rewards momentum.

[Springsummer]

well, many years ago, an ex coworker told me her hubby thought she is the one for her on first sight and refuse to consider everybody else. on highlight, her story doesn't help me.

 

I guess it does happen to some people, just not me.

 

I have been going to events. I think I tried and be social? still not enough? life is so tough? I have to try my darndest?

Edited October 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[Springsummer]

At least you still have Loveshack, Ha! If it makes you feel any better, I had a huge crush on a coworker, and I was so sure that he looked at me a certain way that meant to me, at the time, that he was interested. I asked him out, he turned me down. I was disappointed and I confided in a close friend at work about what happened. She said "What?! He's gay, you didn't know?" Turns out a lot of people knew the guy was living with his boyfriend who's also a coworker we all knew. No one tells me anything!

 

In hindsight, he must have looked at me that way because I looked at him too much and wasn't aware.

 

ha...oh, what a story. Thanks for sharing. Lights me up:) yup, how do I know for sure he is not guy? just because I don't think so? I just wanted to believe in a dream. I guess that's why.

[basil67]

I have been going to events. I think I tried and be social? still not enough? life is so tough? I have to try my darndest?

 

At the events, can you overcome your shyness and go up and talk with people? Are you letting your smile show?

 

And yes, a successful life does require effort on your part - it doesn't get handed to you on a platter.

[BaileyB]

Life rewards momentum.

 

Life tends to reward those who are brave enough to take risks.

[basil67]

I guess it does happen to some people, just not me.

 

Enough with the self pity SS. It doesn't happen to most people. To be honest, I think your self pity is one of the biggest hurdles you face. Bad stuff happens to all of us and we have to pick ourselves up and keep working towards our goals.

[chillii]

100% Agree... When I worked, I could be walking down the hallway and my mind would be going 100 miles an hour on a problem or situations I was working on. I had no idea who passed me in the hallway. He may have said "Hi" as an afterthought as he was preoccupied with another task.

 

When you are at work, your work brain is usually attempting to solve problems and thinking about how much work you have left to get done that day.

 

 

 

 

Yeah l mean this could easily be it too and it was basically just nothing .

l was just getting a bit of tension there just going on how Spring spoke about it , think she mentioned him other times too , but eh l could be wrong.

Although tbh , l doubt very much he would miss her walking toward in hall like that.

 

,

[chillii]

Wow, I only pick up vibes when in really close proximity. I'm guessing you have a different experience

 

 

Haaa , suppose we all have eh , but no worries at all you can feel and notice this stuff especially working around someone.

[Happy Lemming]

Although tbh , l doubt very much he would miss her walking toward in hall like that.

 

Or he might not be interested in the OP, at all. He might not find her attractive or she might not be his type.

 

Who knows what his company has told him in HR meetings about interacting with female co-workers or other females in the building. I remember working for one company, and after listening to all of the HR stuff about female co-workers, I decided I wouldn't talk to any woman at work and just stayed in my office for 8 hours (door closed).

[Mr. Lucky]

I guess it does happen to some people, just not me.

 

Some people win the lottery. Some are born looking like Brad Pitt. And then there's the rest of us.

 

We have to create our chances Springsummer, no luck of the draw for most people. Fortune favors the brave...

 

Mr. Lucky

[chillii]

Or he might not be interested in the OP, at all. He might not find her attractive or she might not be his type.

 

Who knows what his company has told him in HR meetings about interacting with female co-workers or other females in the building. I remember working for one company, and after listening to all of the HR stuff about female co-workers, I decided I wouldn't talk to any woman at work and just stayed in my office for 8 hours (door closed).

 

 

 

 

Yeah that's what l thought, whatever the case sorry Spring but yeah , l don't think he's interested either.

But hey , Jesus this office stuff sounds pretty crazy then these days, never worked in one myself.

[Springsummer]

100% Agree... When I worked, I could be walking down the hallway and my mind would be going 100 miles an hour on a problem or situations I was working on. I had no idea who passed me in the hallway. He may have said "Hi" as an afterthought as he was preoccupied with another task.

 

maybe his problems at work is not important, but he surely is busy. one time, he walked right behind me, then I turned left, then turned straight and right to the waste paper bin. through the glass I saw he turned his head looking at me though while continue walking.

 

WHY? what's so interesting about me at that instance?

[d0nnivain]

Springsummer

 

You have repeatedly mentioned that you don't find many men attractive. It's OK to be picky but perhaps being more open minded could help you.

 

Do you have a good sense of who / what you find attractive? Armed with that, figure out where you might find such a person. Then take whatever steps you need to go where a man like that might be.

 

When a man expresses interest in you, give him a chance. I see you shooting down men without knowing them. You just say no. I suspect you are scared of getting hurt. Part of love involved risk. Yes, your heart will get broken along this journey but when you find the right partner, it's wonderful.

[preraph]

maybe his problems at work is not important, but he surely is busy. one time, he walked right behind me, then I turned left, then turned straight and right to the waste paper bin. through the glass I saw he turned his head looking at me though while continue walking.

 

WHY? what's so interesting about me at that instance?

 

Him glancing at you doesn't necessarily mean anything. Maybe he was just seeing who was in his vicinity in case it was someone he'd be obligated by work to say hello to or be polite to.

 

Have you ever seen the old tv show My So-Called Life? She spends all her time dreaming about this guy who is usually just standing around staring into space not talking to people. She reads that as mysterious and romantic, like he's this romantic guy, like she is romantic. At the end of the series (spoiler alert), she finally gets to talk to him more and finds out he's just a real blank guy . There's nothing going on upstairs at all. She wasted all that time imagining he was something he wasn't. He was just a good looking guy with little of anything between the ears. And none of what he did meant anything, much less towards her.

[preraph]

Anyway, whatever the situation, you are doing all this misery and overthinking about him when the solution is harmless and appropriate in any circumstance.

 

All you have to do is give him a big smile and say hi when you pass. It doesn't matter if he's the janitor or the boss or someone in between, it's only polite to smile in a friendly way and say hi. I do it umpteen times a day when I'm out and about. That one simple natural thing makes you approachable and opens the door if anyone wants to step through it, but it in no way demands that they do or is awkward.

 

On the old tv show "Happy Days" that you're too young to remember, Fonzi used to say, "If you want to swim, don't sit on the beach."

 

If you want to talk to the guy, say hi.

[Springsummer]

Anyway, whatever the situation, you are doing all this misery and overthinking about him when the solution is harmless and appropriate in any circumstance.

 

All you have to do is give him a big smile and say hi when you pass. It doesn't matter if he's the janitor or the boss or someone in between, it's only polite to smile in a friendly way and say hi. I do it umpteen times a day when I'm out and about. That one simple natural thing makes you approachable and opens the door if anyone wants to step through it, but it in no way demands that they do or is awkward.

 

On the old tv show "Happy Days" that you're too young to remember, Fonzi used to say, "If you want to swim, don't sit on the beach."

 

If you want to talk to the guy, say hi.

 

yes. but looks like he doesn't want to talk to me.

 

I can say hi to even a gas bar tender, but find it difficult with him.

[mr_ybor]

How to be happy when you are perpetually single and childless?

 

 

 

 

I drink. I play music. I cook. I hang out with friends and family. I hit the beach. I make coffee. I watch great cinema. I watch motor racing. I jerk off off to good porn. I go to live shows. I take in great comedians. I day trip the wonderful sights. I dance like the dead.

 

 

 

If women don't appreciate me, that's their problem, not mine. I'm always an option when you all want to pay attention. I', good otherwise.

[Springsummer]

Him glancing at you doesn't necessarily mean anything. Maybe he was just seeing who was in his vicinity in case it was someone he'd be obligated by work to say hello to or be polite to.

Not the case here. he followed me for awhile and he knows my team and my work. oh, well, maybe people just like to look

 

 

Have you ever seen the old tv show My So-Called Life? She spends all her time dreaming about this guy who is usually just standing around staring into space not talking to people. She reads that as mysterious and romantic, like he's this romantic guy, like she is romantic. At the end of the series (spoiler alert), she finally gets to talk to him more and finds out he's just a real blank guy . There's nothing going on upstairs at all. She wasted all that time imagining he was something he wasn't. He was just a good looking guy with little of anything between the ears. And none of what he did meant anything, much less towards her.

 

um...interesting show. I like educational show. I dream too much base on very little reality and information.

 

but am I to blame? Just watched a Asian ancient novel tv show. The prince said to the lady:"you are the only one I have ever loved and will ever love". Despised the fact tons of pretty women throw themselves to him, but he only has eyes for her. I didn't actively searching this kind of show. but they are everywhere. Just finished another tv show, different setting, different story line, but same kind of idea about love. basically most tv shows are like these. I already stopped watching tv show for awhile, as soon as I started watching, same crap.

 

When I watched Titanic, I was really touchy as well. I watch Jerry Maguire, I was so touched by the 'You have me at hello' line. I mentioned these to different roommates at different times, however, they were dismissive. I guess it really comes down to personality. I am really a sentimental and idealistic kind of person. black and white.

 

sigh, personality does determine fate. If I knew what I know now, I would have gotten married with the guy in my early 20's. He must laughing at me now.

Edited October 14, 2019 by Springsummer