How to be happy when you are perpetually single and childless?

[Springsummer]

Springsummer

 

You have repeatedly mentioned that you don't find many men attractive. It's OK to be picky but perhaps being more open minded could help you.

 

Do you have a good sense of who / what you find attractive? Armed with that, figure out where you might find such a person. Then take whatever steps you need to go where a man like that might be.

 

When a man expresses interest in you, give him a chance. I see you shooting down men without knowing them. You just say no. I suspect you are scared of getting hurt. Part of love involved risk. Yes, your heart will get broken along this journey but when you find the right partner, it's wonderful.

 

yes. It's all about the look and physical attraction for me. I am a very visual person. I was like the artist of the class in junior high. I had even taken a few visual art courses back in college while taking computer courses.

 

Standards for physical beauty is actually quite universal. Yes, I have to shoot a man down, solely based on the ways he looks. unfortunately. I can't stand a man who is heavy weight and walk like a bear. I grew up climbing trees, like a monkey. The man I said no walk like a bear.

 

The man in this thread fit my bill of physical beauty in both the face and body. He has a beautiful face. He is tall, not fat, and nimble. He has a nice ass too.

 

How can I help myself?

 

yes, I am scared, I guess that's the reasons I actually ran away from men I find attractive in the past. Need to do more thinking why I am scared.

[Happy Lemming]

I watch Jerry Maguire, I was so touched by the 'You have me at hello' line.

 

Hollywood writes & directs movies to make money. They are not based in reality. The "rom-com" genre is fiction and has nothing to do with reality or real life dating.

 

For many years my girlfriend searched and searched for that "Knight in shining armor who rode up on a white horse", she settled for a rodent who drove up in a beat up old white pickup.

[preraph]

yes. but looks like he doesn't want to talk to me.

 

I can say hi to even a gas bar tender, but find it difficult with him.

 

You probably look unfriendly and like you wouldn't want to be bothered. The smile is the most important thing. Think of it: An unsmiling face that says hi but looks all serious or a smiling face that doesn't say anything. The smile is what makes you look approachable and friendly.

 

Just smile at the guy, real open-like, and don't say anything if you can't. I remember back when I was in love or lust or whatever, besotted when young, I was always involuntarily smiling (where usually I have a very serious B face) and it caught everyone off guard and made everyone do doubletakes and approach. It's like they could read my thoughts. I think that may be when I learned the power of smiling and finally started doing it strategically.

 

Then I learned about raised eyebrows much later in life. I was in Home Depot and would pass people and I just raised my eyebrows kind of like you'd nod your head slightly at someone, and it really caught people's attention and got a nice reaction.

 

It's your face. You tell it what to do!! Do this:

[d0nnivain]

You're not that picky You are just superficial & get your ideas about love from the movies. It doesn't work like that. Most men don't have screen writers whispering in their ears telling them how to say the perfect thing. Because like you I enjoyed the fantasy. I tended to date actors, trial lawyers & salesmen . . .all guys who are professionally charming & good with words. My husband, the good reliable loyal man is stoic uncommunicative & one of the least romantic people I have ever met but the depth of his commitment more ten makes up for the lack of pretty words.

 

It's easy to find handsome men. You are scared of what happens after the credits roll. That is what you have to work at love . . . to deal with laundry, bad moods, being sick, the other person's family etc.

[preraph]

I think when young, most of us are idealistic and romantic. You can be realistic and romantic too, though.

 

Yes that movie you talked about, it sends a really false message. Most guys are not even single-minded when it comes to one woman. Or if they are, it's only until it runs its course. That truly is a fairlytale. Women are more likely to want a "one and only," but most men aren't that way, unfortunately. I mean, any one of them might "one and only" someone who was way way more attractive than them, but then we see sometimes it just emboldens them to cheat and see who else they can have sex with. Tiger Woods comes to mind.

 

I bet you don't have brothers or you'd know more about how men are and they'd be less scary and mysterious to you! I don't either. I was idealistic too. Don't feel bad about it. It's disappointing life isn't more the way we want it.

[chillii]

The thing about attraction is you can be as specific and picky as you want but in the end so are others you wouldn't believe how specific l am , or stuff other guys have said over the years, should hear my brother .

lt goes both ways , that's the thing , he's gotta see his things in you too but when you both got it at the same time, bingo.

Funny thing about movies, most of the actors playing that part have love lives from hell and strings of divorces in RL.

 

Anyway , l'm going back to my first post think it was, he' knows your keen on him, makes a guy feel weird ,act weird, makes her be a bit weird too, but eh , did you mean you bumped into the bin ? anyone's gonna look, he probly held in a chuckle !

But l don't understand all this so called looking stuff anyway, glances, eyes, how can people not look and glance as they walk about , it's hardly gonna be a declaration of love right.

Edited October 14, 2019 by chillii

[basil67]

sigh, personality does determine fate. If I knew what I know now, I would have gotten married with the guy in my early 20's. He must laughing at me now.

 

Yes, personality does indeed determine fate. Those who have most success in life and love have a positive attitude and take calculated risks. They know that not all their risks will pay off, but they know they'll be OK anyway.

 

The guy from your past most likely doesn't think of you now, so what he thinks means nothing

[Mysterio]

As a man. My attraction to women is all over the place. The softer and warmer she is towards me. The more I find myself attracted to her.

 

Physical looks are subjective at best. I consider myself a cross between handsome and cute. I have more soft features to my face. I don't look hard.

[Springsummer]

Just came back from a city wide professional event. as people here suggested that I should more social and meet people.

 

Saw a man there who is from the same workplace. someone I have never mentioned here. This guy when we talked he was really concentrated and really look at and into you. He was so focused and so looking into you, unlike anyone else. I also met him at other occasions.

 

anyway, he really makes me think/wonder if he is into me. He doesn't have a single white hair. Then, a guy pops up and he introduced as his son. a university age teenage (no idea why a teenage comes to a professional event).

 

Point being: the guy I am interested is most likely 99.999% taken. things are not my imagine. No one is single here my age. It's indeed hopeless.

[Springsummer]

Also, just received the clothes I ordered from BR and the gap. The BR one is totally different than what I imagine. fabric so thin. can't believe it priced at over 100 bucks.

 

Things just not what I imagined. This is a wake up call. people most likely are not what I imagine.

 

I know I sound pessimistic and fatalistic...especially I just went to a positive psychology lunch seminar... it's hard to feel otherwise though.

Edited October 18, 2019 by Springsummer

[preraph]

Return the clothes and tell them why. I just got some much needed red booties from Dillard's in the mail and they were not at all well padded . I should return them but will put insoles in instead since I have tried two years to find them in this color. They are also hitting my chin, so hope they loosen up. I should return them!!