Xabr1 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 (edited) So I’ve been with my girl for 2 years. We're both 20. We’ve seen each other like once a week cause she lived in another city. She broke up with me 2 weeks ago and went to collage on the other side of the country right after. She never went to clubs with me, she didn’t like new people. Right now she’s going to clubs and meeting people from all across the city. We messaged each other for like a week after our breakup. She began to dress provocatively. She even sent me a photo of her and asked is she looking good cause she's going to the club. I replied that it's A BIT defiant. She repliad "happens" and went to the club straight after. So I said to her that it’s too painfull for me and if she doesn’t want to give us another chance it would be better if we break contact. So she replied that it will be better if we go our separate ways. I thanked her for everything, she did too and said that it’s too soon to even think about friendship. 5 minutes after that she asked me about my profile picture on facebook cause I uploaded some stupid one but I didn’t replay to that anymore and ignored it. She didn’t message me anything more after that and our conversation is just hanging on her question. Right now I’m one week into no contact. She had our photo on her background on facebook even after our breakup and she deleted it yesterday. So did I even start No Contact good ignoring her question? Won’t she get mad at me? Also is no contact even worth it considering I couldn't hang out with her until late december and overall she’s social now and having fun when she always stayed at home in 2 years of our relationship and was so antisocial? I don’t think she even has the time to think about me, she has so much going on in her life. Collage, having fun at parties, so many new people… Our relationship was pretty good, we could talk about everything, we did support each other and overall had so many amazing moments together and she thinks this way too. My plan is to no contact her for like 2 months, focus on improving myself, reach out to her in december, then casually talk with her for like 3 weeks and ask her out cause she'll comeback on holidays. However I don’t know is it a good idea... I don't want to mess up my chances. I really want her back ;/ Edited October 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 She is too young and too far away to commit to you, OP. I know it hurts, but this relationship ran its course and she is moving into a new phase of her life, as many young adults do. Stay No Contact, which include no social media contact either. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xabr1 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 Well I could move to the city which she is in now if we came back to each other. We wouldn't have to live together but at least we could see each other as often as we would like to. I'd just like to know what to do to get the best out of my chances to get her back Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 OP: this relationship is over. I'm sorry. Circumstance. Age. Maturity. I can go into all the details of why it won't work out but trust me, it is over. And that's okay. Seriously. Better that you guys broke up like you did rather than it turn all toxic with one or the other doing something ugly (e.g. cheating). You just need to move on. Read the link in my signature below. No contact is just that - no contact. Don't look at her on social media. Don't ask friends about her. You just have to carve her out of your life. It sucks. It hurts. But it is the best thing you can do for yourself. And that's the other thing - No Contact is for yourself. Not for getting her back. Best of luck dude. Mrin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 When people go away to college, their worlds open up & they change. That is what is happening to your EX. In your hometown she was the quiet reserved girl you knew. Now that she's out from under her parents on the other side of the country, she's trying new things including dressing proactively & going to clubs. She's growing as a person. The boy back home just doesn't hold the same allure to the bright shiny new world that is opening up for her. She wants to explore. Even if you moved there, it wouldn't lure her back to you. Sorry. NC is a tool designed to help you heal. As long as you are connected on social media you are not NC. Being on social media just tortures you. You get to see all her adventures, the new sexy outfits she's wearing that aren't for you. You are going to make yourself crazy. So my advice is unfriend her / unfollow her. When she comes home for break perhaps you can talk then but don't except reconciliation. Odds are you won't even recognize the person she has become. Instead it's time to focus on you. Who you are as an adult, what career you want etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 It's over, there's no going back to this one. She is in a stage of her life where quite simply... she wants to sample other... guys. You should do the same with other girls. If in future you happen to reconnect, cool. If not, you will find someone else. She is not the last woman on Earth. Go proper no contact. Delete her on all social media. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Well I could move to the city which she is in now if we came back to each other. We wouldn't have to live together but at least we could see each other as often as we would like to. I'd just like to know what to do to get the best out of my chances to get her back She doesn't want that anymore, though. She has discovered a new world, and she's not the same girl she was a couple years ago, content being antisocial. This happens very frequently when people start college. It's unpleasant for you to watch, but there is little you can do. Distance is a factor, yes, but it's not the only factor. Her age and inherent inexperience with life is another, and for her, the urge to get out and explore is greater than her desire to continue the relationship. Since I realize you probably won't be able to accept that it's over yet, your only real move now is remaining No Contact. That includes all social media. Don't follow hers, and don't go posting "Look how great I'm doing as a single guy!"-type things to get her attention, as it won't work. Do not reach out to her. If she contacts you, you can let her know that you cannot be in touch with her as friends as it's so painful for you. It doesn't matter if she gets mad; it was her choice to end the relationship, so she can decide if she'd rather be mad or try to reconcile. The above is not guaranteed to change her mind, to be very clear. When someone is truly finished with a relationship, you being silent or not isn't going to make much difference. No Contact isn't meant to make someone miss you. It's to help you detach. If she doesn't come looking for you with a sincere attempt to reunite, then you have to let go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Londy Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 So did I even start No Contact good ignoring her question? Won’t she get mad at me? Also is no contact even worth it My plan is to no contact her for like 2 months, focus on improving myself, reach out to her in december, then casually talk with her for like 3 weeks and ask her out cause she'll comeback on holidays. However I don’t know is it a good idea... I don't want to mess up my chances. I really want her back ;/ No Contact is not some sort of strategic form of manipulation and game playing to try to trick the person into coming back by acting like someone you are not and doing things that are for the sole purpose of achieving your own selfish goals. She's not that red firetruck that someone else is playing with that you want back. She's an individual with her own thoughts, feelings, wants and wishes and you are not part of her future plans. Accept it and move on with your life and just leave her alone. Sometimes when you do that, the dumper does come looking, but don't count on it and don't expect it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Everything the other posters are saying is correct. The relationship has run its course as far she's concerned but that leaves you hanging and you want her back. While she is gone having growth experiences, reinvent yourself. Make yourself a better man. Improve yourself physically, financially, and intellectually. Improve your skills. Develop a real life plan you can follow. Try to be more confident as you go about your business. It could just be that when you next see her - she may not recognize you. That's the only thing I can think of that may reignite her interest. The problem is it's also very possible you will not want her back. It's funny how things like that happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted October 28, 2019 Share Posted October 28, 2019 She is too young . They're both 20. Link to post Share on other sites
LizardWizard24 Posted October 28, 2019 Share Posted October 28, 2019 She’s social now and having fun when she always stayed at home in 2 years of our relationship and was so antisocial? I don’t think she even has the time to think about me, she has so much going on in her life. Collage, having fun at parties, so many new people… ;/ I know you feel very sad right now and you can't stop thinking about her. Every memory hurts a lot and you can't stop feeling lonely while she is having a blast with new guys... Just because she is having fun, doesn't mean you can't have fun too. Use this event as the trigger to start a new chapter of your life. Work on yourself, make all those things that you couldn't do before and experience new things. Work out, get a new hobby, play the new call of duty, do anything you enjoy to get distracted and move on faster. It will take time to heal from this since you really cared for her. You will feel good, but few hours later you may be crying, but it's normal. Just remind yourself that you will move on and overcome this chapter. and please, keep the no contact, everytime you see her social media or anything similar you lower that "moving on" meter back to 0. You got this, everyone at this forum supports you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 She doesn't sound that great to be honest, no self respecting girl would rub your face in it, by dressing up for a club and telling you about it. Get yourself an upgrade mate. Link to post Share on other sites
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