Blind-Sided Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 Well update: Hubby still trying to make a dead horse walk and I still really don't want to make it work. ............ Then why are YOU lying to your family? (and to yourself) The lie is that you are still there. Marriage is a contract you entered into, and you are simply breaking that contract when the rest of the people in are trying to come to a resolution. YOU don't want it to work, then stop hurting people who still love you !!!!! This is the same crap my ex pulled. She went from "I love you" to "I don't love you" in the same day... but she wouldn't listen to anything I would say, or anything I may ask for as a resolution. As Mr Lucky said... you and my ex are cowards because you don't care if you are hurting the people around you !!!!!! Who gives a crap if your MM will leave his wife for you. This thread should be in the OM/OW section because this is clearly an EA, and your family are casualties of your poor life choices. Sorry to be blunt, but I just went threw this, and with your actions, I have a hard time believing that your H is actually at fault. And just like with my marriage... it's just excuses you are using to justify things. Finally... as others have said, this is a great place to vent... but you aren't always going to hear what you want. This is a place to get your head on straight, and to hear the truth. The problem is, the truth hurts sometimes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 My friend opened up to me the other night that him and his wife have been married 20+ years and they haven't had sex in years and she doesn't come to the shows to support him because she doesn't care about him, they don't have kids and he didn't know it until after they were married. and a hole bunch of other stuff. Go onto the OW/OM forum and read the stories, they "all" say that. "My marriage is dreadful, my wife doesn't understand me, we don't have sex..." What usually happens is that the MW(ie you) gets so involved, she believes they have a future, so that she files for divorce, she gets the show on the road, she gets ready to go from one "dreadful" relationship to one that is full of love and fulfilment. Only her MM isn't so quick off the mark, he starts stalling, he WILL leave only not quite yet. The excuses start rolling out, his wife's illness, his wife's mental state, his finances need sorted, his elderly mother, he can't leave at Xmas, they have a summer holiday booked... on and on and on... You are not yet at the PA stage, my advice is to go home and sort out your marriage or get a divorce but do not rely on your MM to stick around. (Some MM target MW deliberately as affair partners, he gets extra sex and attention, but he thinks she, like him will never actually leave...) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted November 30, 2019 Share Posted November 30, 2019 If I am understanding this right, you got married because you became pregnant and it seemed the right thing to do at the time. There is quite an age gap between you and your husband. Your husband has been very critical and shouted a lot. This is not a nice situation to be in. You are attracted to someone else but trying not to do the usual affair things; however, still maintaining contact with him. Your husband has realised you have emotionally checked out and is hoping things can be corrected now but it is too late. You have got past that stage and do not want to make the effort. It seems to me you need to be honest with him and tell him you want a divorce. Is there a way you can physically leave because he's not going to be too happy about that. If he is an aggressive guy, you need to make sure you and the children have a safe place to go before announcing it is over. Your username totally betrayed unconscious thoughts; whether you realise or not you appear to be in love with a guy other than your husband. Be honest with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JackieDaniels1977 Posted December 16, 2019 Author Share Posted December 16, 2019 sorry I haven't been on in few. you pretty much have it right. and I'm just holding things together for the Christmas. He's never raised a hand to my or anything and I don't want to be the one that moves out because this is my family home my mom and I are on the deed. and he has said before he knows this place is not his. When he meet me he had nothing but his truck and bills. My Birthday was ok but when we celebrated it, it felt like he was buying me. he sent over 2000 dollars on me and the sad thing is I didn't ask for any of this and it ran up one of our accounts. Then he went out and took a loan of to pay bills and get stuff taken care of for Christmas. and he told me the other night I could got see my friend and his band play, so I went only to be remined that I must not care about him because I 1 went by myself after he told me I could go and 2 I must not have heard him when I was told I couldn't go by myself. one minute he is ok and the next he runs guilt trips on me. I myself do not know how much more I will deal with. I have been doing my best to keep my guy friend out of my business because I feel like he does need to be in this mess. but when I had my second party with my friends. My husband was not there but my guy friend choose not to come for fear my husband would show up. I don't blame him one bit but it funny because 6 months ago my friend wanted to meet my husband to show him there was nothing going on between us. Me and him haven't had any one on one time so I can tell him whats going on. We always have someone around, I don't know if its because he doesn't trust himself being alone with me or if he feels like he can talk to me better when someone is around. I don't know how my guy friend feels about me, But its funny when he is on stage he know where I am. He even knew when I took my sweater off the other night because I had a tank top on under it. When I saw him during break he asked me "if it was possible for me to take any more cloths off." He wasn't mad but I got the feeling he wasn't happy about it. So I don't know if he has feelings for me and is keeping his distances or what? He is always introducing me to his friends and these are people who know him and his wife. I myself wounder how smart this is because usually afterword they wind up hitting me up with friend request on face book. I don't care, I like his friends. and he never tells me not to accept them. Its weird because I asked him If I could ride up with him to one of his shows, he looked at me funny and said his sister inlaw and his wife would be with him, but I could go. I looked at him and said I don't think that's a good idea, and I would see him the next day. The last time his wife and I were in the same room I thought his eye balls were going to pop out his head. because he didn't want me and her to meet. And I went off on how he was acting and stayed away from her. I really thought he was going to have a heart attack, that night so why would he even want me in the same truck with her. So for now I have slowed stuff with him and started going to a gym to keep my mind bussy and just let this stuff play out on its own. I have tickets for new years to see him with two other friend. and my husband again told me I could go and even said he would be mad if I didn't go. only again to get bent out of shape because I did what he told me to do. and quite frankly I''m 42 and not a dog he can scold and he doesn't like it. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted December 16, 2019 Share Posted December 16, 2019 You own the house? This is easy. When he goes to work (he does work right? If not, that's even more reason to dump him) have a locksmith come and change the locks. Get a protective order from the court. Have him served. Make sure the police are present when he loads up his stuff in his pickup truck (he still has it, right?) and you are FREE! You guys could even flip for who has to take the brat. The next step is obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 16, 2019 Share Posted December 16, 2019 (edited) Mmm. Not sure it's that easy. You should consider talking to an attorney first. For example, in your state/region is the house considered joint marital property or not. What might support look like (either from him to you or you to him, however it would work)? Knowing the approximate set income level - can you now pay your bills? What becomes of him, the father of your children, financially. Believe you want to have this thought through if you don't already. Right now you're focused on emotions. IF you pull the trigger on divorce you will need to seriously focus on practicalities for a while. My advice is to go in with your eyes fully open and a plan in place. Beware any attempts by lawyers to subtly alienate the two of you even further. This will presumably already be difficult emotionally, for him if not for you. Suggest you do your best not to make it any worse. Edited December 16, 2019 by mark clemson typos Link to post Share on other sites
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